Sunday, January 10, 2010

Jan 10, 2010

Well, this morning seems okay. Yesterday was okay. We tried many dresses on through many friends offering of their daughters. But just couldn't get that ONE out of her mind. I am still praying that she will be shown one or see one that will make her look more becoming. Things can still change!

Well, I thought I was stronger....I guess not. I went to Crest by myself. I just didn't want to bother anyone...I really thought I could do it. But I was wrong.

He was the cereal guy. Some of you know that he could eat cereal morning, noon, and night. And my kids took after him. So, he knew what was in the cabinet, and in our bedroom stacked up because it was "such a good deal".

Just walking in alone was hard. Then I got to the cereal isle. And I just stood there. I didn't know what kind to buy. What did he buy for the kids? What did they like best? What did we have at home already?

Then, my mind went first. I couldn't focus. Luckily I didn't have much on my list, but I had to make several trips through the store forgetting this or that on my list. I think also that I just couldn't wait to get out of there. I was falling apart fast.

I got through the check out. Stupid me....mindless me...I gave the guy $50 for $70 dollars worth of groceries and started to walk away. He called me back and told me that I still owe him. Do you think I could figure it out? No. I just wanted out of OUR store. The guy helped. I know he thought, and the lady behind me , that I was crazy.

Then as I pushed the cart out, I told John how much I missed him. That he was suppose to push the cart, that I was suppose to hand him the bags so he could put them in the car "just right". That I was to push the cart to the cart corral, and he would come and pick me up. BUT HE WASN'T THERE TO DO IT!

I started crying, tried Marilyn, I just needed to pour my heart out. So, I got hold of Sallye and she talked to me as I drove home. She got me calmed down and to stop crying and laughing. Isn't she great?????

I've decided no to shop Crest again. We started going there because it saved us around $25-$50 dollars a week depending on the groceries. But, I know we are suppose to be good stewards of our money....but I think God would understand this. I can't go there again.

That kind of did me in for the evening. It just makes me so weary when I go through those times. We went and ate pizza at Jay and Marilyn's. Then came home, I did a few loads of laundry and then made my "mattress" and went to bed.

Today, is a new day. In my devotions it talked about longing for the great pearl. That pearl being eternal life from our Lord. That when we receive that pearl, it will change our whole being, It will alter our personality, our language ...everything. I am begging for that pearl. I want to be changed from the inside out. It was a good devotion.

I decided yesterday that we were going to sit in our usual spot today in church. Yea, Im scared. But everyone keeps saying there's a first for everything. I didn't know if Hannah would go...she goes to second service, I didn't know if Matthew would even go. But I knew I had my babies.

Sallye called, and by God's still small voice, that she has a direct line to, she asked me if I would want She and Jeff to sit with us!!!!! Then to go to S.S. with us! YES!!!! God does answer prayer. I never thought to ask anyone. But God knew how I hold Sallye and Jeff, dear as family. She would understand my fear, my tears....and she would be there no matter what. So, we will see how today goes! I will let you know!

Today, Marsha Adams and Sallye are coming over to pick paint out for all the rooms. That excites me. That is why John was roofing....he wanted to paint the inside of the house, so roofing himself would save money. I really never thought it would get done. It made his death seem even worse to me.

So, I am excited about that. I am still working up to going to small group. We were always regulars. Since our group lived mainly in our neighborhood...we would walk hand in hand to the group. Always sitting next to each other.......I just have a hard time with it. And to be honest...I feel guilt leaving my kids to have a nice relaxing time.

Debbie, once again, your prayer.....I can't say enough. You talk to God in a way I wish I could. Thank you for the prayer.

Jadean. Thank you for your faithfulness to the blog. And for the beautiful poem. And you asked who set up the blog for was John Whittaker and Ricky Lance. I belive Ricky's number is on the blog page somewhere.

Anonymous...If you feel so led....I want to surround my home with God..with Godly things....especially with things that I knew was John. I actually can hear him singing Amazing Grace now. Some people didn't know he could sing so beautifully. But oh, how he could sing. So, I would be blessed and pleased to have it.

Prayer request;
Church this morning, S.S. this morning

To work in eeach of the kids life to have a desire to have a personal relationship with Him.

Matthew, has NSI to day at SNU..and he is dreading it. Hedoesn't like the organzied games thing. Pray that he just accept it.

Our little whiite truck. We really need it.

Jay and Marilyn. They have been so faithful to me. Helping me...even though they grieve their son. She knows I can't cook yet, or even eat at our table. She has pretty much fed us everymeal. Bless them Lord.

That Matthew would continue to let God melt and mold his heart into his image.

Also, this sounds silly, but I need help around the house. Laundry, dishes, floor. garbage. I am not sure how to approach the kids with this. John and I just did it. But, I cant on my own. Ideas., prayers...I;ll take waht aI can. I am afraid to ask because I don'twant any turmoil, or any fighting.

Not, exactly a prayer request...but I would still like to print this all and comments. Someone said something about PDF. Do you know who you are talking to? I don't even know what that it? Seriously, though....I would like to do it if someone can help me.

Have a good Sunday...I pray you bring something home from church that will alter the way you live this week.



Anonymous said...

Saun (sb)

Hang in there! Let me know an email address I can send the blog PDF's to. There are a few different ways of doing them.

Grace Smith said...


I apologize for not commenting recently, but your family and specific requests have still been in my prayers and always will. Even though we've only met a few times, the Griffis family have been special for a long time.

I knew of Dawn in college, but didn't "know" her, except as John's sister.

Dawn and my cousin worked at a Christian Music store for a short time, then Dawn and Mark became my neighbors at Bethany Place Apts.

One day, my car was stuck in a tire rut. Mark was scraping Dawn's windows, so he & his buddies pushed me out. I stopped to thank them and got stuck again! As they were pushing, Mark yelled "Don't stop to thank us this time"!

My memories of Marilyn started as the friendly, smiling, caring nurse at Gilbert Clinic, and of course, John's Mom.

I came to know Jay last because we were invited to spend Christmas with thier family less than a month after Dad died.

I felt so out of place, like we were infringing on thier family time. I only knew Jay as Dawn and John's Dad. Everyone was friendly and of course, Jim was right at home.

I was seated near Jay at dinner and after dinner, he continued a quiet, gentle conversation as Marilyn and Mom joined in.

As we left that day, I realized that Jay's personality was similar to my Dad. He knew the right words to say, when to say them and when to allow silence lead the way.

As I caught up on your blogs yesterday, I rejoiced in answers to prayers for your children. (Happy tears.)

Saundra, you are a strong woman. God is doing for you, what you are praying for your children. He's holding you close and keeping you safe, while giving you wings to fly. (Happy and sad tears. So many of your words remind me of the grief my mother went through. I understand her a little better now.)

When I read about Jay's health... (buckets of sad tears, grieving with them and for them, it just seems too much.)

Well, I ran out of kleenex yesterday and today as I read your blog, I had to grab a roll of toilet paper!

Your story of the grocery store and John stocking up on cereal.... Just like my Dad except the store was Pratt's rather than Crest. He would go to 3 or 4 stores in one day to get the best buy at each store! I asked Dad one day if he was really saving money when he considered the time, energy and gas he was spending? He just laughed.

Mom called upset one day that she couldn't go to all the stores Dad did and she "hated" Pratt's. I told her it was okay, it was like a "sport" for Dad, but she didn't have to do everything like he did. In fact, I could picture Dad with a big grin on his face, looking down from heaven proudly as he watched his wife make a decision that was right for her.

So with that, I have to tell you I laughed and cried over your blog today.

You're probably glad I haven't posted a comment in awhile. I don't mean to bring so much personal information into my comments, but your writing inspires me.

Today, I pray for you as you branch out to sit in your "usual place" at church. I'm glad you will have your friends there for moral support.

Anonymous said...

Saundra, I'm glad you've decided not to shop at Crest for now. You have a lot of firsts that you're going through and things that are hard to do and that's one thing that's easy enough to do differently. It's okay to shop at a different store for now. Once you feel stronger and have made it through some of the other things you don't have a choice to deal with then you can go back to Crest and deal with that. Don't try to force yourself to deal with more than you have to.

Also, you don't need to feel guilty about going somewhere for you and even enjoying yourself. That's a healthy thing for you to do and it will actually be good for the kids as well. Even if they have a hard time with you going and doing something (maybe they won't though!) in the long run it will make a positive difference because they will see their mother begin to heal and live life again. Don't be afraid to do things for you! :)

I'm so glad that God has placed so many wonderful people in your life so that they can help you through so many things. God is wrapping His loving arms around you in that way. :)

Please know that I am here for whatever you may need. I love you!


Anonymous said...

I will go to B&N as soon as I can. (: I hope it will give you a little bit of joy, though how bitter, to have something that close that is a reminder of him.
Love and Prayers.

Anonymous said...


Even though it seems to you like you're having some "set-backs," when I read your blog, I see beautiful progress, God's faithful presence, and answers to many prayers. How I thank Him for what He's doing with each of the kids (including the amazing things in Matthew's life!) and with you. He is surrounding you with a "widow's shawl" of amazing people who care deeply for you and your family. He is healing and making all things new in your life. I love you and I'm proud of you. And how I love seeing God at work in you and your family!


The Planet Pink said...


We do not know each other, although I grew up in Bethany and we know many of the same people. I have been following your journey and wanted you to be reminded of the many, many people who are praying for you and your family - even those of us you don't even know exist. I wrote about your husband on my blog and I hope that someday when you feel strong enough you will read it:

I breathe a prayer whenever God brings you to my mind. I hope you find some strength in knowing you are being lifted up to the God who can handle anything.

Phylis said...


What a blessing to read your blogs and see the growth that is happening in you and your family. I remember about a week ago being really concerned for you and praying so hard that God would renew your spirit and give you one day that was better. The next day I read your blog and you started by saying something like, today is a good day. There will be tidal waves but for today it is good. You talked about starting your day with God. My heart leaped with joy. I was thankful to God for answering the prayer so many of us were crying out on your behalf.

I am so happy that Hannah has been a part of the team again. It is such a blessing to see her on the court at warm up and in the games. She works with Grace "contesting" her shot and they always end in a giggle/laugh. I think how they have grown up together and again reminded of the blessing you are in our lives.

I so appreciate you letting Mason come over this past week. There is a story there, but all that is important is that your willingness has brought an answer to his little heart. I will share his prayer one day with you. THANK YOU FOR BEING A BLESSING TO HIM!

I am praying for you for tomorrow. I know, once again, God will be faithful. He is good all the time. Let this be a time that HIS story can be YOUR story. Let him transform you so that you can SHOUT TO THE NORTH, THE SOUTH, THE EAST AND THE WEST of HIS goodness and faithfulness. That will be YOUR story.

I love you and am praying for you and your family, including Jay, Marilyn, Dawn and Mark all of the time.

Love, Phylis

Debbie said...

When my children were younger, my husband had to work out of town for 8 weeks at a time. I was completely overwhelmed with housework, schoolwork and raising 4 children under 12 by myself. I finally called a family meeting and explained to the kids that I just couldn't do it all. I told them they could choose the chore they wanted to do, or we could put the chores in a hat and pick each week. At first they wanted to pick from the hat, but after the first week they chose what they wanted to do all the time. This is just a suggestion you may want to try. Family meetings, where everyone had five minutes to vent without anyone interrupting, worked really well for us. Praying daily for you & your family.
~Debbie S.~