This weekend was a little hard. Not as hard as I expected. That is what they say though; worrying and waiting for 'that' day to come is worse than the 'day' itself. I think the time that was the hardest and saddest to me was when I was sitting at the parade and went back to the last 4th...how we sat next to each other in our chairs and enjoyed the parade together. Then...I really missed him
Then yesterday (Sunday) I was cleaning up the home computer and was going through the pictures we have. I found pictures of John. The memories came flooding back. Then the tears came. I had my little moment of nostalgia and missing him.
Now....I am heading toward something for the first time again. And I am pleading for prayers. We will be heading to Branson this coming Sunday. I am scared. I will be honest. John was such the head of our home that he took care of all the little things that needed to be done...and the big. All I had to do was get packed. I didn't worry about gas, car problems, money, the route, the places we would go...nothing. There was such security in him. I just trusted him.
Now, my trust is in the Lord. But I can't help it, I am scared. I am scared that Matthew won't get the car top carrier on securely enough, I am afraid we may get lost, I am afraid of car troubles.....it goes on and on. I am keeping myself awake at night. I am sick to my stomach. I don't even know where to begin as I plan this trip. I feel lost.
I am trying to put up a brave and excited front for the kids... but it is hard. My mind wonders a lot.....
Please pray for me. Pray for God to give me a peace. The strength I need rests in Him.....I just need help believing it right now. My fear overwhelms my common sense and my heart. Please pray for me.
Pray for our safety, and protection. Pray for a good time. Just pray.