Sorry it has been a while since I've been on here. It seems I haven't had time to sit down. My schedule is usually : get up at 5:30 have devotions, 6:15 wake Isaac; back to devotions; 6:30 wake the girls and get the dogs outside; then start getting myself ready to be to work by 7:45; bring the dogs in, feed them and by then its time to leave. I am not doing very well with that right now. Barely made it by 8 the other day. But I just can't see myself getting up any earlier than that!!!
Then my evenings....well you all know....basketball with Hannah, basketball with Isaac. Then I get home, get them in showers, do homework, pack lunches, then my eyes are starting to droop. By that time, I couldn't blog if I wanted. Sometimes, if I am lucky, I would have time to sleep after school before the games. But I am usually doing laundry. But if I do get a nap...I can stay up until 10:30 or so....then I could blog. But for now, I am doing it when I can.
Things have been up and down lately. There was a Talent Show at the Middle School on Friday. Two sweet boys made a video. Everything was backwards in it. Everything they did was backwards. It was neat. They had a scene where they took legos laying all over...and in the backward action put them back on the lego board...and it was the letter G. Then at the end on the screen it said, "Dedicated to Mr Griffis". I was so moved that the boys would remember Mr. Griffis. A lot of the time I look around at the kids and think, "Do they even remember the tragedy? Do they remember the loss? Have they just moved on and think of him as another teacher?" These boys made me realize that not even the kids have forgotten him. I had a chance to thank and hug them personally.
Teresa, I loved your analogy of the fog and the sun. I found it so true. That even when things seem so dark...He is there. In my devotions this morning, in the book, it says that He wants us to come to the point that even when we are in the darkness, he wants us to be content in just knowing His presence is there with us. Sometimes, it is so hard to not be afraid of walking in the darkness...and not seeing Him. I feel so alone. But I need to begin to trust Him no matter what I am facing.
Kristie, loved to hear from you. I love the story about Kalen. I see him at lunch everyday. I wish he would have called me over....it would have made me smile also. What a great idea for the kids lunches though. I may try to do that myself!
Rebekah, thank you for your words about John. He was a great guy. He was always upbeat and he did always have a joke to tell. You know, the kids never annoyed him. He would put up with them no matter what. After all, that was what he wanted, was to make a change in a young life. And I know he did that.
Anonymous, Thanks for keeping an eye on Matthew...so to speak...at SNU. He seems to be happy. As I stated before...He isn't a real talker (like his dad). But he seems content. I wish I could follow him one day and watch what he does. I don't know if he is making friends or not. I know he is with the golf team and I am definitely glad he has them. But I hope he reaches out. But, like his dad, he waits for them to come to him. You make me smile when you say that he does have a lot of his dad in him. He sure does. Sometimes he will do something and it does make me long, or hurt, for John, because it is so much like John. But, what a legacy to carry on, huh?
Jenna, you are so right. Things are different. In fact, I have learned that things will never be the same. I guess I realized that the day I lost the love of my life, my best friend, the father of my children, my leader, my sidekick...etc. I knew that life would never be the same. But, this week Delana Massey sent me an email and even though we went through different situations, we still lost something precious to us. Something that indeed changed our lives. But you know...as she told me...it is all for the better! I am closer to the Lord than I have ever been before, I look at people in a different way, I deal with things differently, I look at situations differently, I deal and look at my kids differently, I look at my own life differently, I feel the pain of other people, I hurt more for others who are hurting. Everything is different now. But, it is a good different. Yes, I still grieve and mourn John. But, through my loss, life means something more to me, people mean something more to me. I guess, Delana, you and I could say.....we are looking at life through the eyes of our Lord????? Do you think? I just really appreciated that outlook.
Ami, I love you help and guidance concerning the head stone. But I mostly cling to your words regarding satan. He attacks me on a daily basis. I know it, I know it. But, that is also why I cling to His word. To fight the battle. I can look back and see days when I know without a doubt that satan was sitting there trying to have me give up. Even those words came to my mind. But, like I said a few days ago, I have felt God tell me that I have to keep my focus on Him. So, even when satan tries, especially with memories, or fear of the future, or financial worries, I try to say aloud, "Focus on Him...." then I will try to quote a scripture that I know the Lord has given me for battle. He knows the enemy is battling for me also. I know he arms me with scripture.
Kelli, You are so right...it is hard for me to go to Hannah AND Isaac's game. Especially when I know how much they looked up to their daddy for support. And though they don't mention it, I know they would love to look at the crowd and see his smile up there. So, I hurt pretty much the whole game. You know Isaac and John would spend quite some time talking about the game afterward. I try....but I am not stupid, it isn't the same for my sweet boy. And yes, while I appreciated the check from Coach Brown, being up there was hard. Especially when I looked up there....and you would not believe the "G" shirts. I was touched. I felt like I left quite quickly, but I know if I would have stayed much longer I would start to cry.
Coach Brown and John had such a special relationship. John looked up to Coach Brown, he respected him very much. He never questioned what Coach would say...he would just do it. He actually loved him. Coach Brown has a compassion that most people don't see, but John did. John loved him very much. And I know Coach Brown felt the same for John. I know he feels a great loss, not only as a friend, but fellow co-worker and friend.
I appreciate all that bought the sweatshirts. I didn't know that the proceeds were going to us. It's funny how things get past me like that. I was shocked when Coach told me about it. Apparently my father in law knew but I didn't. But I was so appreciative of it. And I thank everyone who bought one.
I have to tell this sweet story.. When we got home Hannah said that she had such a sweet story to tell. She said that Harden Jones came to her and wanted to know where I was. I had left, she didn't know. So she told him where I should have been. He came back to her and told her he couldn't find me. She asked him what he needed me for. He said, "This is for the sweatshirt money for her". Hannah about cried. It was like a dollar and some change. She said you could tell he had been holding onto it for a long time. But he was giving his heart. Hannah came home and put it in our "vacation jar" that we put odd change in for a time away this summer. But she was clearly moved and I was so touched. I can't wait to send him a card...addressed straight to him and tell him how much that meant to us, and how special he is. Even a child knows.....
Grace, Just thanks for your prayers...they mean the world to me....as every prayer does.
Continue to pray for us:
Prayer that Matthew go to church with us tomorrow. That he will make more friends, close friends at SNU.
That he will get this humongous test done for OWU that he has to do. Not being there the last 4 weeks of class is making it almost impossible for him. Pray for his spiritual life. He has changed so much!!!! He is so pleasant and a joy to be with. He even took Isaac golfing this morning!!! I didn't even have to ask him to!!! Pray that he do well in golf. Pray that he have a desire to serve God with his WHOLE heart.
Pray for Isaac. He is starting to act up in school and at home. He is not himself. I don't know whether to blame his grief, and this is the outward expression, or if he is just being rebellious. Pray that God will lead him through this time that he is going thru. Give the teachers patience with him....and understanding. I am not very good in helping him with his work....you know it is constant tension. So I don't know if he is frustrated with that or....well I don't know. But he needs a healing touch from our Father.
Pray for me. I would never intentionally hurt my children. So, I need patience and understanding with Isaac. I need wisdom in how to deal with him. Lord, help me to be a good mother to him at this time. Help me to know his needs and to meet them as best I can. But, the Lord has to do the rest. Pray that Isaac will realize what a relationship with God can do for him. Help him to know. And then desire it. He is old enough, I know it.
Be with Hannah! Pray for her....she is taking the ACT even as we speak. We need her to do well on it. She wants to go to SNU and I don't see that for her right now. I don't know how I can send two of them there. So pray that she do very, very well on it. Wisdom is what she needs.
She threw up right before the JV game this last Friday night game. I don't know what it was. But, she internalizes a lot. Pray for her to have peace. To look to the Lord for her strength. I pray that she will yearn for a personal relationship with our Lord.
For Rachel, I just pray that you would give her peace,and happiness. That she would begin to grow in the Lord. I just feel like God has something special for her. I pray that He would begin His work in her. She has such a sensitive spirit.
I want to that Bethany Spindle and her dad....who have taken Rachel under their wing. Evidently, Bethany and her dad had a routine of going out for breakfast each Friday morning before school. Well they have invited Rachel into that routine. She loves it. I just think it is so mature, and Christlike, that Bethany would give up this time with her daddy, and share it with Rachel. She has come to look forward to it. I am hoping that she will begin to maybe talk about her feeling with him. But I appreciate it so much.
I thought I would mention that they are thinking of selling black "G" hoodies. They would like an idea of whether it would be worth it or not. Could you let me know, email, on here, cell phone, or Sallye Siems, if you would be interested?
Thanks to all of you for your faithfulness.
And I forgot...someone mentioned it in their comment of my last blog. You know how I hate weekends...especially Sundays. Pray for me this weekend when you think of me. Strength, peace, joy. All the things that are opposite of those the enemy attacks me with. I HATE SUNDAYS! I cry through most of them. And I am totally emotionally drained by the afternoon. These are the days the enemy attacks so easily. When my guard is weak, when I want to give in. Pray for God to put his Hedge of Angel around me and the kids (I know they must hurt too....it was such a family day). That we would all have peace and joy. No kidding...just talking about it has brought tears and hurts to me. Please begin praying now.
Thank you for reading, commenting and praying. Sometimes when I feel weak to pray...I rely on you, the ones I know are praying for me....that is you.
Thanks for all you do.. ALL you do.