Wow, What a weekend. I woke up Saturday morning with such a longing for John. I didn't know if I could even get through my devotions.....let alone the day.
But, since Hannah is having such a hard time being with us and in our home I decided that there were two things I could do for her: the one being the obvious...pray. The second is to make it a fun place...where there wasn't always gloom, or me crying. Even if it meant holding my own feeling in I was/am willing to do that.
So, she has a project due next Friday, and Rach has one due a little later, which would make it necessary to make a trip to Hobby Lobby. Matthew was gone, judging at the Regional Speech Competition at Bethany schools. Isaac was staying with a friend. So I decided it would be a fun girls day.
So, I asked Hannah if she wanted to go to Hobby Lobby then to Walmart with me and she agreed. We soon had Rachel on the bandwagon. Then, I had not wanted to go see Emma because of it being 1) being a hospital (reminded me of too much) and 2) it was next to the very hospital. So, I just couldn't bring myself to go.
But Saturday Morning all of a sudden I felt a burst of bravery and thought "I can do this!" So I asked the girls, and Matthew who was home by now, if they wanted to go visit Emma. They all enthusiastically agreed. When we got there I parked in the wrong parking garage and the 3 kids laughed and teased me about it all the way to the right Hospital. They walked arm in arm...all three of them. Matthew being in the middle. It made me feel so good inside.
It was the same thing as we walked back to the car. Matthew in the middle and each girl with their arms around him and he them. They laughed and talked all the way to the car. It felt almost normal.
We stayed and visited for a little while and they we left. The girls and I headed to Hobby and Lobby and just spent hours in there looking around. We laughed about things, talked about things....had a great relaxing time.
We went to Scholtszky's for lunch and sat and visited and had a great time there also...sharing one another's food. Then we went to Walmart where the girls did more giggling and teasing with each other than I have seen them do for at least 4 months. It was so good!
Then we came home and just sat and relaxed with one another. Nothing said, but a lot said. If you know what I mean. Hannah seemed herself for that time.
She seemed great today also. She talked and shared and laughed and actually spent most of the day here! It was good to have her here.
Went to church this morning. Was disappointed that Matthew didn't make it. But, I know that he is moving closer to the Lord everyday. In fact, I can see it on his face, by his actions and the words he uses. God is moving on him.
I loved Sunday School. I was sharing with someone today that I almost look forward to going to Sunday School than I do church. Dave is so open. So free. He is you, he is me. I have been where he has been. He has been where I have been. Maybe not exactly the same...but we are both sinners saved by God's Grace. And that puts us in the same category.
I loved his lesson this morning. I have been praying that God would make me more like Him. Like I would be more like Him in my everyday life. But, today I thought, as Dave was speaking, of course!!! If I pray for a desire to have the mission of Christ, of saving the lost, I will become like Him! I think I've been praying wrong. My prayer is changing to ...Lord, give me a desire to win the lost for you. Give me your desire.....that your mission will become my mission!
Prayers....
Pray for Matthew as the Lord continues to work in his heart and life. Pray that he will begin to have a little more responsibility.not only in the house here with me...but in his own life. He is qualifying tomorrow in golf. Pray that he plays well. That his hands, wrists, arms, and all that is involved will move the best way for him to do the best he has done.
Pray for Hannah. Pray that she continues to open up about the pain and hurt that she is feeling. Thank the Lord for how she has started to open up this far. Pray that God will begin to heal her heart as she reveals her pain. I pray that she begins to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Help to see how he can help her.
Be with Isaac. Lord, give him an obedient heart. A heart that wants to please. A heart that is for others and not for selfish motives. Lord, work in his heart, touch his mind. Lord, I need him to be more obedient towards me. More respective to me. Help him at school as this is one area that he struggles in. Help him to understand the teachers and what they say. Give him wisdom.
Be with Rach. I pray that she will continue to hear His voice and know it. That she will be one with Him and that he can begin to work His will in her life.
Pray for our protection where ever we each go. Pray for God's angels to surround us with safety and protection.
Pray for peace in our home. Pray for patience with one another.
Pray for the Nimmo family, They have been heavy on the my heart. Lord, comfort them, and meet their needs daily.
Thank you faithful readers...I am glad you are still here.
Love,
Saundra
Sunday, March 28, 2010
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3 comments:
Good Morning Saundra,
Thank you for responding. I can't believe that this Thursday will be a month since Benj went to be with the Lord. It's like time stopped, but didn't really stop. I feel like it is so much harder today than it was when he first passed. I so know that you know. I'm praying for you as well. We think a lot of you and your husband. From reading the few blogs that I have read you are such a woman of noble charactor. I was pressing into the Lord and His word before this happened, thou I haven't stopped going to Church, I've quit reading His word as I did. You are so right...I so need to delve into Him and His word again. My minds so jumbled right now though. But I do feel His presence and Spirit close beside me inspite of it all. Thank you so much again for responding. Your thoughts mean more than you'll know. Ginger Nimmo
So proud of you! John was about fun and being light hearted. You and your children have those traits as well. You dug beneath your pain to find some small pieces of your old selves to find comfort and some much needed joy.
You are capable of so much. Don't ever forget the traits that you loved the most about your time and life with John and find a way to bring those back into your and your kids' life.
You say you can't be both but I know you can. It makes me upset because I know you can do this and it's Satan creeping in to put those doubts into your head. Remember, you are a strong, tenaious, courageous, driven, beautiful woman and mother. I am so proud to call you my friend.
There are so many traits that I see in your children that are truly of John. These types of events makes us into the people we are. I know there is much loss and hurt and pain. There is so much more. These traits that drew you to John (that made him who he is) and each and every person (family and friends) should find a way to make those admirable traits a part of our life and a remberance of his loving/living legacy.
He meant alot to our family. He was my childrens' teacher, coach, protector, and guide on their journeys. For that I am eternally grateful for the impact he made on my girls and the lessons he taught them. His actions, his committment, and his dedication to everyone is the most admirable legacy you can leave.
Don't ever forget that you are loved and prayed over everyday. The Lord always provides.
Much Love and Many Prayers!
So proud you you! Praying for you, your kids and also the Nimmo family. Pat
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