Well, I made it through the weekend. It was rather hard. Isaac had a baseball tournament and played so well. I was so proud of him, and I know John would have been also. I missed him by my side. I used to lean on him at games, or sit close (in our chairs) and share things about the game, etc....I didn't realize how much I loved that until I didn't have it.
Sunday was Isaacs birthday with the whole family. All birthdays are hard. When I went to get the card, do your realize most "son" cards say "To Our Son". I almost cried in the store. I didn't know if I should get one that said "our" or one that just said "son". I ended up getting one that just said "son". But when I signed it....I couldn't bring myself to sign just "mommy" ....I had to sign it mommy and daddy. That is the way it is suppose to be. I was so anxious to see Isaacs expression to know if that is what I should sign. Well, he read it and smiled and that was it! So, I don't think it bothered him as much as it bothered me!!!! I still missed John being there to watch him as he opened his gifts. He is so funny.
I also had an experience picking out Mother's Day cards. It was hard buying one for Marilyn. I hurt for her. How do you celebrate with YOUR son gone? I also thought about the two mother's who also lost their sons recently. Oh, God, be with them all.
Then I thought about myself. John always did the shopping then just added the kids names to it. Let them wrap or bag it...to make it their own to me. I really, honestly, don't want to celebrate without John.. I am a mother because of him. When we celebrated mother's day it was a celebration for both of us. Oh, Lord...carry me through this.
Then yesterday we had a golf tournament for the Emma Grace Williams Fund. Matthew and Isaac played in it. The girls and I worked it. It was fun. But, I knew how John was looking forward to it. I knew he wanted to be there. In fact, I couldn't believe it....as the guys were coming in at the end of the day....I actually found myself watching for him to pull up in the golf cart. When I realized what I was doing, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. It was good to know, that when I shared this with Marilyn, that she too, was struggling with the day. Knowing that John should have been there. He had planned to be there. I was not alone. So, it was a hard day.
Today was a little difficult. I suppose it was more just left over sadness from the weekend and yesterday. I was sick to my stomach most of the day...just thinking about having to come home and fix dinner. I just didn't feel like it.
But when it came time, the kids were saying they were hungry, I think I look the enemy in the face, got up and fixed a prepared meal. But, it was fixing!!! Then, right after dinner...I thought...hey...one more thing...enemy....I am going to fix Matthew Lemon Squares. And I did! Though they were from a box, I feel like it was victory. I did not give in. I did not give up. I know the Lord carried me through the whole dinner making to the dessert eating. He did it!!!
The kids are doing great. Sometimes when I have one of them in the car with me, by ourselves, I might look over and see he/she looking out the window in deep thought. I always wonder, as they stare out the window, what their thoughts are. I find that that is always the time I think the most is in the car. I find myself shaking my head over a past hurt I may have caused John, and how I could have done that....or how I don't want to go on without him.....I have so many thoughts that come to me while I am driving. So, I wonder what they are thinking. Sometimes I will take their hand in mine and ask. They might just look at me and smile....or smile and say "nothing". But, I have a feeling that they are. Isaac especially goes into deep thought.
It is during these times that I really have to fight the enemy in my thoughts. I have to deliberately "think on those things which are TRUE, HONEST, AND PURE, AND WORTHY OF HIS NAME, FOR WHEN I THINK ON THESE THINGS....GOD'S PEACE WILL BE WITH ME. I really have to make an effort to do that. And He is always faithful.
Pray for both Matthew and Hannah to find the job that the Lord has for them this summer. I know there is one out there. Just lead them to it. Or speak to His servant that wants to do his will by hiring one of the kids.
Pray for all the kids to do well as the end of the school year draws to a close. Pray that they will have wisdom and understanding of the work and the tests that are put before them.
Pray that they listen closely to what the pastor has to say in his sermons these past few weeks, and the week to come. Help them to ponder what he says and to grow closer to him as they do it.
Pray for God to "command His Angels charge over each of us, to guard us in all our ways. That they will lift us up and protect us from stumbling". Pray His hedge of Angels around us.
Pray for God to give me wisdom in what it takes to run the household. Pray for wisdom in raising the children. Pray that he give me strength in all that has to be done.
Thank you...to all of you....for all you say, all you do and all your prayers...God Bless You !!!!
Love and Prayer,
Saundra
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Thank you to all of you for your positive comments. I don't usually have time to sit down on Saturday morning and write on my blog. But this morning...for once..I have some quiet time. Ha!!! I should be doing laundry, cleaning house, bathrooms, etc....but I don't have that motivation. I actually felt led to get on here. More on that later.
Hannah is in Lindsay, OK at a track meet. I was originally going to go. But Isaac has his last baseball games today at a tournament in Piedmont. Hannah still has a few more track meets. So I asked her if she minded that I didn't go with her. She said she didn't mind. So later, I will be heading to Piedmont for his Baseball game. While keeping in contact with her to see how she is doing. I know she will do well. And, we all know Isaac will after what happened Thursday night. He told me that that was the most fun he has had playing with the school team this year. Pretty bad when it has come to the end of the season!!! He will play in the summer league though and he had fun in that last year.
I mentioned that I felt led to get on here this morning. It was after my devotions. I was feeling a little blue...Isaacs birthday is coming up tomorrow...actually Monday...but we will celebrate Sunday at dinner with the whole family. Then I was thinking about Mother's Day. Mine,yes, because last year...as John and I were mending our relationship he made it so special. I keep going back to that day. Then, for Marilyn, how she must be hurting so much, losing her son, having to celebrate without him. She must be in so much pain. So, last night, as I sat in the living room alone, I had these thoughts racing through my mind. I really had to put them in the Lord's hands as I laid my head down. And as always he was faithful. Almost overslept to get !!!
But as I read my devotions, in a very melancholy spirit, the Lord began to speak to me through the devotions, his word, etc. At the end of my devotional time I always read two devotional books. They both spoke to me in such a profound matter. My spirits were raised and I began to look at THIS day differently. Tomorrow is in God's hands. I don't have to worry, because he goes ahead and prepares the way for me.
So, when I was thinking of heading to Panera Bread, I sat in my chair and began to think of my blog. And I felt moved to get on here and share my devotions with you. I felt like maybe they needed to be put on here to help someone. So here they are:
This is from God Calling (I have paraphrased some of it so it wouldn't be so long....
Within you is the Life of Life. The Life that down the ages has kept my servants, in peril, in adversity, in sorrow.
Once you are born of the Spirit, that is your Life's breath. You must never doubt, never worry, but STEP BY STEP, the way to freedom must be trodden. See that you walk it with me.
This means no worry, no anxiety, but it does not mean NO EFFORT!.. When My Disciples told Me that they had toiled all night and taken nothing, I did not fill the boat with fishes WITHOUT EFFORT ON THEIR PART! NO!!! My command stood. "Launch out into the deep, and let down your nets for a draught."
Their lives were endangered, the ship nearly sank, the help of their fellows (I noticed that they had help from their friends...just as I have Jeff and Sallye, and many more that have come to help me at this time)had to be summoned, and there were broken nets to mend. Any one of these trouble might have made the feel My help was not there. And yet as they sat on the shore and mended those nets, they would see My Love and Care.
The man who reaches the mountain height by the help of train or ca has learned no climber's lesson. But remember this does not mean no Guide....this does mean that My Spirit is not supplying wisdom and strength. how often, when sometimes you don't know it, I go before you to prepare the way, to soften a heart here, to overrule there.
......As I read this...I began to think...you know...I think I thought that God would do it all. That I didn't have to work hard to come back from this tragedy. That all I had to do was pray, seek him, and all would fall into place. Well,this has shown me that it is going to take work. That it is going to be hard. But he goes ahead of me...always...and always prepares the way for me. Always has a plan. That He loves me and cares for and about me. But, I must work.....or no lessons will be learned.
Then there was this devotion from Jesus Calling:
This was a real teaching one....
Rest in the stillness of My Presence while I prepare you for this day. Wait on Me in confident trust. Be still and know that I am God. There is both passive and an active side to trusting Me. As you rest in My Presence, focusing on Me, I quietly build bonds of trust between us. When you respond to the circumstances of your life with affirmations of trust, you actively participate in this process.
I am always with you, so you have no reason to be afraid. Your fear often manifests itself in excessive planning. Your mind is so accustomed to this pattern of thinking that you are only now becoming aware of how pervasive it is and how much it hinders your intimacy with Me. Repent of this tendency and resist it, whenever you realize you are wondering down this well-worn path. Return to My Presence, which always awaits you in the present moment. I accept you back with no condemnation.
.........Wow....Again...There is a time to be passive in my trust of Him, but then there is the time to be active. I feel like at this time in my life I have to be both at the same time. But, never did I think that there were two ways to trust in Him.
The part about excessive planning spoke to me also. I am a planner. I want to know what I am going to do the next minute, hour, day, week, etc. But, I think the book was so true when it said that excessive planning can hinder my intimacy with Him. So, today, I did repent and promised my Lord that I would resist it. That He does go ahead of me, preparing my way. I don't have to be excessive in it, constantly dwelling on how my day will go, how it will end......its already done...I just have to be in constant communion with Him and it will all fall into place.
Well, I hope one of them spoke to you as they both spoke to me. Isn't He amazing??
Hope to see you, my friend, at church tomorrow. Can't wait to hear what God has to teach me and show me.
Love to you all,
Saundra
Hannah is in Lindsay, OK at a track meet. I was originally going to go. But Isaac has his last baseball games today at a tournament in Piedmont. Hannah still has a few more track meets. So I asked her if she minded that I didn't go with her. She said she didn't mind. So later, I will be heading to Piedmont for his Baseball game. While keeping in contact with her to see how she is doing. I know she will do well. And, we all know Isaac will after what happened Thursday night. He told me that that was the most fun he has had playing with the school team this year. Pretty bad when it has come to the end of the season!!! He will play in the summer league though and he had fun in that last year.
I mentioned that I felt led to get on here this morning. It was after my devotions. I was feeling a little blue...Isaacs birthday is coming up tomorrow...actually Monday...but we will celebrate Sunday at dinner with the whole family. Then I was thinking about Mother's Day. Mine,yes, because last year...as John and I were mending our relationship he made it so special. I keep going back to that day. Then, for Marilyn, how she must be hurting so much, losing her son, having to celebrate without him. She must be in so much pain. So, last night, as I sat in the living room alone, I had these thoughts racing through my mind. I really had to put them in the Lord's hands as I laid my head down. And as always he was faithful. Almost overslept to get !!!
But as I read my devotions, in a very melancholy spirit, the Lord began to speak to me through the devotions, his word, etc. At the end of my devotional time I always read two devotional books. They both spoke to me in such a profound matter. My spirits were raised and I began to look at THIS day differently. Tomorrow is in God's hands. I don't have to worry, because he goes ahead and prepares the way for me.
So, when I was thinking of heading to Panera Bread, I sat in my chair and began to think of my blog. And I felt moved to get on here and share my devotions with you. I felt like maybe they needed to be put on here to help someone. So here they are:
This is from God Calling (I have paraphrased some of it so it wouldn't be so long....
Within you is the Life of Life. The Life that down the ages has kept my servants, in peril, in adversity, in sorrow.
Once you are born of the Spirit, that is your Life's breath. You must never doubt, never worry, but STEP BY STEP, the way to freedom must be trodden. See that you walk it with me.
This means no worry, no anxiety, but it does not mean NO EFFORT!.. When My Disciples told Me that they had toiled all night and taken nothing, I did not fill the boat with fishes WITHOUT EFFORT ON THEIR PART! NO!!! My command stood. "Launch out into the deep, and let down your nets for a draught."
Their lives were endangered, the ship nearly sank, the help of their fellows (I noticed that they had help from their friends...just as I have Jeff and Sallye, and many more that have come to help me at this time)had to be summoned, and there were broken nets to mend. Any one of these trouble might have made the feel My help was not there. And yet as they sat on the shore and mended those nets, they would see My Love and Care.
The man who reaches the mountain height by the help of train or ca has learned no climber's lesson. But remember this does not mean no Guide....this does mean that My Spirit is not supplying wisdom and strength. how often, when sometimes you don't know it, I go before you to prepare the way, to soften a heart here, to overrule there.
......As I read this...I began to think...you know...I think I thought that God would do it all. That I didn't have to work hard to come back from this tragedy. That all I had to do was pray, seek him, and all would fall into place. Well,this has shown me that it is going to take work. That it is going to be hard. But he goes ahead of me...always...and always prepares the way for me. Always has a plan. That He loves me and cares for and about me. But, I must work.....or no lessons will be learned.
Then there was this devotion from Jesus Calling:
This was a real teaching one....
Rest in the stillness of My Presence while I prepare you for this day. Wait on Me in confident trust. Be still and know that I am God. There is both passive and an active side to trusting Me. As you rest in My Presence, focusing on Me, I quietly build bonds of trust between us. When you respond to the circumstances of your life with affirmations of trust, you actively participate in this process.
I am always with you, so you have no reason to be afraid. Your fear often manifests itself in excessive planning. Your mind is so accustomed to this pattern of thinking that you are only now becoming aware of how pervasive it is and how much it hinders your intimacy with Me. Repent of this tendency and resist it, whenever you realize you are wondering down this well-worn path. Return to My Presence, which always awaits you in the present moment. I accept you back with no condemnation.
.........Wow....Again...There is a time to be passive in my trust of Him, but then there is the time to be active. I feel like at this time in my life I have to be both at the same time. But, never did I think that there were two ways to trust in Him.
The part about excessive planning spoke to me also. I am a planner. I want to know what I am going to do the next minute, hour, day, week, etc. But, I think the book was so true when it said that excessive planning can hinder my intimacy with Him. So, today, I did repent and promised my Lord that I would resist it. That He does go ahead of me, preparing my way. I don't have to be excessive in it, constantly dwelling on how my day will go, how it will end......its already done...I just have to be in constant communion with Him and it will all fall into place.
Well, I hope one of them spoke to you as they both spoke to me. Isn't He amazing??
Hope to see you, my friend, at church tomorrow. Can't wait to hear what God has to teach me and show me.
Love to you all,
Saundra
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
God is so faithful! And, I love sharing his faithfulness with you....my faithful readers. I have been sleeping in my own bed every night now. There are moments that I wish he were beside me...but God is so good to be there beside me.
To share another answer to prayer.....I was getting ready to take a shower Tuesday night, I let the water run for a minute before I got in and when I stuck my foot in....I thought it would freeze!!! I waited a little bit longer, knew no one else had taken a shower yet, turned it all the way to hot.....ta da!!! No hot water. I called Jay and he and Mark came over and looked at it. It was shot. History. But Mark volunteered to put it in, all I would have to do is buy one. Friends, I had hot water by the next afternoon! And he got a great deal on one...a bigger one!!!! I was so happy. I appreciate him doing that for me.
Something I am learning more and more....well it started in a devotion.....that I am not to let unexpected shake me up. The devotion said that "He is the same....." so when unexpected, unwanted things come into our lives that we are to rest in Him and know that he is still at work in our lives. That we are okay. So when the water heater went out, yeah, I kind of started letting it bother me, then I remembered....its okay...it isn't the end of the world. Focus on what God wants me to learn out of this. I believe there is a lesson in everything. Focus. I did. And it was alright. I was alright. I slept fine that night. Knowing it was in God's hands.
Then Wednesday night Rach had a softball game. And she made an awesome play! Caught a grounder to second backhanded, ran to second and threw it to first. Had there not already been 2 outs she would have made a double play. Now, mind you, this is the little girl that John and I used to get a chuckle from because she loved softball so much, but we just didn't think she had it in her!!! She so surprised everyone! I told her I knew that daddy saw that and his mouth was still hanging open from surprise! Awesome play!!!!
Tonight we went to Isaac's baseball tournament in Piedmont. We were down 4-2. We were struggling a bit and Isaac got up to bat, hit a grounder, hard to short stop....short stop bobbled it, and he made it to first. It seemed that that was the turning point for the game. One after another the guys were hitting great hits, or the pitcher was walking them. We were coming into home base one after another. We ended up winning 8-4!!!! I told him that he just made the team know they could do it!!!
I just want to mention a thank you to Western Lawns. They are doing a fabulous job on my lawn. It looks so good. More than I imagine. Thank you so much.
Also, I just found out that they have set up a trust fund for my kids as SNU. A scholarship fund. It is called the 'Griffis Children Educational Trust Fund.' I don't know too much about it, but if you are interested in donating you can mail a check to SNU at 6729 NW 39th Expwy, Bethany, OK 73008. Your donations will be divided equally among each of the kids' accounts, and can be used by the kids for any college's costs and not just SNU. If you have any questions call David Long. I consider that an answer to prayer. I couldn't imagine, or even dream of sending my kids there if they hadn't set that up. Thank you SNU and all who donate.
I want to also thank all of you who support me, who are wrapped around my life and my family. Who have taken me under your wings and helped me through this journey. It is because of you, and the help of our Lord, that I am where I am. I will survive because of the love and prayers that you give to me.
Thanks again...I love you all,
Saundra
To share another answer to prayer.....I was getting ready to take a shower Tuesday night, I let the water run for a minute before I got in and when I stuck my foot in....I thought it would freeze!!! I waited a little bit longer, knew no one else had taken a shower yet, turned it all the way to hot.....ta da!!! No hot water. I called Jay and he and Mark came over and looked at it. It was shot. History. But Mark volunteered to put it in, all I would have to do is buy one. Friends, I had hot water by the next afternoon! And he got a great deal on one...a bigger one!!!! I was so happy. I appreciate him doing that for me.
Something I am learning more and more....well it started in a devotion.....that I am not to let unexpected shake me up. The devotion said that "He is the same....." so when unexpected, unwanted things come into our lives that we are to rest in Him and know that he is still at work in our lives. That we are okay. So when the water heater went out, yeah, I kind of started letting it bother me, then I remembered....its okay...it isn't the end of the world. Focus on what God wants me to learn out of this. I believe there is a lesson in everything. Focus. I did. And it was alright. I was alright. I slept fine that night. Knowing it was in God's hands.
Then Wednesday night Rach had a softball game. And she made an awesome play! Caught a grounder to second backhanded, ran to second and threw it to first. Had there not already been 2 outs she would have made a double play. Now, mind you, this is the little girl that John and I used to get a chuckle from because she loved softball so much, but we just didn't think she had it in her!!! She so surprised everyone! I told her I knew that daddy saw that and his mouth was still hanging open from surprise! Awesome play!!!!
Tonight we went to Isaac's baseball tournament in Piedmont. We were down 4-2. We were struggling a bit and Isaac got up to bat, hit a grounder, hard to short stop....short stop bobbled it, and he made it to first. It seemed that that was the turning point for the game. One after another the guys were hitting great hits, or the pitcher was walking them. We were coming into home base one after another. We ended up winning 8-4!!!! I told him that he just made the team know they could do it!!!
I just want to mention a thank you to Western Lawns. They are doing a fabulous job on my lawn. It looks so good. More than I imagine. Thank you so much.
Also, I just found out that they have set up a trust fund for my kids as SNU. A scholarship fund. It is called the 'Griffis Children Educational Trust Fund.' I don't know too much about it, but if you are interested in donating you can mail a check to SNU at 6729 NW 39th Expwy, Bethany, OK 73008. Your donations will be divided equally among each of the kids' accounts, and can be used by the kids for any college's costs and not just SNU. If you have any questions call David Long. I consider that an answer to prayer. I couldn't imagine, or even dream of sending my kids there if they hadn't set that up. Thank you SNU and all who donate.
I want to also thank all of you who support me, who are wrapped around my life and my family. Who have taken me under your wings and helped me through this journey. It is because of you, and the help of our Lord, that I am where I am. I will survive because of the love and prayers that you give to me.
Thanks again...I love you all,
Saundra
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
God is so Faithful!!! I took a giant step last night! I mean a big one for me!!! And it turned out to bigger than I expected!
I SLEPT IN MY OWN BED!!!!!! I started to feel like I was ready a little while ago. But I wanted to be sure. I only told Sallye and Jeff because I didn't want to be pushed or asked when or if I had yet. We began the process about over the weekend. I had a tone of laundry on the bed. I had started folding my laundry there and leaving it there. Even the kids knew to go there to get clean clothes and towels! So, we cleaned that off.
It may sound funny and ridiculous...but I asked Sallye and Jeff if I could have one of their old t.v.'s that they had offered me a while ago, to put in the room. I was afraid if I didn't have one that I might lay in there and think, since I am good at that. I didn't want to let my mind of time to wonder. They got me a t.v. and Jeff put it in my room.
So, last night, I got ready for bed thinking the whole time..."I can do this". Rachel had told me that she would sleep with me for a while so I thought at lease I wouldn't be alone. But, when it came down to it she said she didn't want to...."she wanted to sleep in her room". Well, I couldn't back out now, if I did I was afraid she would feel guilty and think she HAD to sleep with me. So, I grabbed Molly, our little Schnoodle, and told her she was gonna have to sleep with me!
We got into bed, I said a prayer. Kind of fought with Molly to stay in my room. She is used to sleeping with the girls since she came to live with us! But finally she curled up beside me and settled for the night. I turned the t.v. on to watch, set the timer for one hour, and settled. I thought, "I am in "our "bed. And I am okay! I felt a calm. A quietness, I felt His presence. I know God was there. I didn't have a deep sadness like I had expected. Oh, I was a little sad. I was alone! But, I wasn't alone. I told a friend at school that I know without a doubt God was there in that room with me. I sensed Him. I was too calm, too relaxed for Him not to be present.
I awoke a couple of times in the night. But I had remembered the devotion I had a while ago. It said all we have to do is whisper "Jesus" and He is right there. So, I would start to say, "Jesus, help me fall asleep again." But I told my friend, always, always, before I could get the sentence out I was alseep again. I only would get "Jesus" out. When I woke this morning....I realized He was there. He would hear me say "Jesus" and knew my need before I had to finish.
I was so excited. I felt sorry for the teachers at school. I would just tell them that I slept in my bed last night!! They were so happy for me. They knew what a step it was for me. One teacher said she could see how happy I was by my face!!!!! I did it! We did it! God did it.
A song came to my mind this morning as I was asking the Lord to give me more of Him. I know there is more. I want all of Him. I want His spirit to dwell in me. I want Him to be the potter...I am the clay. As I was praying, the song, "OH! To be like Him" came to my mind. I have been singing it all day. Isn't that what the Pastor has been telling us to strive for? Isn't that what Dave has told us we had to do to be all He wants us to be? I am so ready. I want it all.
OH TO BE LIKE HIM,
OH TO BE LIKE HIM,
BLESSED REDEEMER,
PURE AS THOUGHT ART,
COME IN THY SWEETNESS
COME IN THY GOODNESS,
STAMP THINE OWN IMAGE
DEEP ON MY HEART!!!!
What a song! What a cry! That is my cry, and my prayer. I want to be like Him. I want to be His witness.
Pray that God will pour His spirit on me. That I will be open to Him, holding nothing back.
Pray for Matthew and Hannah to both get some summer jobs. We really need this to happen.
Pray for Isaac. Give him an obedient heart. A desire to do the right thing.
Rachel is going through a difficult time. I think it is just her time to grieve for her daddy. Pray for God's spirit to be with her. Bring her a joy unspeakable!
I still haven't been able to eat at the table. And I am still having trouble fixing meals. They are usually pre-made meals. I just can't do it. I don't know why. But, I know in his time God will arrange that. So, pray that as he showed me the time to move in my bedroom, he will also show me the time to eat at the table and once again enjoy fixing meals again. I used to love that! Pray for the joy of that to come back.
Thanks for your prayers....We are seeing Him answer them!
Love,
Saundra
I SLEPT IN MY OWN BED!!!!!! I started to feel like I was ready a little while ago. But I wanted to be sure. I only told Sallye and Jeff because I didn't want to be pushed or asked when or if I had yet. We began the process about over the weekend. I had a tone of laundry on the bed. I had started folding my laundry there and leaving it there. Even the kids knew to go there to get clean clothes and towels! So, we cleaned that off.
It may sound funny and ridiculous...but I asked Sallye and Jeff if I could have one of their old t.v.'s that they had offered me a while ago, to put in the room. I was afraid if I didn't have one that I might lay in there and think, since I am good at that. I didn't want to let my mind of time to wonder. They got me a t.v. and Jeff put it in my room.
So, last night, I got ready for bed thinking the whole time..."I can do this". Rachel had told me that she would sleep with me for a while so I thought at lease I wouldn't be alone. But, when it came down to it she said she didn't want to...."she wanted to sleep in her room". Well, I couldn't back out now, if I did I was afraid she would feel guilty and think she HAD to sleep with me. So, I grabbed Molly, our little Schnoodle, and told her she was gonna have to sleep with me!
We got into bed, I said a prayer. Kind of fought with Molly to stay in my room. She is used to sleeping with the girls since she came to live with us! But finally she curled up beside me and settled for the night. I turned the t.v. on to watch, set the timer for one hour, and settled. I thought, "I am in "our "bed. And I am okay! I felt a calm. A quietness, I felt His presence. I know God was there. I didn't have a deep sadness like I had expected. Oh, I was a little sad. I was alone! But, I wasn't alone. I told a friend at school that I know without a doubt God was there in that room with me. I sensed Him. I was too calm, too relaxed for Him not to be present.
I awoke a couple of times in the night. But I had remembered the devotion I had a while ago. It said all we have to do is whisper "Jesus" and He is right there. So, I would start to say, "Jesus, help me fall asleep again." But I told my friend, always, always, before I could get the sentence out I was alseep again. I only would get "Jesus" out. When I woke this morning....I realized He was there. He would hear me say "Jesus" and knew my need before I had to finish.
I was so excited. I felt sorry for the teachers at school. I would just tell them that I slept in my bed last night!! They were so happy for me. They knew what a step it was for me. One teacher said she could see how happy I was by my face!!!!! I did it! We did it! God did it.
A song came to my mind this morning as I was asking the Lord to give me more of Him. I know there is more. I want all of Him. I want His spirit to dwell in me. I want Him to be the potter...I am the clay. As I was praying, the song, "OH! To be like Him" came to my mind. I have been singing it all day. Isn't that what the Pastor has been telling us to strive for? Isn't that what Dave has told us we had to do to be all He wants us to be? I am so ready. I want it all.
OH TO BE LIKE HIM,
OH TO BE LIKE HIM,
BLESSED REDEEMER,
PURE AS THOUGHT ART,
COME IN THY SWEETNESS
COME IN THY GOODNESS,
STAMP THINE OWN IMAGE
DEEP ON MY HEART!!!!
What a song! What a cry! That is my cry, and my prayer. I want to be like Him. I want to be His witness.
Pray that God will pour His spirit on me. That I will be open to Him, holding nothing back.
Pray for Matthew and Hannah to both get some summer jobs. We really need this to happen.
Pray for Isaac. Give him an obedient heart. A desire to do the right thing.
Rachel is going through a difficult time. I think it is just her time to grieve for her daddy. Pray for God's spirit to be with her. Bring her a joy unspeakable!
I still haven't been able to eat at the table. And I am still having trouble fixing meals. They are usually pre-made meals. I just can't do it. I don't know why. But, I know in his time God will arrange that. So, pray that as he showed me the time to move in my bedroom, he will also show me the time to eat at the table and once again enjoy fixing meals again. I used to love that! Pray for the joy of that to come back.
Thanks for your prayers....We are seeing Him answer them!
Love,
Saundra
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