Thursday, November 25, 2010

Thanksgiving 2010

It is really hard to be thankful for anything. If you look at Rachel's facebook status you can see why my heart is so heavy. All this year,,,this long, long, year I didn't know how much my kids were hurting. It took near tragedy for me to open my eyes. I feel so awful. I feel like I owe them the world.

I told the dr s the past few my any cost...and I sincerely mean that. IPray for the counselors...pray for the kids...pray for me.

The ss class has been so gracious to fix meals for us. It has been such a blessing. It seems that all energy has left me. I have nothing left.

I think of black friday. I had been going for years. then several years before his passing (2)...he started going with me. Imagine that! What a guy! And he didn't mind! I don't think I will ever be able to go again. It could never be the same.

I don't even know about christmas. I don't know how I can shop. My mind just turns to mush, and my eyes to lakes of water,.....

I mentioned getting a chriwtmas tree last night and hannah said she didn't even want to get one. How do I do that? Rach was there and I saw the sadness in her eyes. I don't know what to say, or what to do.

God let this time pass quickly...please.

\Today we will be with Jay and Marilyn,,,but I get sick to my stomach to think of eating....that empty seat....

Pray for Hannah....I am lucky if I can get her to eat one meal...if that is what you call it...a day. She has no desire...she wants to sleep and that is all.




missd said...

Hey Saun,
I just read a few of your posts~ I hope you and your kids don't worry about rumors, you know the truth! God knows the truth and you don't really owe an explanation to anyone else...
I always try to remember that "all things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called, according to his purpose..." That may be a paraphrase, but we don't always understand why bad things happen to good people...but they do. And I hope ya'll can hold onto the hope of the scripture, truly believing it. And I am proud of you for getting the counseling for everyone, it really can help us to deal with things we weren't prepared for in life! Especially when our kids have things happen to them and when they behave farthest from our expectations ever were...counselors can help us to deal with that part of parenting. Hang in there, it will be worth it if you have a professional counselor.

Peace be with you and your kids today and throughout the holidays.

Tollya said...


I'll be praying specifically for the counselors you're seeing. I'm also praying for strength for you! Please call if I can do anything to ease your load.