Saturday, May 22, 2010

I just had to share this with you.

God has been so good to me.....so good. Everyday I am drawn closer to Him. Everyday I learn more and more of His faithfulness.

I want to preface this with the fact that I used to have panic attacks often. Very often. With John's help and support, with the Lord's grace and mercy, and with God guiding doctors, I am now on medication that helps me with depression and panic attacks. But sometimes, when I am very tired, stressed, depressed, struggling etc...those panic attacks...or now I see them as attacks of the enemy...seem to creep up.

Thursday evening was one of those times. I felt one coming on....and I tried to ignore it. Took my meds to help me sleep and went to bed. When I awoke, 30 min before it was time to get up for devotions, I woke with a semi-full blown attack. I jumped out of bed and came to my quiet place. I immediately prayed the Lords Prayer and used Me in place of all pronouns. Then I read Psalm 23 and quoted Psalm 91. All the time praying for His presence to be real to me. By the time I finished these prayers, and God's words, I was at peace. I felt God's presence...with a doubt. He was here. He was here.

I read this in Jesus Calling that very morning...God had more for me!!! It said...I, the Creator of the Universe, am with you and for you. ....your part is to trust me, refusing to worry about anything.....Your thoughts close in on the problem like ravenous wolves. Determined to make things go your way, you forget that I am in charge of your life.....switch your focus from the problem to My Presence. Stop all your striving, and watch to see what I will do. I AM THE LORD!!!!

WOW!! That was exactly what I was doing before He made His presence so real, and His word so real to me that morning. I was focusing on my panic attack and not on Him. The moment I put my focus on He and His word and Power, and Glory....I was free. I could sense and feel His presence.

Boy, isn't he good? Oh, that everyone knew my God! He is awesome. I had a good day yesterday. Not one time did my mind go back to the night before or the morning. I stayed focused on the present and on MY GOD. I can honestly say...I had joy.

But then, last night....I went with Rach and a friend and rented 2 movies for us. When I got home they went to their room to watch their movie and Isaac decided he didn't want to watch the movie I had. It wasn't a girlie movie either!!! He just didn't feel like it.

I came out to watch it and felt very lonely. There was no fun in it. So I called Hannah and found that she and Tara were out just walking around campus. So I asked Hannah if they would come and watch it...neither having seen it before.

After her I called I thought to myself, "How sad that I had to call my child to come and watch a movie with me!" I began to feel like a loser, like a failure. Then, I thought...you know...its okay. She didn't mind...I didn't force her...and I am not a failure. Just this morning, God showed me that I am His. And if I am His...I am love, cared for, and special. It's okay. God will send a special friend that can watch movies with me...can be here for those times. Patience, dear....that is all I hear.

I just wanted to share that with you. How faithful he is...and good.

Pray for Hannah to get a job. She may have a part-time babysitting job...but not quite enough hours or pay. We need something a little more. I do have one job I am looking at. I am waiting to hear. Just pray that something will come along for her.

Be with Isaac. He went to bed with a high fever Thursday night. Seemed fine last night. Just help him to get his strength back. Give him wisdom for his tests this Mon and Tues.

Thanks for sharing my joys, sadness, happiness and good news, and prayers and praises with me. I appreciate your time.

Love,
Saundra