God is so Faithful!!! I took a giant step last night! I mean a big one for me!!! And it turned out to bigger than I expected!
I SLEPT IN MY OWN BED!!!!!! I started to feel like I was ready a little while ago. But I wanted to be sure. I only told Sallye and Jeff because I didn't want to be pushed or asked when or if I had yet. We began the process about over the weekend. I had a tone of laundry on the bed. I had started folding my laundry there and leaving it there. Even the kids knew to go there to get clean clothes and towels! So, we cleaned that off.
It may sound funny and ridiculous...but I asked Sallye and Jeff if I could have one of their old t.v.'s that they had offered me a while ago, to put in the room. I was afraid if I didn't have one that I might lay in there and think, since I am good at that. I didn't want to let my mind of time to wonder. They got me a t.v. and Jeff put it in my room.
So, last night, I got ready for bed thinking the whole time..."I can do this". Rachel had told me that she would sleep with me for a while so I thought at lease I wouldn't be alone. But, when it came down to it she said she didn't want to...."she wanted to sleep in her room". Well, I couldn't back out now, if I did I was afraid she would feel guilty and think she HAD to sleep with me. So, I grabbed Molly, our little Schnoodle, and told her she was gonna have to sleep with me!
We got into bed, I said a prayer. Kind of fought with Molly to stay in my room. She is used to sleeping with the girls since she came to live with us! But finally she curled up beside me and settled for the night. I turned the t.v. on to watch, set the timer for one hour, and settled. I thought, "I am in "our "bed. And I am okay! I felt a calm. A quietness, I felt His presence. I know God was there. I didn't have a deep sadness like I had expected. Oh, I was a little sad. I was alone! But, I wasn't alone. I told a friend at school that I know without a doubt God was there in that room with me. I sensed Him. I was too calm, too relaxed for Him not to be present.
I awoke a couple of times in the night. But I had remembered the devotion I had a while ago. It said all we have to do is whisper "Jesus" and He is right there. So, I would start to say, "Jesus, help me fall asleep again." But I told my friend, always, always, before I could get the sentence out I was alseep again. I only would get "Jesus" out. When I woke this morning....I realized He was there. He would hear me say "Jesus" and knew my need before I had to finish.
I was so excited. I felt sorry for the teachers at school. I would just tell them that I slept in my bed last night!! They were so happy for me. They knew what a step it was for me. One teacher said she could see how happy I was by my face!!!!! I did it! We did it! God did it.
A song came to my mind this morning as I was asking the Lord to give me more of Him. I know there is more. I want all of Him. I want His spirit to dwell in me. I want Him to be the potter...I am the clay. As I was praying, the song, "OH! To be like Him" came to my mind. I have been singing it all day. Isn't that what the Pastor has been telling us to strive for? Isn't that what Dave has told us we had to do to be all He wants us to be? I am so ready. I want it all.
OH TO BE LIKE HIM,
OH TO BE LIKE HIM,
PURE AS THOUGHT ART,
COME IN THY SWEETNESS
COME IN THY GOODNESS,
STAMP THINE OWN IMAGE
DEEP ON MY HEART!!!!
What a song! What a cry! That is my cry, and my prayer. I want to be like Him. I want to be His witness.
Pray that God will pour His spirit on me. That I will be open to Him, holding nothing back.
Pray for Matthew and Hannah to both get some summer jobs. We really need this to happen.
Pray for Isaac. Give him an obedient heart. A desire to do the right thing.
Rachel is going through a difficult time. I think it is just her time to grieve for her daddy. Pray for God's spirit to be with her. Bring her a joy unspeakable!
I still haven't been able to eat at the table. And I am still having trouble fixing meals. They are usually pre-made meals. I just can't do it. I don't know why. But, I know in his time God will arrange that. So, pray that as he showed me the time to move in my bedroom, he will also show me the time to eat at the table and once again enjoy fixing meals again. I used to love that! Pray for the joy of that to come back.
Thanks for your prayers....We are seeing Him answer them!