Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Jan 20, 2010

It was hard for me to blog was the second month of my Love being gone from this earth. But I made it!

Many things contributed to my being able to survive yesterday. My devotions....first thing God told me in Isaiah 11....He watches over his children as a shepherd watches over his sheep. He CARRIES them in his arms CLOSE to his HEART. And he helps those with the YOUNG!"

Wow! It was as if he was talking directly to me. Throughout yesterday I would quote that in my mind. He is watching me....He carries me....CLOSE TO HIS HEART! Where else would anyone else want to be? I felt safe...I felt Him yesterday carrying me.

Then, the school and Salon Envy gave me a gift certificate for a hair overhaul. Guys don't get it....girls do. It just makes you feel better. And I did as I left. It was good to do something that I enjoy doing...I like having my hair changed here and there.

Hannah played an awesome game last night. She was right down there getting beat up as usual. But she was awesome. I was so proud of her.

Homework was a little tedious. Rach had a bunch to do. We finished around 10:00....way past my bedtime! Let alone hers!

Then there was Isaac. Somehow we have got to come to some kind of terms with working together. We just clash every time....and I mean every time we study together. My prayer this morning was that God would give me patience and understanding to know what he needs me to do during those times. And that he would have a calm spirit when we study.

I told you wrong reg. Matthew and his qualifying. Da. I told you I didn't know much about qualifying. Yes, he did do well on Monday for qualifying. I guess you could say that he is one step closer to qualifying. But they do not do it day after day...there will just be another day when he will play to qualify. He doesn't know when that will be right now. But, just keep praying for his game. That everyday he will learn something new that will improve his game. Ive asked God to be his hands, his mind, his eyes.

We got the little white truck back! Thanks to Eric Lang and friends. I thank you so much! It makes things so much easier when we have 5 people that have to be at 6 different places!!! I usually let Matthew drive the explorer out to Rose Creek where SNU practices. It is quite a ways and I just feel better when he is in the bigger vehicle...and the new one. He is happy. He calls it his baby. I don't say anything because he knows...its my baby!!!!!

Tonight at 6 I a meeting with a few ladies who themselves have found themselves in my place. Help me to ask the right questions to help me through this. And ask the Lord to speak through them. And above all....pray for God to be there among us.

My prayer is for the safety of all my children. Physically, mentally and emotionally. Since none of them are really talking....keeping things inside I pray for their emotional needs.

Pray that EACH of them have a desire to REALLY know God. To have a personal relationship with him. To desire to know him more and more each day.

That God search my heart for anything that will keep me from having a pure heart and a closer walk with him.

Be with the kids as school. Give them wisdom for any work that they have in front of them. I believe in my heart that He is doing that. They seem to all be doing well. Isaac is starting to falter. He started off with a bang....but he's losing his gusto. We are starting to struggle again.
Pray for him. I know he misses his dad. I think he actually enjoyed their time together studying. Just him and dad. Pray for my little guy.

Pray that God continue to meet our needs. He has been good to us. Very good. But...and I say this with all honesty....I live in fear of not being able to meet my children's needs. Literally live in fear. Pray that God calm my heart...and remind me that He is ALL we need. Men...I now know the stress you are under. Bless your hearts. I am sorry.

Pray for Matthew as he travels to and from Rose Creek Golf Course for practice. I any mother would.....pray for his protection...God's protection, his hedge of Angels around him. Protection not only for his own carelessness, but from the other people driving around him.

Thank you for each comment. I was thrilled to see some new names on here. It is always fun to see that I have more prayers coming my way. Thank you for each of your prayers. I may not know you personally...but please know...that I love each of you.



Todd said...

Dear Saundra,
What an uplifting message, especially since yesterday was so difficult. It gives me hope that my Father will get through it too, and that I will be able to accept my Mothers death and move on from denial.
Prayers and continued good thoughts ...

Anonymous said...

Saunie -

As you know I have the same personality issues with Derek as you have with Isaac. While attending a parenting class, I learned a great technique: "An accusation breeds anger, a question breeds conviction." Example: One night while helping Derek with homework he, which he did not want to do, his attitude was really awful. Instead of pointing out to him that he was treating me disrespectfully, I asked him if he thought his attitude honored God. Being the first time I had taken this approach, he became very defensive, but I remained calm (which is key) and to whatever he replied, I turned my response to a question. (How do you want me to help you? How can we work together to finish your homework so that you can have time to do something else?) It really does work! The second thing I learned at the seminar is that I have the only person that I will ever have complete control over is myself. That means, that no matter how hard I try to control Derek's behavior, my greatest control comes from my response. When I control my response and remain calm, it really does make these times better. Finally, I have learned to walk away. There will always be times when no matter how you try you will not be able to resolve the situation in that moment (that's called life). When these times come, walk away. This leads me to the other lesson I learned at the seminar - consequences. Example: Drew HATES wearing coats. Until I learned this, every time we would leave the house Drew and I would bunt heads over him putting on a coat. But in only took him one time to learn the consequence of not wearing a coat, when we were to attend an outdoor parade and it was really cold. It took tough motherly love for me not to share my own coat, but Drew has not thrown a fit over wearing a coat since that time. Some times allowing our children's choices to play out with negative consequences (as long as they are safe) is the best way for them to learn and change. (If they don't do well in school, they don't get to play their sports. or If they don't clean their room, they don't get to play video games) Teaching our children that all choices have consequences - good or bad. I have learned, also, that prayer is my strength. On any particular day when I have bunted heads with either of the boys, I have found that prayer results in a better outcome.

I hope this helps. I know it has helped me. I love you!


Jenna said...

you can tell in your writing today that some of your prayers have been answered. you sound peaceful today. i hope those are the feelings going through you right now. continuing to think of you.


Anonymous said...

Saundra, I have been following your blog since the beginning. I can't say that I have been there other than seeing my mother going through this. Attached is a story I found while doing research for a Wednesday night youth lesson at church and it rang out to me.

A miserable looking woman recognized F.B. Meyer of the train and ventured to share her burden with him. For years she had cared for a crippled daughter who brought great joy to her life. She made tea for her each morning, then left for work, knowing that in the evening the daughter would be there when she arrived home. But the daughter had died, and the grieving mother was alone and miserable. Home was not "home" anymore. Meyer gave her wise counsel. "When you get home and put the key in the door," he said, "say aloud, 'Jesus, I know You are here!' and be ready to greet Him directly when you open the door. And as you light the fire tell Him what has happened during the day; if anybody has been kind, tell Him; if anybody has been unkind, tell Him, just as you would have told your daughter. At night stretch out your hand in the darkness and say, 'Jesus, I know You are here!'"

Some months later, Meyer was back in that neighborhood and met the woman again, but he did not recognize her. Her face radiated joy instead of announcing misery. "I did as you told me," she said, "and it has made all the difference in my life, and now I feel I know Him."

Anonymous said...

I found you through Kristie's blog and I have never commented before. Just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and your family daily. I don't know the loss you have suffered from your perspective, but I do know it from your children's perspective. My father passed away suddenly when I was 21 (9 years ago). I can tell you that I still miss him and think of him, but it has definitely gotten to where it doesn't hurt as much.


Anonymous said...

I am reminded of you so often throughout my day! As I was cleaning the kitchen, I had the stereo going, and there was a song that made me think of you and what you are going through. Jimmy Dell sang that these things that make me happy, are not mine at all, God has let me borrow them. Everything we have in our lives, is a gift of God, bestowed on us in love, but they are still God's. This will probably sound frivolous, but think of the happiness you had, have, and will receive. I love you, and I pray for you daily.
Love and Prayers.