I'm lonely. With the exception of my parents, the rest of my family have left. Just the chaos kept my mind preoccupied. What is fearful for me is that soon it will be very quiet around me. I hate quietness right now...it makes my mind wonder.
Sometimes I don't know what to think....maybe even how to think. I take one minute at a time.
Rachel asked me when we were going to buy our Christmas tree. I have the faintest idea how to do that. We would go as a family, pick it out, and bring it home. John would cut of the end, put it in a bucket of water over night. The next day we would put it up. He was the light guy. He put the lights on the tree as well as the star. I don't know if I can do it. Honestly...Id skip it if I could.
My challenge for today is to go to the house and clean up the mess that we made yesterday putting his things in boxes. The boxes have been put in the garage. But there were quite a few golf shirts that ended up piled on my bed that Matthew wanted to keep. Then there is a pile of this, and that......So I know the bed is full of clothing needing to be put in his closet. I also want to spread my clothes around in the closet so it doesn't look so empty.
God sustains me. That is all there is to it. I am a perfect example of God's Grace. When I have my doubts, fears etc...I look to God's Grace. He is merciful.
I probably sound like I am rambling....well welcome to my mind. That is exactly how I feel.
My prayer requests for today are:
Peace for me through out the day...when I have to do things I don't want to do
Peace for each of my children
Strength to lift my head, and take that first step
Wisdom to do what is best for my children and myself.
Somebody once told me that in every one of God's Children have to go through the wilderness. Things are going well...no problems...happy as can be. Then something happens....and we are in the wilderness.....but as we look up we see that God is there...guiding us through the wilderness. Then, suddenly, miraculously we are out again. All by miracles, all by God's hand...all we have to do is look up...he does the rest.
Well, I am in the wilderness..sometimes it is hard for me to hold my head up....and believe. Believe for me.....
that is where you, my friends, family, everyone who reads this can do for me. Believe for me. Hold your head up......
I apologize if it seems I ramble....welcome to the inside of my brain. Everyday.
Well, Rach is calling for help....
Thanks for reading, thanks for praying.
I love you all,