March 19, 2010 Friday

Well, my first day really alone. Isaac is with Gramps at the batting cages. Matthew took Rach and a couple of friends hiking in the Wichitas. So here I am. I wanted to go with them, but Matthew wanted to do it on his own. I told Jeff that I thought it was a learning experience for me from the Lord. I have been praying that the Lord increase my faith and trust in him. What more than to teach me with my children whom I love dearly!!!!!



In fact, in my devotions this morning it seemed like everything I read pointed to all the reasons I needed to trust God more. Why I should have faith more. I am reading the Bible through so I am reading about Abraham, Jacob....the faith that they had. I want that faith. And I believe if I ask, wait, learn I can have that kind of faith also.



So, I prayed. I prayed that God would be with the kids. That they would be protected in the car. That he would keep them safe. I prayed that "He would command His Angels over them to guide them in all they do." Ps 91.

So, I am learning faith and trust in my God who hears my prayers. This is going to be a very long day for me! But if it makes me more like my Saviour then I will not complain. Just pray with me for their safety.

Well, yesterday I went to the Kingfisher Aquatic Center with some other moms yesterday. I was fine going. Was actually looking forward to it. I got lost so I couldn't find it. But when I found it....I wish I hadn't. It was right next to the golf course that I had went with last year with John to watch the golf team play. I didn't think I was going to contain myself. In fact, where I parked, I could see the tree that John had parked me under to keep me from the wind.

So, as I sat in the center all I could think about was knowing I was going to have to go back out there. When I did, I finally cried. I was glad the girls were in a good mood because they were laughing, giggling, and singing and didn't notice my tears. I just thought, "I can't do anything, but it reminds me of him". I had a sick feeling for the rest of the night, and a tear in my chest.

But, I still know that God is in control. God sees my tears, He knows my pain. It is just another step, another step closer to becoming more like Him. I don't know how he will use it...but He will, and I will be better for it, and He will glorified in it.

I am trying to get myself outside today. It is so pretty. I need to trim the bushes. That was John's job. But, I need to do it. So, I am praying for faith and strength and to take yet another step closer to His will in my life.

Pray for me
Pray for my kids.
Peace, and joy.

Love to you all.....will talk to you later,
Saundra