Wednesday, November 24, 2010

November 24, 2010....Wednesday

I keep asking myself if i have to live with this ache in my heart, this sick feeling in my stomach till after christmas. I dont know how i can put on a smile and feel nothing but pain.

Took Hannah to see the counselor last night. Wonderful. As Marilyn and I sat and waiting while Hannah and she talked we just thanked the Lord for her. I feel like I have Hannah where the Lord wants her...even thougth she isn't so sure she wants to talk. So pray that she begin to have a desire to open up to this lady. She seems so sweet and so wanting to help her. Pray for wisdom for Tara (the counselor) as shehelps hannah.

Everything seems so subdued at our house. It is as if we are all waiting for the next shoe to drop. You can't know the feeling. We are all walking on pins and needles. We can't really be happy. Rach sleeps with me again. Isaac on the couch...Hannah on the couch..it is as if we don't want to go back to what was.....

Today I am calling about getting 4 kids into grief counseliing as well as making an appointment for me. I get overwhelmed when i think of keeping the appt. Hannah at her own.....the 4 kids at their own, my own grief counseling, Matthew with is psych, me and my psych, hannah with her psych, basketball games, work....family resposibilities. Do you see? Can you see...why i just want to say forget it? Pray that God puts extra time in my day. I dont' know how we will do it...pray for that...and there is even so much more involved.

This moring Rach asked when we will get our hallmark ornaments. A tradition John and I started with the kids on their first birthday.....they get to pick our a hallmark ornament. This is so hard for me. But they look forward to it. I have to say the Lord did answer prayerl.i didn't know how I was oing to do it...but i got a bonus thanksgiving check from school....there is the ornamanets. One hurdle. prayer answered....can't count how many more to go,.....but pray as we do get them today....it was such a family fun thing. I get sick to my stomach....

Pray for us , me to have strength....to go on...so smile even when i don't want to.....
Saundra

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Praying as you ask today for you and your family, You are strong Saundra, I have seen it throughout this last year, God is carrying you, let him take your worry from you, Trust in Him, the shock and sorrow are sometimes a long journey, but with God all things are possible. Love and prayers today. Pat

Anonymous said...

Praying for you and your family for the holidays. Praying that y'alls pain will turn into joy. I miss him so much, and this blog helps me with it. Thankyou for devoting your time to writing on here, I know you're helping me as well as many other people. Love all of you guys.
-Annie Holliday.

Ami said...

wardSaundra, so glad to hear that counseling is happening. This is the right thing, so don't let anything get in the way! Continuing to pray for you all.