It is really hard to be thankful for anything. If you look at Rachel's facebook status you can see why my heart is so heavy. All this year,,,this long, long, year I didn't know how much my kids were hurting. It took near tragedy for me to open my eyes. I feel so awful. I feel like I owe them the world.
I told the dr s the past few days...help my kids...help me...at any cost...and I sincerely mean that. IPray for the counselors...pray for the kids...pray for me.
The ss class has been so gracious to fix meals for us. It has been such a blessing. It seems that all energy has left me. I have nothing left.
I think of black friday. I had been going for years. then several years before his passing (2)...he started going with me. Imagine that! What a guy! And he didn't mind! I don't think I will ever be able to go again. It could never be the same.
I don't even know about christmas. I don't know how I can shop. My mind just turns to mush, and my eyes to lakes of water,.....
I mentioned getting a chriwtmas tree last night and hannah said she didn't even want to get one. How do I do that? Rach was there and I saw the sadness in her eyes. I don't know what to say, or what to do.
God let this time pass quickly...please.
\Today we will be with Jay and Marilyn,,,but I get sick to my stomach to think of eating....that empty seat....
Pray for Hannah....I am lucky if I can get her to eat one meal...if that is what you call it...a day. She has no desire...she wants to sleep and that is all.