Saturday, November 20, 2010

November 19, 2010

As i lay in bed last night I thought well we made it...but I know we were all going to bed with very heavy hearts...still missing him so much. Someone told me the other day it really never goes away. And i thought of how well hannah put it on her facebook page...a year ago a nightmare began that never ends. That is how i guess we all feel....we will never be out of this nightmare.

Today is Hannah's birthday and I don't know how to even treat her. Do I treat her with so much sympathy because my heart is breaking for her and I know she is feeling it too? Do I fake happiness when all i feel is sadness?

Isaac and Rachel and I left School early yesterday. I guess it was so exhausting for them. Just the day, feelings and emotions...not just them but myself also. I began getting texts early from them....and finally I had Matthew come and take them to lunch and then home for the day. They kept texting me, and I couldn't stand for them to all be home alone so I soon left after lunch.

Thankfully they all have such sweet and wonderful friends that occupied their evening. Rachel had her friend Bailey over...Isaac and Matthew hung out with some of Matthew's friends, and Hannah went to the game. So thank the Lord that they had onther things on their minds.

I was very blessed and happy to see all the G shirts. It touched me that he was still remembered by so many. He touched so many question still comes....why take such a great man from a world that could use him so much?

There is a young man at school. I remember John talking about him. He was special to John...because of the relationship that they had. I still see pain in his eyes when we look at each other. I don't think John, me or anyone will ever know how he touched this boys life. In fact, not too long ago he had the words Griffis ....and the dates shaved onto his head. I could not express to him what that meant to was moving. But it is a testimony of what John meant to this young man, I would one day love to sit down with him and ask him what made John so special to him. Right now though, I believe this boy is still hurting.....

Pray for peace for us. Thanksgving next week.....we normally buy our tree the day after. I dread it. I woild rather go without. But my doctor said I can't...i must move on for the kids. Pray for all of us. How do you even begin to be happy?

Pray for me...wisdom, guidance, and right now......i honestly feel like i am living in another world....another place...a nightmare,....i can't explain what i feel. Just pray for all of us.



Anonymous said...

You never left our prayers. Know that we love you, care about you, and cherish you. Never give up hope, just as God will never give up on you. He will lift you up as to soar on the wings of eagles.
Love and Prayers, always.

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you and lifting your family up in prayer today.

Debbie Rains said...

Many mornings this week when I woke up you were on my mind. I have prayed for you and your family. May God continue to surround you and bless you with strength and His sweet presence. I am proud of all of you for persevering.

Chris said...

No, grief does not go away, but it will change shape.

At times,it will not debilitate. At times it will not crush, there will be moments it will not cry out to be noticed.

Little by little, it will change.

Christ will bring the victory over the sting of death. God's word is true and faithful.

My prayers, ever and always.