Feb.15, 2010..Monday p.m.

God is good. God is Great! He is so faithful!

I think the things I was most worried about yesterday he just carried me right through.......the first of course was church. Oh, how I dreaded going. But, it was very inspirational.

Then I was worried even more about Sunday School. Being mostly married couples I was so afraid what would be talked about. It was talked a little bit at the beginning, and I teared up...just a little...but called on My Lord....and he came to me and comforted me.

Then,I was worried about going to my in-laws. While I knew that it was pretty much agreed by all that Valentines day would not be celebrated...it was all on our minds and in our hearts why it was not. We celebrated the life of Jonathon which helped the hurt a little easier to !!!!! I have always hated being along since....but it was okay. I took a little nap, watched a little tv, and talked to my sister in Illinois on the computer.

As I crawled into bed last night I thought back over the day and that poem about God Carrying You in the sand and there are no footprints. I thought if my day could have a picture...that is what you would find. That you would see two sets of footprints going to church, one set at church, two coming home and going to Marilyn's, one set at Marilyn's, two coming home....and one while I sat alone at the house. He carried me so much yesterday. I know it without a doubt.

I had a Holy calm about me. I can't explain it, except to say....He was with me.

Today was a good day. God was with me all day. I felt his presence and we even found time to talk with each other throughout the day at school. Because there are still times when I could sit and cry...but He picks me up and holds me, till I feel strong enough to go on again.

This evening I did have a moment. I was sharing with Jeff and Sallye that both Jay and I have a very hard time when we drive into the driveway. See, John fell off the roof right in the corner between the house and the garage. That is what I saw when I rounded the corner that dreadful day. That is what Jay saw when he rounded the corner that day. That is what we all saw. Though Jay is the only one that has mentioned it to me.

But every single time I drive in...I see John lying there, with the paramedics working on him. I see him. He is there. I can't stand it. Jay agrees with me that that vision comes to us every time. Well, tonight I was waiting for Isaac to get in the car and I looked up...and I saw him. It just did something to me. It set me back. It just made me sick. I couldn't eat...all I could see was John lying there...his eyes....staring blankly up at the sky, oh, I can't go on. Just pray for us. It is unavoidable at this point, but Jeff and Sallye and I are trying to come up with something to change that. It is an awful place.

Matthew is doing great. He is such a sweet boy. He is the boy that John and I kept hoping would come back someday. I wish John could be here to enjoy him like I am.

Continue to pray for him and his relationship with the Lord. My prayer is that he will realize how important it is and crave a personal relationship with Him. Also, I have contacted OWU, and Erin Toler has contacted them to make sure that Matthew has really completed all of his work. Pray that they will get back with us. We are having trouble getting responses. Though Mrs. Toler does have a way with them. Just pray that the professors be satisfied with what he has done and release him.

I worry about Hannah. She seems to be so tired all the time. She will, if she can, come home from school at 3:30 and sleep until I wake her for dinner, then she will sleep for the rest of the night. She came home from work last night at 9 and walked (about 15 min) she was sound to sleep. Very difficult to wake up. Then tonight she got home around 4 , at dinner at 5, fell asleep and slept until I made her wake up at 7:30. Now she is already in bed at 9:30. So pray that either I have wisdom to know what to do, or that she will get the rest that her body obviously needs.

Pray also that she will desire to have a personal relationship with Our Lord. I know she needs one. Please pray for her.

Pray for Isaac and his attitude. He seems so angry all the time. Pray that the Lord will soften his heart and bring him to Him. Help him to see himself as the Lord sees him. Pray that I have patient and wisdom in how to deal with him.

Pray for Rach. As the Lord, I know, is already beginning a work in her that she will have open ears and eyes to his will for her life.

Pray for protection for all of us. For His hedge of angels around us.

Kori, that sounds like a great idea with the sweatshirts. Sallye does read the blog and had already read this.

We will be starting to find avenues to announce that they are coming so people can prepare to buy them.

Wow, I just want to tell you again, how much I appreciate each of you. You really are inspiration for me to keep going. That there is hope. I love each and every comment you leave for me. I really do look forward to reading them. Most of you have been so faithful......your reward is in Heaven I am sure.

I love you all,
Saundra