I can so relate to David in the Psalms. His ups and downs. His cries for help. His cries for MERCY!!! His feelings of abandonment. But, like you said Jeff, just because God helped David kill the giant, didn't mean that he had an easy ride on the throne. I really could relate to that. Thank you for your comment Jeff. I really appreciated that.
Well, we got the rough draft made for the headstone. I thought thinking as I sat and cried through it..."Wow, this is the hardest thing I've had to do!" Then, I remembered why I was doing it.....my love was gone....there is nothing in this world could be hard than losing him. Nothing. It was hard....yes it was hard.
Thursday I still felt the effects of Wednesday. People think that I have a bad day, then the next day I am fine. Well, let me say this....there are lasting effects, for days, of the pain and hurt that I felt on Wednesday. Days! My chest aches for days, my mind hurts, my heart hurts. It takes a while to recover. In fact...it is Saturday and I sit here and cry...with the after effects of what I felt that day.
Thursday night Isaac had his first baseball game. Hurt, hurt, hurt. Is all I can say. He told me he didn't know if he even wanted to play since daddy couldn't be there to watch. Broke my heart. I couldn't even say anything it hurt so much. You all know how involved he was in Isaac's athletics. But, he had, I guess an okay game. I just sat and cried a while when I watched him. Wondering what was going through that little mind of his as he stood in the field.
Then we celebrated (with friends) Rachel's birthday at Incredible Pizza. I actually did pretty good. There were moments when I felt the absence of John. But Rach seem to do pretty well. Praise God.
Hannah isn't playing golf this year. It kind of hurts us all. She will be the first of the Griffis' not to play. John coached Jonathon and each of the kids since. She will be the first, as this is the first year that John isn't coaching. We have hears several stories from several people about her reasons for not playing. One, is that she doesn't like golf. I have a hard time believing that. The other is that she wants to work on her running. Yet she didn't want to join track 7th hour (which is when golf is). Then I heard that it was because her daddy wasn't out there. That is more believable to me. My heart breaks for her. My heart breaks for Jonathon and Jay who took over the coaching job because so many kids had said said they wouldn't play if they didn't take it over ....one being Hannah. But, Hannah has changed....I can't figure her out.
But Coach Black talked to her and I talked to him and we decided if she wasn't playing golf then she needed to be doing something...and since she is going to do track and cross country in college that that would be her best choice. So that is what she is doing. But, yes, I am sad because, whatever she says, at one time, she did like golf.
Boy, I just never know how I will feel any given day. Today....I want to be with John....literally. I want to just give in. I wish I didn't have an option.
Tears are flowing easily today. I guess because I am counting down to the 10th day of March....the day I married my sweetheart. The one who I was suppose to spend the rest of my life with. The one...who I can't stand to be without.
I was at a restaurant this morning...by myself....just watching people...missing him. There was an old couple sitting across from me.....I began to let the tears flow....as I remember John and I, so many times talked about growing old together. I thought...."that was to be us in 15-20 years." But I will never have that. Never be able to enjoy growing old with him.
I am going to bury myself under a blanket on March 10. I don't want to live through that day. I don't want to be here that day. I don't' want to. I want no memories. I just want to go away...i want it to go away.
Kids are doing okay.
Matthew is doing well at school. He still needs prayer for his golf. That the coach finds favor in him. Pray that God be with him in his school studies.
Hannah...well you know my prayer for her. That as she grieves she will find herself again. She needs help in school also.
Isaac needs help in school...especially in Pre-Algebra. Help him as he becomes accustomed to playing baseball without his daddy there.
Rachel. Praise God that she is doing well. She is happy most of the time. I can see that she does go into deep thoughts sometimes...I don't know what she is thinking,....I can only guess.
Pray for all of us to bond as a family. To accept each as they are. To love and encourage each other.
My prayer is that each of them have a deep yearning and longing to become more like Jesus. To be more of what He wants them to be.
Pray for the Bumpus family. I wish I could spare them what I have been through thus far...but I can't. I can only pray that God comfort them.
Pray for peace in our home. I am weary. I need help in the daily duties of the house. So, we are going to try and split up responsibilities. Pray that the kids would be accepting and accommodating to that idea. Pray as we talk to them
Thanks again for reading. Thanks for commenting. Please don't don't forget to pray for us.
Love you all,