Friday, June 4, 2010

It has been a little while since I have been on here. Since getting the ww passes I have been gone everyday....and now sunburned. But the kids are having so much fun! I didn't know they would enjoy it half as much as they have. It has done me good to see that.

Tuesday we spent the whole day at ww. Then, when we got home, we found a surprise in the mail and we were able to go to a Redhawks game that night! We loved that so much. Thank you so much to the sweet angel that did sent that. There was hardly anyone there. It was like having the whole place to ourselves. A tradition we used to have when we went to the Redhawks game was at the seventh inning stretch we would get the kids Dipin' Dots. A little expensive if you ask me, but it is a special treat for them....that is all they are allowed and they know that. So it works out really well. We usually sneak bottles of water in so we don't have to pay for the costly drinks!!!! Though I was surprised. It had been a while since we had been there...for some reason I was thinking that General admission was $6, it was really $10! Probably a little more than I would like to pay for a night out...but we were there....go for it! I am glad that I did. They talked about wanting to go back.

Today...when we got home from ww, Isaac got to the door first....and there were some Redhawks tickets! He was so excited!!!! Then we were all excited. We don't know who you are that brought them, but I/we really appreciate it! I don't think it is just me that want to fill our days and evenings with busy-ness....I think they do also.

Tonight, I took Isaac, Rachel and Hannah (Matthew was working) and as we got in the car I said..."Guys, we are just going to have fun tonight!" And we did! We went to the Red Robin to eat. Partially for me, but also for them. That was where John and I enjoyed going. It was hard...but I knew that it was a healing time for me. They loved it!

Then we went to the mall. Walked around, dreamed, laughed, even played! We just enjoyed one anothers' company. What a blessing.

The hard part, and I noticed Isaac seeing it at one point....were the signs that mentioned Father's day. I saw him look directly at one at least once. And he quickly averted his eyes. My heart went out to him. I could see the pain, I felt the pain. I did. I have been feeling it. I know we need to celebrate Jay as a Father. I mentioned to Dawn about leaving town. I know we did that for John's birthday on May 7 and it just seemed to make it so much easier. So I told her that maybe we could all go to Tulsa and spend the evening. The next day the guys could play golf, the girls swim at the hotel. I know she has been so busy to even think about that. So, I think I am just going to make plans to do it myself with the kids. I think it would be best. It was hard enough on all of us on Mother's day. I don't think I can bear that again. It is just too soon. Call me a chicken, call me faithless....I call it surviving.

What we have decided on the explorer is that I am going to fill it up and keep track of the mileage and see exactly what it is making in mpg. That was David's idea. I know God placed David where he has...so I can rely on him for decisions that I can't make alone and that John would usually make. So, I pray. I pray for David and I pray for me...that together we will do what is best for our family. When he mentioned that it was as if a load was lifted. I guess it had become such a burden trying to decide what to do that it was a relief to just do it this way and really see what the mpg is...and then make a decision.

We still need to get rid of the lil' ol' Saturn and get Matthew a car. I think it is on its last leg and I want to get rid of it before we are without a car for him. I can't imagine what that would be like. I know it would very well drive me crazy!

My prayer requests are:
Pray for my plans for Father's Day to go well and easy. That things will work out.

Pray for the Father..to be a Father to my children...filling that void that is there....filling their need for a Father....Holding them as their daddy did. Pray for each of them.

Pray for the car situation to just fall into place. It can happen you know. I believe in miracles..I have seen them. So, pray that David, Jeff and I have wisdom from God to do whatever it is that he sees fit.

Our home has is slowly becoming the loving, Christlike home that I have been praying for. Continue to pray that the kids will be blessed by God's Salvation. That Christ would so fill our home that guests will feel His spirit when they enter.

One more prayer...my psychiatrist said that I need to spend more time with MY friends instead of constantly worrying about the kids being happy, meeting their needs, being away from them etc. He said I am almost to burn out or break down. But it is hard to be away from them. I haven't shared this with only my sister..today..but whenever I hear a siren I immediately get my phone and call each of the kids that are gone to be sure they are alright. It just seems I can't relax unless we are together, or I know that they are all happy and safe.

So pray that that will come to me. Peace. And that I will determine to be with my friends again. That I will make and find the time to be with my friends again. It is just so hard to leave my kids. I want to be with them...to guide their every move, every action...everything about them....I need to be there for them.

Thanks again for the gifts, the blessings, the prayers, and each and every thought. I appreciate them more than I can even say.

In Christ's Love,
Saundra