This is a hard day for me. I am struggling. It's funny, I feel like i have been doing pretty well. This week has been hard. Seems Hannah is trying to spread her wings a little bit.
I had some papers that I needed her to sign the other day...so I went to the school, only to find out that she hadn't even been there...it was 8:30. I called her and she had just drove into the parking lot. After talking to her I found out that this had not been the first time.
I didn't feel like i could handle it alone..so knowing Rocky would help I had her go to the office with me and we talked with Rocky about it. Rocky was wonderful. But when I went to hug her she would let me and then within minutes i got a text from her that said, "I hate you. You are ruining my life." It broke my heart.
Then, found out Isaac isn't doing well in Algebra. He fought me about going to tutoring even though the teacher said he needed to go. So, i talked to her and Coach Brown and they fully supported and helped me. Coach Brown talked to Isaac and I haven't had any trouble getting him to go to tutoring since,.
Hannah still won't talk to me...it hurts. I know what i did was right.....but i have to always be the bad guy.
Rachel is sick. I had to leave her home alone on Friday. I hated it. I am her mother...i should have been there for her.
Right now...i feel a little overwhelmed...a little useless as a mom. I shared with a friend at work that i feel like I am always trying to please the kids....in everything. I finally felt like i could go out with friends and enjoy the evening. But Matthew informed me that I need to be home. That I should not go out with them.
So, I don't feel like i can really go out because he gets angry when i do. Though, i am unhappy when i am home...because again...it is always about pleasing them.
I don't know...maybe its true. But i feel like a deserve a life also. I just can't please them though. That is the whole point. It seems like one of the kids are mad at me all the time. I am under constant pressure for peace between someone.
Then, today has reminded me again and again that my birthday is coming up. I don't want to celebrate without John. It is just not going to be fun...i don't even want it to come.
Just pray for us. Pray that I can somehow compromise with the kids so that there will be peace. That God will give me wisdom.
Just pray for us.