Today was long. As I look back over it,the only explanation is that I had so much on my mind. Isaac's grades, Isaac's allergies bothering him, Hannah and job, Matthew and job, Rachel's infected eye, doctor appointments, prescription pick ups....and then work. It just seems like it was endless things on my mind. At one point I told Jay that my mind was just boggled. We were trying to make plans for Thursday evening...and quite honestly...I couldn't even get there!
I have been reading alot about how God wants us to just live by the moment. He has our days planned before we even wake up. So, there is no reason for us to even plan....unless we went out of His Plan for us. It just seem like today was overwhelming.
Isaac and I have been on 3 bike rides now. We love it. But it has been a comedy of errors for us. The first time, Matthew was gone, so we didn't have a bike rack, so we decided to ride to Olverholser. We went down 39th Exp and got just past counsel and Isaac yelled "Mommy!" I looked back and he had slowed. I rode back and he had a flat. We called for help and got a ride home. At that point I didn't know how to change a tire. I have since learned.
Then this past Sunday, we decided to ride at Lake Hefner. We we on the opposite side of the lake when Marilyn text me and said a storm was coming. OH, that's what those black ominous clouds are! So, we hurried back as fast as we could, put the rack on, put the bikes on, drove home as fast as I could, and just as we turned down our street the wind started whirling.
We drove in the drive, took off the bikes, brought them in the house (of course!!!) and then hopped back in and drove to grams and gramps. That was where Hannah and Rachel were. Isaac walked into their house and said, "We are never going to get to ride!"
But after school we headed out to Hefner again. We didn't go all the way around, but went from the west side to the restaurants and then back...it was 10.3 miles. It was fun. But, that may be why I am feeling so melancholy tonight. All the other times we have ridden I thought of John, but tonight was different. I just really missed him with me. I missed him riding away and coming back to me. Riding with me and talking, then riding away and back to me again. I missed resting and talking with him. I missed watching him ride. I missed loading and unloading....I really missed our ride home. We would load the bikes then drive all the way around the lake, slowly, just talking.
So, by the time I got back to the car I was ready to come home. I was sad. So, dinner was especially hard. Since I had planned to make fruit with sour cream and marshmallow cream dip, I came home and started making it....and then again...realized that John loved to have that after a ride. Sometimes he would eat only that...nothing else. He said it was just too hot to eat anything else.
Went over to Jay and Marilyn's later. Shared with Marilyn how I was feeling. Of course she understood. But, I admitted that while I was riding and thinking of John, I thought, "if it wasn't for Isaac wanting to ride so much, I think I would give it up for the fact that I don't enjoy it as much as I used to." It just isn't the same.
You all would be proud of me though. Marilyn, Jay and I went to the cemetery Saturday night. As you know we went there on John's birthday. I was having a hard time dealing with the mound of just "Dirt". I don't want my kids to go out there and see it like that. It looked awful. So, since the ground was wet from the previous days rain, we raked up the dirt and planted quite a bit of grass seed.
What was so surprising, was that it felt "alright" to do it. I was okay. I did decide that one of the things I want to do for the kids...and me...is get a little concrete bench of some sort to sit next to his site. I know, I already want to go out there and sit...I just want to sit and think and pray. I want to be there. I noticed that some of the sites have those and I am planning to get one once the grass comes in, and the stone is put down. I want to make it look nice for the kids. I am hoping that they will want to go there either on Memorial Day or Father's Day. Pray for the grass to grow quickly.
Had the neatest thing happen. Came home from work on Monday and was so exhausted. So I sat in my recliner and crashed...literally for about 1 1/2 hours. Later, Rachel had a game so we were leaving. I walked out the door, got in the car and turned it on. When I looked up to see Rach coming out the door, I realized that there were flowers planted and the baskets that I had bought 2 weeks ago were now hanging! While I slept, some Angels came by and planted the flowers in my front beds and hung the baskets!
I found out later that the Angels work at BES. I was so surprised...and happy. I just hadn't had time to do that and wanted it done. The flowers that I had bought were dying just sitting in their containers. I am so blessed.
My prayer requests would be:
Matthew has a job at Lincoln Golf Course, but he needs another...
Hannah needs a job...desperately. Hannah is also going to Branson, MS with the school chior. Pray for traveling mercies.
Isaac needs help passing his Semester tests. Pray for wisdom.
Rachel needs help in passing her Semester tests. Pray for her to also have wisdom.
Pray for our family to bond together in love. Pray that we have patience and understanding with one another.
Pray for my children to find the Salvation of Our Lord.