Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Wed Jan 6

Well, its happened. Just like many of you predicted yesterday...I knew would happen.....I'm flooding in my own tears again.

Oh, I know God is sustaining me. He promised me that. I even read it in Psalm 18 again this morning..."He sustains me!" But, I am sad today.

I received some bittersweet news yesterday. Hannah has been nominated for Homecoming Court. It was so hard to be happy. Knowing, as she did also, that her daddy wouldn't be here to see her. This is such a special time for her....and he isn't here. I just can't get past that sadness in my heart for her.

And I know....I know...he would have been on the band wagon on picking out a dress for her. I know it. They were that close. She would wanted him there. They would have laughed and teased each other to no end. He would have made it a time and memory that she would never forget. She is going with her girlfriends tonight to LOOK at them, then she and I (and maybe grams) will go later to buy. She needs two dresses...one for Court and one for the winter thingy that they have. Bless her heart she said she would pay for one by herself. How precious she is.

I am so thrilled for her. At least I am trying to be. I would never let her know that my heart is breaking. We go on...as if nothing is wrong. If I could only do that. If I could only be what John was to her.

Then this morning, I finally finished Isaac's PDA for his yearbook. That has been so hard. I didn't know what to write to/for him. John wrote Matthew's, he wrote Hannah's....you know he was always so good with words. I wanted to write something uplifting for Isaac, something encouraging. I hope that what I ended up with will do that.

All this was just too much for me I guess. Too much hurt. Too much pain. In my quiet time, in my prayer time, I asked God to take this pain away. I asked him to sustain me...I know he will....but it is one of those days....tidal wave day.

In reading your comments....and I love them....I am wondering who you are that keeps starting your comment Saun (SB). Can you tell me?

Also, Jadean, I had to kind of smile when I read your comment. That there would be slips backward. Right when I was in the middle of one. Girl, you call it like it is. Thanks for being faithful in your reading and commenting. Thank you for being honest. And more than anything thank you for your prayers....especially for Matthew.

Rebecca, as I read your comment, I was reminded of some scripture I read in Proverbs yesterday that talked about the young man. And my thoughts did go to Matthew as I thought....someday...maybe God has a special plan for him and he is preparing him. In my devotions this morning it said that He has to sharpen his tools before he can use them. Maybe He is in the middle of sharpening Matthew for His great use. Please continue to pray.

Debbie, again...your prayer....how I love your honesty to God. Through your grief, your troubles, I see that you have truly learned to pray. Thanks for a lovely prayer for Matthew.

I lay Matthew at God's feet. I really have. I do worry about him...he's my son, I'm his mom...that's my job. But it isn't as heavy on me as it used to be. God is in control. God is changing him....I just haven't seen the outward work yet!!!

Isaac is changing! He is easier to get along with. He is sweeter. He hugs me all the time. No yelling, no fighting. Mrs. Benda has helped tremendously with him. God has answered prayer with Isaac. I hope you get a chance to see him. I even believe there is a change in his demeanor and his face.

I got a text from my dear angels last night. Someone has donated the time and paint to repaint my house. That was one reason John was doing the roof himself. To save money so we could do some work on the inside of the house. It has been 12 years since it has been painted inside. Plus we have had some water damage and mold damage. And as you all probably know...I can't sleep in the room that reminds me of (US). Not with some kind of change.

God bless those that hear HIS call. I hope God Blesses you beyond measure.

My prayer request:
Our little white truck is still out of commission. Pray that it can be fixed. We are already having car conflicts.
Matthew, Hannah, Isaac and Rachel, that they will all begin to feel God working in their hearts and desire a personal walk with God.

Matthew...that his heart will soften, that he will want to spend time with the family. That he won't be so angry.

Hannah, that she have fun during this very important time for her. That she can get past the loss of daddy not being there. That I can be what she needs for this time.

Joy, peace, and happiness for me today

Jay and Marilyn, that God will touch their lives. That they will feel HIS great peace and hope.

Dawn, that she too, will find the hope that God is faithful to give.

I love you all.
Saundra

Pray hard for me today....It is tidal wave day....and I am losing it.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

What a wonderful honor for Hannah. May God hold her in the palm of His hand during this time.

Saundra, for this time in Hannah's life try not to dwell too much on what John would have done, but how can YOU now make this special for her. I don't mean to sound harsh, but the John I so remember would want you to be excited for her. You know he's looking down with pride in his heart. I'll pray especially that you can do this.

So pleased for the change in Issac. He's so young and impressionable, but God can work in him too.

How wonderful your angels not only listen to what God ask of them, but they put 'feet to His bidding'. It will be refreshing to have the house painted...you said, 'God bless those that hear HIS call' and I say, 'God bless those that hear his call AND answer that call'.

As I said, Saundra, I don't have profound comments and sometimes I just have to rely on the Lord to work my fingers on this computer, but always know, I pray for you and you family and the entire Griffis family every day.

God will continue to sustain you, sometimes you just need to let the tears fall, wipe them away and continue on in His footsteps.

Jadean Murray

Anonymous said...

Good Morning,
I have not lost someone so close to me as you have, so I do not have wonderful words of comfort or wisdom or experiences to share. I feel kind of strange writing to you since I don't know you personally, but I pray for your entire family everyday. I pray especially today that the Lord will literally pick you up and carry you through this day.

JP

Anonymous said...

Saundra...I haven't commented yet, but I read faithfully, and I feel led today to just say that I'm praying this morning. I love you! Janna Rothwell

Anonymous said...

Just a post note to my original comment.

You said you just finished writing Isaac's PDA (I don't know what that is) for the yearbook. You mentioned John wrote the other kids PDA and 'he was always so good with words'. You seemed to feel inadequate to write Isaac's. Saundra, my dear sweet friend, go back and read your blogs and the unique and wonderful way you've been able to share your pain, sorrow, hurt, anger, etc., with us, your friends. You are a gifted writer that God is using. I'm hoping you are able to print your blogs and the comments for each day...then some day...way down the road you will have a very helpful book for the next young mother that has the misfortune to go through what you are going through yourself right now! You can show how God carried you through, how God sustained you. One day your pain and grief will lessen, I don't believe it ever goes completely away.

I, for one, thank you for taking your time and sharing you heart and life with me (and many many others). You show us explicitly how and what to pray. I thank you for this...it is a gift.

Love once again...Jadean

Anonymous said...

Praying for you...thanks for being honest and opening your heart every day to us. God has you firmly, yet lovingly, in the palm of his hand.

-Mindy S

Anonymous said...

Praying for you Saundra and the kids.
Let the tears flow then put it God's hands and he will make you stronger with each day, it is just going to take time. I know it seems the deep well you are in will never let the light in, but the light of God will come in. God wlll sustain you.
Love you, Pat

Anonymous said...

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
James 1:12

Brad said...

Hello Griffis family - I know you don't really know me, my daughter, Megan George knows Hannah, and we were at Bethany for several years before moving out to Piedmont a couple yrs ago. Megan had Mr. Griffis for math, and just loved it, I knew him only slightly, that's certainly something that I should have worked on - Reading your posts and getting a sense of all of the emotions, it is overwhelming - You have an amazing family, a very strong family and that will be a huge part of what sees you through all of this - Hebrews 11:1 is what keeps me going often, maybe you'll find comfort in that verse and a few that follow - It's the faith verses, and that is something that we just have to have....I know you do, and I do pray for you and your family - God Bless ....
Brad George

Anonymous said...

Saundra,
I am glad you are so willing to stay with God after loosing someone you love so much. I admire you. You are a truly remarkable person and I know it could never ease the pain, but I just thought you should know.
You and your family are always in my prayers, as is I'm sure everyone else's.
Psalm 91 is what got me through, and still does.
Michael Crawford sings "On Eagle's Wings". It's a beautiful song.
I'm sure you can get it on iTunes.
Love and Prayers.

Anonymous said...

Saundra:

You will have to grieve everything at least once. It is not a sign of you not moving forward in your journey. It is just PART of the grief process.

Congratulations on your daughter making court! I believe John WILL watch his daughter on her special day. And he will probably bring a few others around to share the joy with him.


I keep praying - and Matthew is still my prayer-project.

Becky

Anonymous said...

Saundra, I so much enjoyed our time together this morning. :) I can't wait to do it again soon. I love you and I'm praying for you as you know. :)

Love,
Donetta

Anonymous said...

Mrs. Griffis-thank you so much for stopping by the store this morning. Hannah came by with her girls too. We've truly missed her so that was a treat for everyone. It probably sounds silly but I do love you and your family. Still reading this and praying every day. I'm sorry today was a "tidal wave."

Anonymous said...

Saun (sb)

I'm just a person that feels for you and your family. I can't imagine what you and your children have been through.

You have a very strong support group helping you through this. The advice that is given by others is very good and I hope that it not only helps you, but others as well.

Anonymous said...

Saundra,
Janna had told me your blog "address," but I had forgotten in all the busy-ness of Christmas and having Jessica (our youngest) and Mike here from Maryland. Anyhow, Janna told me again how to go to your blog, and I just finished reading your Jan. 6th post. I am very interested to know how you and the kids are doing, so your blog really helps. I haven't been in your shoes, so I can't offer words of wisdom, but I can pray, and I have and I will. I'm sure many others are also. That's one thing that IS sustaining you and the kids right now. God is faithful. Love, Jan Hulsey