Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Jan 27, 2010...p.m.

Today was one of those days where I just kept saying to myself, "I can't believe he is gone." It just kept going over and over again in my head. Just small, short thoughts. Yet they were there. Always I tear in my chest. But always being carried by my God....and ALWAYS close to his heart.

Yesterday was a pretty good day. YES!!! It was initially planned that Rach would return to her science class maybe 10 min at a time. (for most of you....when John passed, to help the kids, they moved the science room into his room and the math room into the science room...well Rach had math with going to her science class was unbearable for her...AND ME!!!) Anyway, we marked Monday as the day. When it came time she was a little hesitant at first, but I told her that when she was ready to leave just tell me and we would go.

Mrs. Newberry was so kind. She had a student move up a seat so Rach and I could sit next to each other...and Rach next to one of her friends Morgan Rothwell. It made me feel so good when I saw the look that Morgan gave was one of....I am so proud of you. Even at that young I think Morgan knew how hard it was for Rach.

Throughout the class I kept asking Rach if she was alright because she would look at me and smile. I think now it was a smile of...."Mom, we can do this!" and we did. Later in the evening I asked her if she wanted to go the next day and she said "Yes, she would." I asked if she wanted me to go with her. She said, "No, I think Morgan and I can do it together." I am so proud of her. It was very hard for me. Seeing his room so different. Changed. The pics that Rach had made for him from Kindergarten...and on. Just to see HIS room different was very hard for me. But, I actually think I struggled more than Rach. But, she did it! Praise the Lord!

Hannah played last night. And though she only played for a few minutes that 3 pointer was worth it. The smile running back was even better. I wish John was there to see it.

When we got home from the game we found Jeff and Sallye here. Remember I had painted 3 of the girls walls. Well, they had cleaned the room and put the furniture back. WHY? So I could sleep in a bed!!!! They have a bunk bed, so Rach and I slept in the double and Hannah on top. I slept great. It was probably the first I have slept that good since..... I woke up some,, but it wasn't because I was freezing from being on the floor, or back hurting from being on the mattress. I didn't have to make up the mattress and the couch, or clean up the next morning at 6:00 to get everything off the floor so we could move. It made life so much easier! Thank you so much Jeff and Sallye. God tugged and they moved. Now all we have to do to their room is finish that one wall and the trim....and they can really be moved in!

Matthew is doing alright. He is just quiet now. Which isn't any different than before. He spoke in FCA in the High School today which made me very proud. He asked me not to come because he was so nervous already. But Hannah said he did well. I knew he would.

I took Isaac over to grams and gramps to do homework tonight. We had a lot to do and I just didn't think I could do it again. It went great. Course earlier in the day...after school he and I had talked. I told him how I hated the way things were between us. We talked it out and I think he understood my side ...I think. went smoothly at gramps and he got all his homework done. I teased him and said, "See, how easy things can go when you do what you are suppose to do?" He just smiled.

Rach is doing alright. We moved her from Intermediate Math to General. John and I talked her into taking Intermediate this semester because it seemed that it was coming so easy to her. So easy in fact that it surprised John and I because we thought that would be the subject she struggled in.

Well, as we get further into this semester it seems that she is moving backwards in her math skills. I think it is just too much of change in math for her. From her daddy to a different teacher, and different skills. But it seems like she is still struggling some. Cooper Siems came over last night and helped her. I think he may have her back on track now.

Hannah is doing well except in History. She is struggling in there for some reason. But she is going to talk to the teacher and see what needs to be done.

Tammy, you are right. Karen can make anyone laugh. I don't remember the time she made me laugh...but thanks for telling me. I never thought I would LAUGH again. God is good. He is creating a new me. Thanks for noticing and telling me. I love you and love working with you.

Kori...John and I did/and do love Kelsi. She was always so kind and sweet in our classes. What I said is what I meant. She is still very special to me.

Chris and Kristie...I know that what you both say is true. But right now...I feel like I walk a very thin line with him. I do I know that the way he is acting is not out of missing his daddy. If it is, I don't want to be too hard on him. I am so confused about how to handle any of the kids. I am so afraid of hurting them more than they already are.

Tollya...I am sure you read above about the science class. It is so sweet that Bethany noticed. That says something to me. That she really cares about my Rachel. I love Bethany. She is so sweet. Rachel sure has a great group of supporting friends. Thanks for mentioning it.

To all of you...thank you for your prayers, and thoughts. Thanks for continue to read and for the commenting...I cannot live without your comments. I really do take each one to heart.

Pray that God direct me and guide me and raising, teaching and disciplining the kids.

Pray that each one of them will begin to have a desire, I mean a deep desire to know our Saviour, their Saviour.

Pray a hedge of protection, a hedge of angels around each of us as we go to school, to the golf course, where ever we may be. That the enemy will not be able to touch us as we heal.

Pray for Matthew to finish his work from OWU and that they would work with us.

Pray for Jay and Marilyn and Dawn. They are hurting as I am.

I want to be closer, more of what God wants me to be. Pray that as I read his word that I would have wisdom and understanding. That he would give me insight into his word.

I love you all,

PS...Pray for the weather and me. I have never been alone in the icy snowy weather. You may not understand but I am kind of scared. What do I do? Is there anything I am suppose to do to the house to prepare it? Anything outside? Cover anything? I am kind of afraid. And what if I can't get out? Matthew will try and that terrifies me. Just pray for me.


Anonymous said...

Are your outside faucets covered? That's always a great idea in the winter time because you never know when it will suddenly turned icy cold and cause problems with your pipes. Just a suggestion.
So good to read the positive things that are happening; God knows how you feel and understands; He's happy about the good things, too. You are in my prayers daily. Love, Madalyn

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad to hear the positive things as well. :) I pray that positive things keep happening for you and that things just get better and better.

Love you!!

Anonymous said...

Saundra: I am reading and am continuing to pray. I am feeling okay with the ice storm....the tornadoes in my Oklahoma future have me thinking terror.

Glad to read that God is doing what He has promised and you are recognizing His hand in your lives.

Sleep well tonight. I will pray for that. Make a fun memory with your family during the Oklahoma Ice Age.

Becky Beals

PS - keep water dripping in your faucets

Kristie said...

Very happy to hear that Rachel did so well, going back in the classroom. I can "hear" your happiness that she is blessed with such great little friends .... :)

Anonymous said...

Saunie -

Weather proofing 101: Make a habit of listening to the weather forcast. If icy or frigid weather temps are predicted...

1) Put your main vehicle in the garage...if the garage is full (ha!) cover the wind shield with a piece or cardboard and stabilize beats chipping away the ice.

2) Purchase de-icer spray for the other windows of your cars.

3.) Leave your kitchen faucet at a steady drip - and be sure to inform all the kids to keep it that way if they use it - leave a note as a reminder.

4.) Find out where the valve is to shut off the outside water outlets.

5.) Grab a blanket and cuddle with your wonderful children and watch an old movie!!

Thinks to stock up on: Salt for the sidewalks. I buy bags and store them at each entrance to the house in plastic crates/containers to keep the salt dry. I keep a snow shovel at each door. It is (and this important) the BOYS jobs to shovel and salt the sidewalks before they leave for school and when they arrive home if it has snowed during the day).

I hope this helps! I love you!


missd said...

Hi Saundra,
Aurora told me yesterday that she was glad to see Rachel back in two of her classes. I'm glad she is staying up with her courses...
Aurora has had Rachel and the rest of you guys on her heart and in her prayers. She had Mr. Griffis for 2 classes, and for 1st hour, they didn't go back to his classroom but had to put their binders in the Spanish teachers closet.
I always drip my faucets and leave the cabinet doors open by them. Use kitty litter on the porch and sidewalks and under your tires if stuck. I carry some in my car as well as a shovel to get down to the pavement for traction.
You could purchase some icemelt, but ya'll don't need to get out today, everything is closed!! So, we're back in bed~nitey nite:)
Love and prayers, dawna

Anonymous said...

Rachel is such a strong girl! I believe she takes after her mother, just as all of your children do. I was so excited when I read that she was going in to the science room. Harsh weather is always a little scary, but I know that you can handle it! You are such a determined person and I know that you can make it through anything because God is always with you.
Love and Prayers.

Anonymous said...

Saun (sb)

Have a very nice day!