I first have to tell you the learning experience I had Sunday a.m. If you are reading this, then you know me pretty well, and you know that I have cleaved to Sallye Siems. She has been there for me Sunday morning after Sunday morning so I wouldn't have to sit alone in either church or S.S. Church isn't so bad....but going into S.S. is so hard. Not only do I feel so alone, I feel like I stand out as a sore thumb, and it brings back many memories of John and I in class together. So, the Lord has used her to be my "faithful sister" on Sundays.
Saturday evening I got a text from Sallye that she wasn't going to be there. They were going out of town. I panicked. But would never, never let her know that. She has every right to be with her family. I didn't want her to be torn. So, I cheerfully text her back and told her to have fun. But in the pit of my stomach I was sick. I already was thinking of who I could ask to sit with. Then, a thought occurred to me...."leave it to me". I knew right away it was the Lord. "Leave it to me". It just kept resounding in my head. All evening Saturday, when I would begin to think of who I could ask, I would hear that same thing, "Leave it to me."
Isaac and I had a hard morning. Just butting heads as usual. Church went great. I enjoyed the sermon and the message so much. When it came time to go to Sunday School, I had to bite my tongue not to ask one of the kids to sit with me...I had even thought of asking Marilyn to come with me. But all I heard was, "Leave it to Me". So I hushed.
As I walked into Sunday School Class whose eyes would meet mine...but Joan's (her last name escapes me now). She came right to me and asked how things were. Because my heart is still raw, and I had such a terrible morning with Isaac I broke down and shared my feelings with her. It wasn't long until Cyndi Curry and Mike Curry came along beside us and began to share their experiences with me. All three were such terrific comfort and help to me. Then Joan led me to sit beside her. I sat down next to her...actually between she and Cyndi, and I had to smile. Yes indeed, He had taken care of it. Just as He had promised. But I had to LET Him. I felt so comforted. So, loved. It opened my eyes to a small glimmer of what Jesus can do when we LET Him.
This morning started as any other morning. I woke about 5:30 and came out, got a cup of Joe and came into my God Time Chair. I read the suggested reading from our church bulletin, a little bit of 2 Timothy and then in my "Reading through the Bible Bible. Then I have three books that have been my eyes into what God is teaching me for a specific day. It never amazes me how they either are all three regarding the same thing on a given day, or they combine to teach me an amazing truth.
So, I opened God Calling: It said to me. "You can never go beyond My Love and Care. No evil can befall you. Circumstances I bless and use much be the right ones for you.
The first step: Lay your will before Me as an offering, ready that I shall do what is best, sure that what I do for you will be best.
Second Step: Be sure and tell me so, that I am Powerful enough to do everything, that no miracle is impossible with me.
THEN: Leave all with me. Sure of safety and protection...you cannot see the future, I can.
Accept My Will and it will bring you joy.
God's word to me? (and to some of you this may be a "well yeah! of course..thing. but to me it was eyes opening)...
He could have healed and saved John. I now believe that. Before I was scared to admit that because then I didn't know why he wouldn't. But through this small message...yes...he could have healed John. He could have brought Him back to us perfect. But He chose not to. For whatever reason He chose not to. I have to accept that as God's will. Jesus did not want to accept that it was His Father's will that He died on the cross, but He did accept it. And look what happened!!!!! Nothing but good came from it.
So, I accept God's death. I don't have to be happy about it...I don't rejoice about it. Naturally, he is gone, there is a big void in my/our lives. But there is a reason for all He does. I will wait for that to be revealed. But he could have, He chose not to. I accept God's will.
Dear Jesus Book Says: Trust in Me with all your heart and mind, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Me and I will make your path straight.
The prayer: Trusting you with all my heart has been my goal for years. My mind is ravenous for understanding. I want to trust You wholeheartedly, but I feel stuck.
God's Word...Your desire to trust Me wholeheartedly is pleasing to me. I m providing training through your life expreriences. Allow Me to do this supernatural work in your heart. Recognize that many of the difficulties in your life are designed to help in this endeavor.
I want you to trust Me with all your heart and all your mind. The Holy Spirit will help you thing trusting thoughts. Instead of relying on your own understanding to help you feel in control, as My Spirit to control your mind. Then, wait confidently to see results. As you look to Me, trusting Me and talking with Me, I straighten out the path before you.
God's Word to me....Trust me. Now that you know that this is all my will and in my control, trust me. Don't try to figure things out. Just trust me.
And then Lastly...Jesus Calling: As you get out of Bed in the Morning, be aware of My Presence with you. Your early morning thoughts tend to be anxious ones until you get connected with me. Invite Me into your thoughts by whispering my name.
I am with you--you face nothing alone. You and I together can handle anything. It is this YOU AND I TOGETHER factor that gives you confidence to face the day cheerfully.
God's word to me: Live in my presence. You have accepted my will, you are learning to trust me...now live in my presence.
See how he tied all those together for me? I don't know. It may just be for me and know one else understands. But I feel a peace.
I went to the cemetery today and talked with John. Told him all I have learned. Told him God's neat revelation and truth to me. Maybe...if he can hear me...he will see that I am growing in the Spirit and know that indeed "all things work for the good of those who love the Lord."
By the way...thank you to the sweet person that put the sticker on the little bench that says, "Jesus Loves John". I was moved. Someone, besides family, loves him and has not forgotten himn. Thank you, thank you.
I love this day.......I love the Lord....Join me in thanking Him for revealing His truth to me....