November 16, 2010

This morning my heart is breaking for Hannah. For reasons I don't know she has decided to not go to the fall ball at school. She was so excited about it.

When she came in last night there was a sadness in her eyes. Then i read her facebook post this morning and she said, "It just never goes away."

It broke my heart and brought me to tears. She said what we are all thinking and feeling this week....all year. It just never goes away. The hurt, the pain, the memories. It is always there and this week even so much more.

The memory of that dreadful sat morning ....the sight i saw when i rounded the corner...i will never forget....and oh how the kids must feel it so much more in their little hearts.

I talked to one of Isaacs teachers yesterday and his grade is plummeting. She said she is aware of what is going on...but it is so confusing on how to handle it. He has been a little more quiet too.

It is funny, I can actually see all of us deteriorating as the week goes on. Each of us is growing quieter, and i noticed the kids will just be sitting and staring off into space.

I don't know how we will make it.

Friday will be especially difficult. I am trying to find something for everyone to be doinIg with their friends...stay overs....etc......I don't want them to be sitting at home Friday evening or even sat doing nothing. I have things I can do to take my mind off....but I worry so much about them.

Course, Hannah is so on my mind. I know she is hurting....what do i do?

Please keep her in your prayers,..all of them. Even my happy little rach has a sadness in her eyes......

I never knew i would hurt this way again...i thought it was only at the beginning of this horrible journey.

Saundra