Sunday, February 14, 2010

Feb.14, 2010, Sunday Morning

I am sure I will post tonight. But I just had to give God the glory for how I am feeling today. I know that a lot of you prayer for me....your prayers were answered!!!!!

I woke with no sick feeling or dread in my heart. Showered, then came straight out and made blueberry hearts for each of the kids....and even made the fifth one....John's. No one said anything,, but it made everything complete. I woke each of the kids with a "Happy Valentine's Day! Not saying that was easy though.

They came to the kitchen and opened their cards. I didn't know how they felt, but I had signed their cards, "mommy and daddy". I've decided that his love is still in their hearts. He is always with us. As they looked at their cards, each reading quietly, but none of them mentioned a word. I hope that I didn't hurt any of them. But I want them to know that I believe he is still with us, in our hearts and memories, and we will acknowledge that.

Matthew and Hannah, Sallye and Jeff sat together in church. I felt like a family sitting there. We share so much love between all of us. I was afraid of breaking down, just looking at the couples, but God sustained me. Then, when we went to Sunday School, that was probably the most fearful. But as we walked the fear back to the Lord and he carried me. It was so hard when Danny asked about gifts received. I almost cried then. But, I remembered what God had said...."today was in his hands".

I still carry a hurt in my heart. It is there yes. But, I think God is helping me to learn to deal with my emotions better.. It is becoming easier to focus on the positive and not the negative. I am finding it so true though, that when I keep my focus on Him......I don't feel so much pain.

It is only 12:08. I have yet to go to Jay and Marlyn's. We are not celebrating Valentine's Day there. Instead we are celebrating Jonathon's birthday. It will be a sad day...we all realize that. It will hurt so much not to have John at the table with us. On this special day. But, He will carry me. Marilyn and I had a good cry together last night. Maybe it will hold us over for dinner.

One thing I have learned through this. It is okay to cry...where ever. It is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of a tender that God can use. So, I am sure there will be tears. But there is victory.

I will let you know how the rest of the day goes. I will blog tonight....and the day comes to rest.....and I am Praising My God.

Love you all,


Anonymous said...

I am not surprised that the Lord is carrying you. He is faithful. I will continue to pray for you through your day.


Becky Beals

Anonymous said...

He is with you. Praying for you that God will carry you through the rest of the day as I know he will. You are Loved!

Anonymous said...

WOW, what a testimony, This started out as a place you could post and people could encourage you with thier comments, but it has changed...I read to be encouraged by you! It is indeed awesome to follow the progress and daily struggles so openly and see that you are leaning on an awesome God! I was telling my Pastor about this and we talked about the struggles of someone who has lost a spouse, you are helping many, I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT! Keep on keepin on...Prayers, Jeff-Enid

Anonymous said...

Saundra, This is wonderful to read. My heart has been heavy for you all day. I'm glad you have some joy and peace today. All my love....Kelli

Anonymous said...


I am so glad that you had a good day today. So thankful that the Lord carried you and I know that He will continue to do so.

I had a random thought and since I know that Sallye is really the one handling this you can just have her contact me if you want but we are getting ready to start school soccer and I know that we would be happy to sell the "G" sweatshirts there if that would be helpful. I am the girls soccer mom and Karen Laughlin is the boys so if Sallye is interested just give us a shout!

I agree with the guy who posted what an encouragement you are to me!
Keep on keeping on sweetie!!!

Love you,

LeisaK said...

Praise The Lord for more answered prayers!
Reading your blog & praying for your family daily,
is a true blessing to my heart & soul.
You are an amazing inspiration.

Ami said...

I am glad the morning went better than you expected. I hope the rest of the day was okay as well. The power of prayer is amazing. I am so glad God is holding you and carrying you. You are so special. You are being such a witness of God's sustaining grace.
I am continuing to pray for all of you.
Love, Ami

Anonymous said...

Wow. I haven't read your blog for a while although I pray for you each day. I am totally amazed at the change in your writings. God is truly at work. You are going to make it....stay in the Word.

Grace Smith said...

Well said.