Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Feb. 2, 2010 Tuesday Afternoon

Woke up too late this morning too late for devotions. I was so disappointed! My doctor gave me some new medicine to help me sleep. And sleep I did. I had been waking at 5 or 5:30 every morning so I would get up and have my devotions. But this morning I woke at 6:45. Time enough to get Matthew up, go get gas in my car, pick Isaac up from a friends and get him to an 8:00 d:doctors appointment.

But, it is amazing what a good nights sleep can do for your emotions. I feel more in control of them. I definitely feel stronger today. I feel more alert too.

I am amazed at how God is working in Matthew's heart. I know most of you might think I am being picky with his attitude, being closed up in his room, his angry outbursts. But the last few days I have seen the side of the old Matthew that I have missed.

Jeff and Sallye were here to witness some of God's handy work last night. He and I each had a prescription that needed to be picked up at the pharmacy last night. I forgot to go get them. It was about 9:30 maybe later and he had just went to bed. So I went in and asked him if he would mind running up to get them for me. He smiled, SMILED, and said, "Yes, but you can't know how much I don't want to do this!" As he walked out of his room he was smiling at all three of us as we stood in the kitchen.

He came back with it and even joked that they didn't have any. A few weeks ago that would not have been like that. I wouldn't even had bothered to ask because I know he would not have done it. God is working in his heart. I can see it. I think Matthew knows something is going on inside too, but can't place a finger on it.

Hannah is still hanging with her friends. She has been gone everyday that they have been off of school. Staying all night with her friends. I shouldn't complain. They are perfect friends and I know that they will watch over her. I just want to make sure she is suppressing her feelings. She is sure happy though!

Isaac had his in grown toenail taken out this morning. He is doing okay. It was timed right because he doesn't have a game until next Monday. The doctor said he should be able to play. He is another that I am afraid he is suppressing his feelings.

Rachel...my Rachel. She is happy no matter what the day brings. I know she is hurting, and at times might mention it to me. But she is doing pretty good.

My prayer requests would be
That each of my kids would find a personal relationship with Christ. I know I mention this everyday, but it is so important to me. I wish we would have prayed for it sooner.....but I really feel the need for it now.

Pray that we begin to re-bond...if that is a word. It just seems like everyone lives their own lives. We don't talk to each other that often and I wish the kids would talk more to each other. I just pray that there will be a sweet bond between all of us. We need each other.

Pray that God continue to reveal himself through His word to me. I enjoy being in devotions with Him. When this morning I missed them, I was really disappointed. But, this afternoon, I had a chance, while Isaac and Rachel were busy doing their thing, to be quiet before the Lord. Today he showed me that He is My Sovereign God, eager to take care of me. I know that you probably think that is so simple minded. But at this point, when He points things out to me...I know that he is reassuring me.

I think that what is so, so, sad, is that it took this tragedy to get me on my knees looking up. What I had was a surface relationship with Him. Now, I have a heart relationship with Him. I long to stop my world and talk to Him. I can't wait to see what He is going to show me through books, His word, church, etc. Even when I begin to doubt, or have a tidal wave day....even when I question Him and His ways....He is there. He was there all the time waiting for me......it's so sad that it took this much.

Don't wait for something tragic to happen to bring you to your knees, making you realize that He is all you have. The only one who can really help.

Pray for Matthew....we are still dealing with OWU....his sociology test...etc.....

Pray for peace for all of us.

Thanks for reading, commenting, and most of all praying.

Love, Saundra


Anonymous said...

I am so happy your family is coming together so warmly, I don't really know, but I kind of know how that must feel to have that kind of support all around you. I hope you feel God's presence and His love.
Love and Prayers.

about me: said...

it makes me so happy to hear about Matthew! he's so great.. & so funny! it's awesome that you can see a change in him. it'll keep happening.. just keep praying for that change in him.. as well as everyone else will! know that you are so loved & know that you have so many prayer surrounding your family! i can't express how much i love reading your blog! i hope you know that through everything you're dealing with & going through.. it's giving others strength just watching you! it makes me want to do so much & change my heart! you have had such an impact on me in this past month.. just reading & talking to you. our little interaction gives me so much joy! i hope you know that i think of you everyday & can't express how much love i have for your family. we're not close & haven't seen each other in a long long time.. but i have so much love & hope for your & your family. you really are an amazing person! don't forget that! :]

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad that you were able to get a good night's sleep. I'm praying that will happen every night. I just want you to know how much God has spoken to me through your blog. He is using it to help you I think but also everyone who reads it. You are a very strong woman who is so willing to hear God's still voice.
Sarah Hardesty

Anonymous said...

It is great to hear how things are better for you. It sounds like a peacefulness, even though everyone is going their own ways. I try to have a Pizza night (and maybe an IHOP night) each week. It used to be Harbor House night...anyways, we get to talk and look over school papers at the table at least once or twice a week instead of going off to our own rooms and activities. I also like how you guys ate in the living room, we do that once in a while...but I still prefer our new dining table if we have the time to sit down.

Hoping and praying you have a nice day and sound sleep this week.

Peace be with your family, Dawna:)

Anonymous said...

Saundra, just wanted you to know that I'm still reading every day. I continue to pray that God will heal each of your hearts and work miracles in your lives. I'm so glad to hear how close you're becoming to God and I'm so glad to hear about the changes in Matthew. :)

Love you!

Anonymous said...


Just as you used to look forward to your time with John, you are looking forward to your time with the Lord. "A Father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling." He will never ever leave you.
All my love,

Anonymous said...

Saundra, I've not abandoned you or your family. You do not sound like the Saundra I used to read a month ago! How you've grown in the Lord and trusting Him. I continue to keep Matthew at the top of my list and love the changes he seems to be making.

Aren't Sallye and Jeff the BEST. I love those two kids.

I am praying and have not forgotten you.