Monday, June 14, 2010

Monday June 13. 2010

Rain, Rain. It's beautiful to me. Another showing of God's Power.

Things are going good here. It was a hard week last week as I stated last. But this week is looking up.

Matthew is doing good. Spent the weekend with Jonathon and friends in Texas playing golf. It was a great time for him. A good time for him to get away from "it all". You know, I know things come to my mind often when I am out doing something that John and I used to do. I wonder...How many times did Matthew wish his daddy was there? I only hope that he got past those thoughts and dwelt on where,what and who he was with. He did have a great time. I wish I knew more about golf. You would think I would! But he came home gushing with stories about the course he played. I tried to understand...acted like I did. I hope he knew I cared. I know I cannot input as John did.

Hannah is doing okay. I feel like she is doing a lot of thinking about the Lord, her life...and now her future for college. She is concerned about money to go...I know that. I would love for her to go to SNU...but she knows it would be cheaper somewhere else. So, she is even thinking that way. It surprised me that she brought it up Saturday. So, I know she is starting to think like that. I just tell her that we will walk through every door that the Lord opens for us...we just have to keep ourselves aware.

Isaac...Isaac. What God is doing in his life is amazing. He still has his "Isaac" moments...but he is changing. I told you he got ride of some music I didn't approve of. And that next morning when Matthew and I went in to wake him...there he lay...with his Bible open.....sound to sleep. He had fallen asleep reading his Bible. Something I hadn't seen since I can remember. He seems more amicable. Eager to please and do what is right. God is working. He still doesn't have that "Pal" that I am continually praying for...but God is working....that is all I need to know.

Rachel is doing good. I know she thinks of John often. But, she also keeps herself busy with her friends. She is either at their house or they are here. But she seems happy. I know she is wiser in the things of the Lord than most her age...just because of the faith that she has had to have...the prayers she has seen answered....the "God" talk she has heard. She knows. She is wise. I just pray that God uses all this for His Glory.

I had a great devotional time the other morning. I have been waiting to share it with you ...but I wanted time to be able to sit and type it. With all the rain, the kids still in bed this seems to be the time.

I have been memorizing John Wesley's Covenant Prayer. Because I want God's Will in my life. That is all I desire. It is hard to say some of the things in the Covenant prayer. For instance....Put me to doing, Put me to SUFFERING!!! It was hard for me to say that for a while. I felt like I had suffered enough. For me to say that would give him my permission to have me suffer more...(like he needs my permission!!!!!). Anyway, one morning as I was saying it, I came to that word again...I thought....and finally I thought..."Yes, Lord....suffering...whatever for your sake, for your name....if I had to do it again....yes Lord...Put me to suffering".

But, as the Lord's Prayer changed my life as I read is the Covenant Prayer. I am beginning to give my life to the Lord a different way...whatever Lord.

On June eyes were God Calling it read: (and so I wouldn't have to type it all I am typing you only the things I highlighted that I felt God was speaking to me)

You have entered now upon a mountain climb. Steep steps lead upward, but your power to help others will be truly marvelous. All towards whom you now send loving, pitying thoughts will be helped upward by you. looking to Me all your thoughts are God-inspired. Act on them and you will be led on. They are not your own impulses but the movement of My Spirit and obeyed, will bring the answer to your prayers. Love and Trust. Let no unkind thoughts of any dwell in your hears.

And then...on the same morning....this in Jesus Calling:

I am creating something new in you: a bubbling spring of Joy that spills over into others' lives. Watch and delight as My Spirit flows through you to bless others. Let yourself become a reservoir of the Spirit's fruit.

Your part is to live close to Me, open to all that I am doing in you. Don't try to control the streaming of My Spirit through you. Just keep focusing on Me as we walk through this day together. Enjoy My Presence, which permeates you with LOVE, JOY, AND PEACE.

I got so excited when I read this. What does He have in store as He bends My Will towards His Will. I just pray that He use me.

I do know one thing. job is to be filled with Joy. He wants it to flow from me to change others lives.

Use me Lord....Fill me...Use me....all to Your Glory.

Pray for me as I feel I am entering into a new stage of my grief, of my life. Pray for my children...that GOd will fill the gap/hole that has been left behind. Bend their will toward His. Bless them with His Salvation. Use them Lord.

Pray for our finances....Matthew needs a car..pray for God to work in that area...whether it be through us...our own doing ...or using His people. Or none at all...whatever he chooses....

I want Your Will Lord.



Anonymous said...

It is wonderful to read your blog and see that you are gaining peace in your life after so much suffering. I know you still hurt, but your faithfulness in our Lord astounds me. Praying for your continued strength and courage.
Love and Prayers.

Anonymous said...

God is doing mighty things through you, Saundra, and you are an encouragement to me. You have much more reason to want to give up in this life, but you hold ever stronger to Him. I pray for that courage and will to come to my life.

Anonymous said...

Dear Saundra, I, too , have lost my husband only 2 months ago. I cry with you when I read your words. Grief has no expiration date. I so appreciate your willingness to share your feelings. I'm praying for you and your children......I feel as alone as you do.........