Sunday, March 14, 2010

Sun March 14, 2010

I have no idea what to do for spring break with my kids. Thanks to some very special people we do get to go somewhere. But, its like, John always made life/getaways fun. I don't know how to do that. I think the kids think I am boring. Well, I probably am. They are so like their dad in being athletic, so that's all they did together. Now, I am sure its, "Oh goodie we get to go somewhere with mom and" Luckily, there is a golf course near and Matthew told me that he and Isaac would play golf. Hannah is in Vegas with her friend. That leaves me and Rach. Just pray that things will just pop into my mind to make this a fun and enjoyable time for all of them.

I feel like I am in a rut. A sad one. I can cry at the drop of a hat. I have decided that I have many faces: a church face, a school face, a home face, a home face with company face, a meet someone in public face. So many faces. I feel like I can't be what I want to be.....because of my kids, because I am suppose to be moving on and this weekend I don't feel like I have.

I had to take Hannah out to get a few things for her trip to Vegas. I saw all the spring clothes and they made me sick. I can't even pin point why. But I would look at something and see spring and I didn't like it. But it reminded me of a poem in a book that I read. I would like to share it with you. This is truly what I feel.

It's winter inside,
and I don't know if spring will ever come.

But every once in a while
I think I see a sprig of green
pushing up through the frozen ground.

Maybe just maybe
spring will come.

Be with me, God,
while I watch for spring.
Be with me, God,
when the icy winds blow.
Be with me, God,
when I slip and fall.

Help me to endure the winter.
Help me to wait for spring.
Help me to give hope a chance.
Help to (want) to live again.

That's how I feel today.

Pray for Hannah as she heads to Vegas. Pray for her safety. Pray that she have fun.

Pray for the rest of us. For protection. Pray that God will make this a relaxing fun time, where for once we can forget...just a little bit...and have a real life...have real fun. Pray that I will know what to do to make this happen.

Pray for God's hedge of Angels surround each of us and bring us home together safely again.

Thank you to my faithful readers. I love you all.



Anonymous said...

Hi from Idaho. Please know that I pray for you and the precious 4 daily. I love hearing about them. You are loved.

Anonymous said...

Faces only make the pain more intense when you take the mask off. Your heart is who you are, you shouldn't hide it.
Love and Prayers.

Jenna said...

i hope you have so so so much fun with them. enjoy this lovely getaway! be glad that you have to ability to spend this time with your children!

Anonymous said...

Love and prayers are with you this week. Pat

Anonymous said...

All of the different feelings and faces are not facades at all. It is you working through them and not allowing any single one to control you. Just because you "seem" to be a different person in different circumstances does not make you abnormal. I would encourage you to continue to work towards whatever the "new normal" is, and not get bogged down in what you feel are inconsitencies in your actions, because they are not. The fact that you allow people into your circle and show your velnerability at certain times says a lot about how far you have come. The road will not always be straight, and your path smooth, but I know that your different emotions will reconcile themselves as you progress, stay strong, stay focused on the fact that this is a marathon, not a sprint. God will continue to make you, "you" again, but with a new strength that you may never have known could exist in you, I can see it forming. And I know what kids can do and "be" I have two teenagers, one graduating this year (by the grace of God) so I will be in prayer about their hearts and that he would give you the patience of Job! Have a great Day! Jeff-Enid

Anonymous said...

Saun (sb)

Hope you get out of that "rut". Love and prayers!

Anonymous said...

Amen to what Jeff said! By the way Saundra, my kids say I'm really boring, too!!!!

Janet Hall :)