First, I have to tell you that I appreciate everyone of you comments. I look forward to them. When I can't get on here for a few days I begin to really miss you all. So thank you again for reading and commenting.
Sunday, again was hard. It's just so hard to not have him next to me. Thankfully, Jeff and Sallye are filling in as much as they possibly can. I miss hearing him sing next to me. I miss his hand reaching over and holding mine as we pray. I miss him holding onto the kids as he hugged on them standing there. I miss him.
Sunday school is always hard. There were little things that we did for each other....that no one could or would see...but things that I miss.
Then when I went to Jay and Marilyns for lunch I took the VYPE magazine for them to see. I feel they would want to see it also. When I opened for them the first pic I saw was of him crossing the finish line in the mock race they had in Rachel's class. His hands up and his face laughing. All I could think was that had to be the way it was when he "crossed that line from this earth to Heaven". But then I began to miss him so much my heart hurt. I began to cry and went into the other room. It wasn't long until Dawn came in and we just held each other and cried together. Sometimes that is all we need....to cry and hold each other.
Hannah worked that day. At around 4:00 I got a call from her boss. She said Hannah just began to cry. So she took her back and talked with her and Hannah had looked at the VYPE article. It was her time. Her time for the big wave, the tidal wave. Her boss, Dawn, talked with her for 2 hours and then told her to come home.
When she got here, I told her that those times would come. Then we talked about how that is the time that we need to have Scripture memorized so we can quote them. But we held each other for a while and talked through it. I knew her time would come. She is doing fine now.
Yesterday was okay. Isaac had a game in Marlow last night. Great game and Isaac played great. They did lose, which was discouraging to him. But he played well.
Then when we got home I let him take his shower then asked him to get his homework out. It was awful from that point on. He didn't want to do anything that I asked him to do. I never raised my voice. Tried and tried. But he didn't want to do it. Then he said I was an idiot and he didn't even care if he called me that. I teared up and went to Matthew. Hoping that he could help me. He was so gentle and sweet as he talked with him. But it did no good.
I called Jay and we finally came to the conclusion that nothing was going to change. It was late...just put it away and we would deal with it. He said that on the way home he noticed that Isaac was staring at the pic of John on his phone. So, he could be feeling loss, pain and hurt. Along with losing the game.....so that is what we did. We just put everything away.
I had my devotions...last night and this morning. I prayed. I prayed that God be Isaac's Father right now.....that he would guide him as John would. That God would help me to be the mother. Right now I can't be both. So I prayed that Isaac would have the heart to listen to his Father, and that I, as his mother, would have wisdom to do what God would have me to do.
So, I have a BIG tear in my heart this morning. I feel so badly that there is a wall between he and I now. He is still angry this morning. And I feeel so hopeless in this matter. I try to give where I can when it comes to homework....but it just doesn't seem to help.
Madilyn, I want to thank you for the stamps. You don't know how I was so grateful to receive them. You are so sweet to think of such a simple gesture that is such a big help. Thanks for your prayers and thoughts for all of us.
James, thank you for reading my blog and keeping up with us. I appreciate it. I remember your girls having John in class. I hope they came away with just what he wanted....different in a christlike way.
Anonymous...thank you for you scripture and words. They are such a help when I am feeling like this.
Jeff...again...thanks for thinking of us.
To all of you...
Pray for Isaac. I told the Lord this morning that I didn't even know what or how to pray for him. I don't know what he needs. I don't know what to do. Just pray that God direct me...and him.
Continue to be with Matthew. I see such a change in him. Yea, there are still things and times when I am disappointed about something that is said or done....but he has come such a long way. Praise God!!!! Pray that God would continue to work in his heart, mind and soul. Also, this seems so trivial to what we face every day...but he needs help with his golf game. He is kind of struggling. John would always be there to give him advice. Please pray that His Father in Heaven will just be his hands, his arms, his mind and his eyes as he plays. Also, we still haven't got Matthew's Sociology test and paper figured out for OWU. Please pray that it will somehow work out so he can finish it.
Be with Hannah. Her heart is now raw. I pray that God use this time to draw him to her. That she would have the desire to search for him. She is struggling in History class also. She is going to talk to the teacher today. Pray that she gain knowledge in that class.
Be with Rach. She is so tenderhearted. I pray that God use her tender heart for his glory. That she would begin to grow in spirit and wisdom according to his word.
Pray for his hedge of angels around us.