Thursday, November 18, 2010

Thursday November 18, 2010

I can't thinl...it just hurts more and more. I want to go to bed...i don't want to wake up until next year. I have said that before but have never meant it as much.

I did not sleep at all last night. Even took my meds and that did n't help. Rachel came in at one point and just lay beside me.....Lord why?

Why let us continue to hurt? Help me help them. Turn this pain and sorrow into joy...somehow....

I put on a happy face....but i am tired of that lie.

I just want to scream......

I said i would go to school tomorrow, but now I am not so sure I want to. I know everyone is wearing the G shirts so I feel like i have to. But i don't want to. I dont even know what is best anymore,

Went to see my psych yesterday. Of course he said what I am feeling is normal. He gave me help with how to face the holidays...and of course i felt like i had been through the ringer when i walked out. I had cried till i was dry.,...we had talked so much of so many things...i couldn't go back to work..i was a mess. I came home and went to bed.

I know for all of us it is like dooms day looming upon us. I just want to hide. I want to take the kids into my arms and cover us all from what lies ahead tomorrow, sat and the weeks ahead.

Pray for us....pray

Saundra

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I continue to pray for your family

Tollya said...

We are praying! If you don't feel like going to school tomorrow that's OK! Everyone would understand if you (and your kids) didn't come to school. Take a day just to be with each other....
Please call if there's ANYTHING I can do!

Love, Tollya

Anonymous said...

Praying for you all for the strength and peace that God can give to you. Pray together, cry together, then Pray together again. Its ok to scream its ok to do whatever helps you to move on for your children and you. The young people at the school will be wearing the G shirts, in fact Abby is wearing hers today she can't tomorrow, she wears the bracelet everyday, they wear these things because they remember the great teacher and man who they Love. They don't expect anything from you they just want you and the kids to know that they love you.
You and the kids do what is best for YOU ALL tomorrow don't worry about what others think because what they are thinking is how much they love you. Pat Mc

Anonymous said...

I, too, am a widow since April. I read your blog all the time. My prayers are with you and your precious children. I am so glad you have them there with you. I am alone most of the time. Why do we have to suffer so much? again, you are in my prayers. Blessings .....

Anonymous said...

As the day of my husband's death approached those first years I also felt like it was "dooms day" approaching. The Lord showed me that what I was fearing was a shadow - the worst had already happened and it couldn't happen again. We had made it this far and God would continue to carry us. Ask the Lord to give you the next 10 minutes and He will and then ask Him for another 10 minutes. God has no problem allowing us to do life in 10 minute pieces because sometimes that is all we can do. I don't know your pain but I know the God who has carried me and my daughters through the last 9 years and He will do the same for you and your children. Praying for you and your children. Hugs, Ann, widow, of FDNY firefighter killed on Sept 11, 2001 - I attend Bruce Barnard's church in NY.