Saturday, September 11, 2010

Saturday, Sept. 11, 2010

This is a hard day for me. I am struggling. It's funny, I feel like i have been doing pretty well. This week has been hard. Seems Hannah is trying to spread her wings a little bit.

I had some papers that I needed her to sign the other I went to the school, only to find out that she hadn't even been was 8:30. I called her and she had just drove into the parking lot. After talking to her I found out that this had not been the first time.

I didn't feel like i could handle it knowing Rocky would help I had her go to the office with me and we talked with Rocky about it. Rocky was wonderful. But when I went to hug her she would let me and then within minutes i got a text from her that said, "I hate you. You are ruining my life." It broke my heart.

Then, found out Isaac isn't doing well in Algebra. He fought me about going to tutoring even though the teacher said he needed to go. So, i talked to her and Coach Brown and they fully supported and helped me. Coach Brown talked to Isaac and I haven't had any trouble getting him to go to tutoring since,.

Hannah still won't talk to hurts. I know what i did was right.....but i have to always be the bad guy.

Rachel is sick. I had to leave her home alone on Friday. I hated it. I am her mother...i should have been there for her.

Right now...i feel a little overwhelmed...a little useless as a mom. I shared with a friend at work that i feel like I am always trying to please the everything. I finally felt like i could go out with friends and enjoy the evening. But Matthew informed me that I need to be home. That I should not go out with them.

So, I don't feel like i can really go out because he gets angry when i do. Though, i am unhappy when i am home...because is always about pleasing them.

I don't know...maybe its true. But i feel like a deserve a life also. I just can't please them though. That is the whole point. It seems like one of the kids are mad at me all the time. I am under constant pressure for peace between someone.

Then, today has reminded me again and again that my birthday is coming up. I don't want to celebrate without John. It is just not going to be fun...i don't even want it to come.

Just pray for us. Pray that I can somehow compromise with the kids so that there will be peace. That God will give me wisdom.

Just pray for us.



david b mclaughlin said...

Your life needs to be about balance.

Yes, you have responsibilities as a parent (made more difficult as a single parent). But if you do not take care of your own needs you will be no good to anybody. By taking care of yourself you are able to do a better job for your children in the short and long run.

You are in our prayers.

Anonymous said...

Saundra what David says is so true, you have to take care of yourself to be able to take care of them.
You say that it has been hard to let them go places, you want them close by at all times, maybe (just a thought) when you go out they feel the same, just don't know how to voice it, so they become angry, do and say things to you to make you feel guilty. I don't know but I do know that I am praying for you as I have been the past months, keep saying "Jesus" you said that helped you when things were tough. Love and Prayers, Pat Mc

Anonymous said...

Please remember that you are the Momma and they need to respect you. You do so much to shelter and protect that sometimes they lose sight of the heirachy of life. You are doing the right thing and John would want them to respect and abide by your rules.

todd said...

I am so glad you are back.
For me, kids are an enigma - they interpret things differently but we never know it and their communication skills suck.
It is about time you did start to have a life again. Since you are a very good person, you will continue to put yourself behind your kids. However, it is ok to just be you ... So when you can, do it - and don't feel guilty. Instead, remind the brats that sometimes you need some space and time too. Just keep loving them and it will be just fine.
Best always ....

Anonymous said...

Saun (sb)

Hang in there!


Anonymous said...

Saun (sb)



Anonymous said...

Where are you? We miss your posts

todd said...

Wish you were still talking...