I don't know what today holds....but I know who holds today. My devotion was so good this morning.
I don't think it is a coincidence that the scripture that God directed me to the other day, the devotion I read....and the words people have spoken to me all say, "HE will sustain you". I don't believe those are just happenstance words...I believe those are GOD"S words!!!!
I just have to keep believing it. I liked the one comment that said the hurt and pain never go away but become more bearable. I've been hearing over and over that it never goes away. I couldn't bear the thought of that. But to know that one day....I, like God can bear my pains, will be able to bear this pain.
Oh, I still have an ache in my heart, a hurt in my stomach, and a "cry in my chest", but I am being sustained by the MOST HIGH, and all of the Angels and friends that have been put in my path. He uses each and everyone of you by your words and deeds, etc....
The book Amy gave me was God Calling by an author with the last name of Russell. But at the very beginning of this tragedy John Whittaker spoke in our class and mention another book called Jesus Calling. He said "If you have never read it, read it."
Well, my dear, dear, angel brought me a copy last night to start my new year. I can't wait to get into it either. I read it last night for devotions and I couldn't stop underlining God speaking to me. It is unreal.
So, I am thrilled to have God Calling me in the morning, and Jesus Calling me in the evening!
Yesterday was quiet. Matthew was in his room all day. Rachel was doing her own thing and Hannah was at a friends. I got the house swept and mopped!!!! Course, I didn't get it mopped until about 9:00 last night. But I felt like I finally accomplished something! Now...laundry. Which as you all know....you can be finished one hour and in the next hour you have more!!! It is never ending.
I think last night was the first evening that we didn't go to Jay and Marilyn's. Oh, how I wanted to be there. But I know they need their space to. That is probably why I was House Cleaner of The Year. It was hard. Still couldn't "cook", but we shoved some frozen pizzas in the oven and that seemed to satisfy them.
Didn't sleep well. Hannah spent the night with a friend. So, I had Rachel, Isaac, Molly and myself on one mattress. I love the closeness to them when I am awake, but when I am trying to sleep.....The mattress was definitly made for two. Then I would wake and my mind would wonder......
Today we celebrate Isaac's birthday. For the last two years we have been so busy for his birthday that I couldn't have a party for him. I would promise him the summertime....nope that didn't happen either.
Well, I decided that I was going to do it today. So I am taking he and some friends to laser quest. Never been there, but should be fun. He thinks it is cool to finally have a party, even if it is months from his real birthday. He just wanted one! It does make me feel better to be able to fulfill the promise that I made to him.
I will probably work on laundry when we get back. It needs to be done!!! Course that will be after I take a nap from laser tag exhaustion!!!
I am trying to decide if I want to sit in our usual spot tomorrow in church. I just don't know if I can do it. But I love it down there. I miss my S.S. class. I would like to try that. I jut don't know. Pray for God's direction on that.
My prayer request
That God will continue to remind me that HE is sustaining me.
That God would send a person to fill the void that is still there in the kids lives. And that they would be receptive to that person. Hannah is so quiet...she is having a hard time accepting help in her training for cross country. But she really needs to train so she can do well next year.
Pray for Matthew....that God will continue to soften his heart, that he will grieve but find Christ in that process. That he will be more approachable. That he will work through the anger that he has. That he find Christ and always make the right choice.
That he will be able to finish his OWU work that is due in the next few weeks. Give him wisdom in this.
For my kids as they start school again. Guiding them, walking with them, whispering calming words to them. That they teachers involved will be sensitive to their needs. Wisdom to do the work that is put in front of them. Peace while at school.
Me...getting the off to school. I am so sick about them going back. I plan to take Mon, and Tue off. But just sending them off is not going well for me. I may change my mind and end up starting with them.
Protection over the me and the kids.
Thanks for your prayers, your gifts, your thoughts, your love and your faithfulness to my blog. I love you all.
BTW....check out the Bethany Tribune this week. It's for each of you. I love you.