Monday, January 4, 2010

Mon Dec 4

Here it is Monday afternoon and I am just now getting on here!

Yesterday (Sunday) was pretty good. We sat in the back with John's family. I just felt safe there. But, I think it is time to move back to OUR place. I have to discuss it with the kids but I think it is time.

I missed my S.S. class sooooo much I had to go back. I just dreaded going back by myself. So, I took Rach and Isaac with me. They always begged John and I to go with us anyway. It was good to be back, but boy was it hard. Where to sit? That was a big one for me. I just felt out of place without him. Nothing to do with anyone or the class, it was just me. But I felt awkward. I will continue to go. I think I will just have to work at accepting what I really don't want to accept....going without John.

Dave did a great job in his lesson. I feel like through this tragedy, God is moving me to a deeper relationship with him. Listen to this devotion:

This is my devotion from Jan 3 from the devotional book "God Calling".

You must be renewed, remade. Christ, Christ, Christ. Everything must rest on Me.

My Spirit shall flower through and My Spirit shall, in flowing through, sweep away all the bitter past.

I told my mother-in-law that as I read this I felt God was calling me to something greater. Something greater in my relationship with him. He is preparing me for it. Most of you probably think I have fallen off my rocker....but these thoughts, and ideas are what makes me have hope. Hope at what God is going to do. The good that God can do out of this tragedy.

Now you may not get the same message from that excerpt that I did. But take what you want. God wants a deeper relationship from all of us.

I pray for my kids everynight. I want them so much, to have a personal life changing relationship with Christ. I want that for each of them. I believe that one day that will happen. But, I must life the sacrificial life in front of them.....that they will know what it is.

School turned out wonderful today. I picked Isaac up for Lunch first and he talked non stop about basketball practice. Then I asked how his classes were going. He said they were just taking tests.

Then I went to get Rach for lunch. She came bouncing out her happy self. She said everything was going well. When I took her back for lunch she was a little afraid about having to go to science class (Johns old room). But I assured her that I had talked to Mr. Broughton and he had already worked it out that she wouldn't have to go to that class. Isn't' God good!

She went home with a friend after school. So, I haven't talked with her about it. But I am anxious to see how it turned out.

Mrs. Benda is working closely with Isaac. We never got along well when it came to homework. That was John's thing. But Mrs. Benda has graciously said that she would help him after school and get his work done...keep him on that he and I could maintain some kind of relationship.

Matthew made it home safely from his camping trip. I still cannot for the life of me see how that could have been any fun. But, whatever!!!!!

God is good. He is showing me everyday as he sustains me that he is working in my life. You know...I talked about how he gave me that scripture in Psalm 3:5....I will lie down and sleep, and awaken, because HE will SUSTAIN me. Well, that is now my "God word". I say it when I become doubtful, sad, etc....SUSTAIN....God will sustain me.

Thank you for all of your comments. I love to read each one. Each one helps me in some way. I love hearing from you.

My prayer requests:
Quiet Spirit
That Matthew will get his OWU work done so that they will release his grades.
That all the financial aid that we need from SNU will come through for him.
That God work in his heart, in his soul and in his mind.
That God would bring a special "buddy" to be a special friend to each of my children.
That God would begin to work in each of their hearts to begin a "good work" in them. My prayer is that each will experience a life changing relationship with God.
Pray for our little white truck. Some of you know it as John's while others know it as Hannah's. Well, they shared it. But the transmission has gone out of it. Please pray that something will work out. With three in the house driving...we need that vehicle. Please pray that God will move people to help in any way they can.



david b mclaughlin said...

On the first of January you commented about how you were committing to turning a page or something similar. I just wanted to let you know that it is evident that you have and God is working in your life. The tine of your posts have changed dramatically. I know there are and will be many struggles ahead but Praise God for what He is doing in you.

We are continuing to pray for you and the kids.


Anonymous said...

Yea!! That's so exciting, Saundra!! I'm so happy that everybody's day (yesterday and today!) seems to have gone fairly well. :) I will keep praying that it does every day!! I know there will still be struggles and hard times but I'm sure it feels great to have things going in the right direction. God is so good!!

Love you!

Kristie said...

I'm so pleased to hear that it appears school went ok for the kids today. I asked Kellen how Rachel seemed to be doing today .... he's such a BOY .... oblivious to everything. :)

Anonymous said...

I so totally agree with David Mc. Your posts have changed. You sound uplifted. I believe that the decision to start the day with God, was an awesome idea.

Of course, you will have many struggles ahead, but I'm still praying, as I know many many more are also.

God bless and keep you under His wings...Jadean Murray

Anonymous said...

Your life is already becoming a testimony to those who would doubt that God could take such a tragedy and use his sufficient grace to carry you and your children through. I'm so encouraged that you are leaning on God as you are. I'm amazed at the strength and growth we are seeing developing in you so quickly. You continue to be in our thoughts and prayers.

Paula A.

Kari Moroz said...

Still praying for you, and thankful that you are seeing God's hand in restoring your heart and your life. There is just so much beauty He has yet to reveal about himself...He is working and will continue to do so. We love you! Big Gracie hugs to you!

Anonymous said...

Saundra, I'm so proud of you!!! I hadn't been able to read your posts for the past few days. I read them tonight and can't stop smiling! You are making such progress! That us so awesome to hear you talking about God sustaining you and how you can hear Him speaking to you through your devotions. You've made some great should think about going back and reading your earlier posts. Yes, you still will have some difficult days ahead. But you are doing good. Just keep reading, praying, and believing. God Will continue to sustain you. And He is using you to encourage others through your posts. Know that you are loved and lifted up in prayer daily.

Anonymous said...

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -- Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

Always hang onto the hope for your future! There is certainly a Future for you, even when it may sometimes feel impossible.

Feel what you feel. Just remember to hope. It's not your job to fulfill any of our expectations. Just keep moving, and keep accepting the healing as it comes to you. At some point, you will look back and be AMAZED at how far your journey has taken you.

Janet Hall :)