I wont go into detail, it isn't necessary. God is in details. It started Sunday in a lot of pain and suffering. But we found out just how much pain Hannah has been carrying this past year. She took 3 valium Friday night, and then more on saturday night and mixed it with alcohol.
She was mildly evaluated Sunday morning and I was told she needed counseling. I was given a reference and called. Last night my call was returned and it was said for us take her into the hospital because they were afraid she could be suicidal.
We did. And it seemed that the moment Hannah told the psychiatrist that she was in so much pain from her dad passing, and that she never meant to hurt herself and only cover the pain. My Hannah returned. She just needed to get it off her chest.
Still they wanted to admit her....but, because by then she and Matthew we laughing and cutting up....I could not let her stay. All the way home she kept telling me that she was glad I didn't make her stay.
I feel like I made a good decidison. She was different when she got home. It seemed a burden was lifted.
She goes into see a couhnselor today. But none of my kids have been to a grief counselor. Matthew has been the MAN in this whole situation. He is going to make sure the kids and he attend.
I am broken. I am in pain. I keep wondering when I will fall apart.....I don't know how much i can take.
I can't even pick up the bible right now...it seems that i cant focus on anything. All i can do is say a prayer now and then.
I remember a long long time ago...I just couldn't pray...i was depressed and devestated. My mom called and said that I just needed to rest....she would pray to God for me. She rememinded me of the story in the Bible where the mens friends held up his hands because he no longer had the strength...that is where I am rightnow.....I have no strength.
Please pray for us. I ask for prayer for the dr hannah sees today. For wisdom....guidance..insight. For hannah to open up. I pray for Rachel and Isaac who are standing back and it seems that their world is falling apart. For matthew as he tried to step in his dads big shoes.....strength and wisdom. And for me...just to make it. I just need to make it. And my job....i just cant do it right now...pray that they have understanding there.....i am scared abou that. And of course....the whole finance thing is now on my shoulder with dr bills, and not working....oh god....i just am bein ghonest...i have to be.....
I may start blogging more than once a day.....i just have to.