Tuesday, November 23, 2010

November 21, 2010...or Tuesday I think

I am tired of the rumours and the lies. I am tired of the talk that is so untrue. So I am here to set it straight. And when the truth comes out, the lies end and I pray that the prayers begin,

I wont go into detail, it isn't necessary. God is in details. It started Sunday in a lot of pain and suffering. But we found out just how much pain Hannah has been carrying this past year. She took 3 valium Friday night, and then more on saturday night and mixed it with alcohol.

She was mildly evaluated Sunday morning and I was told she needed counseling. I was given a reference and called. Last night my call was returned and it was said for us take her into the hospital because they were afraid she could be suicidal.

We did. And it seemed that the moment Hannah told the psychiatrist that she was in so much pain from her dad passing, and that she never meant to hurt herself and only cover the pain. My Hannah returned. She just needed to get it off her chest.

Still they wanted to admit her....but, because by then she and Matthew we laughing and cutting up....I could not let her stay. All the way home she kept telling me that she was glad I didn't make her stay.

I feel like I made a good decidison. She was different when she got home. It seemed a burden was lifted.

She goes into see a couhnselor today. But none of my kids have been to a grief counselor. Matthew has been the MAN in this whole situation. He is going to make sure the kids and he attend.

I am broken. I am in pain. I keep wondering when I will fall apart.....I don't know how much i can take.

I can't even pick up the bible right now...it seems that i cant focus on anything. All i can do is say a prayer now and then.

I remember a long long time ago...I just couldn't pray...i was depressed and devestated. My mom called and said that I just needed to rest....she would pray to God for me. She rememinded me of the story in the Bible where the mens friends held up his hands because he no longer had the strength...that is where I am rightnow.....I have no strength.

Please pray for us. I ask for prayer for the dr hannah sees today. For wisdom....guidance..insight. For hannah to open up. I pray for Rachel and Isaac who are standing back and it seems that their world is falling apart. For matthew as he tried to step in his dads big shoes.....strength and wisdom. And for me...just to make it. I just need to make it. And my job....i just cant do it right now...pray that they have understanding there.....i am scared abou that. And of course....the whole finance thing is now on my shoulder with dr bills, and not working....oh god....i just am bein ghonest...i have to be.....

Friends...help me.

I may start blogging more than once a day.....i just have to.



Anonymous said...

Don't forget to say your prayer of "Jesus". The rumors will always be around, if not about your family it will move on to someone else. The important thing is you and your family. We are praying for each of you.
Gaylene Stiles

Jennifer Bellah said...

I have been where she is now... Praying for you all... May you feel His love & strength...

Tollya said...

We're praying Saundra! I love your reference to the man in the Bible whose friends lifted him up. That's what we're doing for you!

Anonymous said...

Lifting you Saundra and your children. You have told us how just saying the name of Jesus helped you before, say his name again over and over, you will be able to pick up your Bible again soon with his help. Right now trust in him he will carry you through, you are a strong young woman, this too will pass with all our prayers, sounds like you are doing what needs to be done. Blog, Blog, Blog as much and as often as you need, we will be reading and praying for you. Pat

david b mclaughlin said...

You and your family remain in our prayers. Never give up!

Where there is lack of information, people fill in with rumors. Unfortunately, they dont realize that sometimes where there is lack of information it is because it is none of their business.