Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Tues Dec 5

I don't know if you all noticed but most of you mentioned that there will still be days ahead when that "tidal wave" will hit. I think the same thing. I do. I know that my days won't always be as they have been these last few. I know that the enemy will try to tear me up again. But, I have the Lord, and His promise to "sustain me". HE IS GOOD.

I have been reading the scriptures that Dave asked us to read in S.S. this past Sunday. I want that. I want to stand blameless before Him. I want want His word tells us that HE wants to give us. But, I must do my part. And, I am only beginning.

I believe with all my heart that He has a plan for me and my kids. I know it. But, he is "beginning a good work in us" and He is perfecting us....so that He can use us according to His plan.

In every devotion I read there is something that tells me that He has a plan. I want to be made ready for that plan....

I know he has something planned for my kids...I don't have an idea what that could be. But it doesn't matter. They are in His hands.

Yesterday was a good day. I sent out my many Thank yous that I had and then went down to the Bethany Tribune office to pick up some extra papers to send to my family...the one at Christmas time (of the school story) then then one at New Years (our Thank You to all of you).

Last night was good. I miss Matthew so much. Yes, he is here. But he isn't? Do you know what I mean? He shut himself in his room all night again.

Went to dinner at Jay and Marilyn's again...he did go. But that was the last I saw of him. I miss him. In Prov. 5, some scripture I can't remember exactly where, it talks about coming to the end and realizing you have wasted your life. All I could think about was Matthew. Isn't that horrible? But, he has so many talents!!!! So much!!!! If he would just allow God to use him.

Today, I have a little wave of sadness. Like we all knew I would feel again. I'm not sure if it is loneliness for John, sadness for Matthew, or just a combination of that and Hannah's little white truck. It's all so much on my mind right now.

I had to laugh. Last night Isaac and I went to Walmart specifically to get him a binder. We got the groceries we needed and went to the self check out. Unloaded our cart, and then Isaac said, "Mommy! We didn't get my binder!" I couldn't believe it! So we loaded everything back in the cart and went to get his binder.

That is the way my mind is lately. I told Sallye last night. I feel like my mind is slow. I can't make decisions. When I went to get my reading glasses I cried because I couldn't make the decision! The girl did it for me! My mind seems mixed up. And I move slower than I usually do. I just feel like my whole life is in slow motion. It is so weird! So, don't ask me to make a decision...I won't..or I will cry. One or another.

My prayer requests
Of course my sweet Matthew. Pray that God work in his heart, his soul, his mind. Pray that he will want to spend time with us. We aren't that bad.

Pray that each child will begin to have a personal relationship with Christ. That they will begin to long for that relationship.

Pray for Peace amongst us, joy amongst us.

Pray that I will have wisdom in any decision I HAVE to make.

Pray for our truck

Pray for the kids at school.
Pray that Matthew get his work done for OWU.
We need a little more money for him to go to SNU....pray that the people involved will listen to God's voice.

Pray for the Griffis family. We can't do it without you.



Anonymous said...

Saun (sb)

Have a great day today!

Anonymous said...

I am praying for the Griffis family. God is there for all of you, watching over each of you. May God Bless you today.

Anonymous said...

Hoping you have a wonderful and blessed day! May you see Jesus today and feel his embrace.

Looking forward to seeing Hannah play bball tonight!


Anonymous said...

Saundra, remember...lay Matthew back down at Jesus' feet. You and John instilled the value of the scriptures in him and when his fog lifts, he'll come around. I pray especially for Matthew every day.

So glad to hear you are trying to get back into a familiar groove, but don't be discouraged if you slip back into your sadness and loneliness, it's okay.

I continue to pray for you and your family and all your needs. We take so much for granted, it helps me to read your blog and hearing how in rebuilding your life, your are 'depending' on the Lord to sustain you.

Praying for the entire Griffis family.

Jadean Murray

Rebecca said...

Lifting you up today, Saundra.

God continues to place Matthew on my mind and heart.

This man-child of yours has a calling on his life. I believe he is going to need the every day experiences he is now going through to fulfill that calling.

Bless you.


Kristie said...

Saundra, I'm fixing to be a week without a computer, so I need to give you seven days worth of prayers and good thoughts in advance. :)

I'm sorry that Matthew processing his pain and grief in such a private way is causing you worry .... rest assured that we are all praying for him, and all of the kids.

Anonymous said...

May you continue to feel God's loving arms around you. Lifting Matthew up in prayer. Peace be with you and the kids.
cousin Lisa

Anonymous said...

According to the time stamp you must have been typing this as I checked for it this morning before I left! I was sad to see nothing here yet since you usually write so early. ;) I'm glad to be able to read it now though!

Just as some of the others have said, I pray specifically for Matthew as well. James went through similar things when he lost his dad. He was only about two years older than Matthew is so I think there are a lot of similarities there. Rest assured that God can lead him out of this stage of grief but it may take time. James had a very hard time losing his dad and it took quite awhile for him to return to "normal." He still misses his dad very much but that first year was so hard. It may just take a little longer for him than the other kids. I think, for guys, feeling like they are being thrust into being "the man of the family" might be part of it - at least it was for James - and that's a hard thing for a guy his age to try to take on. Anyway, I don't know if that has anything to do with the way he's handling it or not but it's just some thoughts I've had. I will continue to pray that he will draw close to you but especially to draw close to God.

Love you!

Anonymous said...

Keeping up with your posts and praying for you all and thinking of you often.

Anonymous said...

Heavenly Father -

I am praying for Matthew right now. Only you know what lies within his heart. Only you know his thoughts. Lord, give Saunie the patience and peace she needs to give Matthew the space he is desiring right now. Fill the void Saunie feels being apart from Matthew during this time. In the days ahead, work in Matthew's heart, melt it, mold it and shape it into your heart's likeness. Lord, become Matthew's source of peace. Become his heart's desire. Fill Him with your presence and may he become hungry and thirsty for only what you have for him. As Saunie lays Matthew at your feet, may she know with great confidence that just as you are changing her, you are changing Matthew. Lord, in your wisdom and love I give Matthew to You, knowing that You are God and you love Matthew more than anyone. Thank you for Matthew. We praise you, God.

I love you, sweet sister. As you read this I pray that you will sense God's presence with you. Debbie