Oh....if each of your prayers would only come true I wouldn't feel as I feel now. I am so unhappy.
It was a very hard day. I ran into someone today that told me how hard it was to be a single mother. I was already heavy in heart. But that put me over the edge. Around 11 (my lunch time) I left and went to Jay and Marilyn's (since my house is being painted) no one was there, I let myself in and I cried. I cried...why Lord? I talked to John, told him how I missed him. How much I wanted him there with me.
I went back to work around 1 to finish my day at school. As I was leaving I got a call that set me back days, perhaps weeks, it was from the Lifeshare people. They are the ones that John donated all his organs to. Yes, I agreed, regretfully, but that is what he wanted.
Anyway, they have a letter from the kidney recipient that they want to send me. They had to get permission from me to send it to me. I accepted. She said there may be more that come in from heart, lung.....But anything they write or I write has to go through them. I held myself together to get out of the school, and Marilyn picked us up and took us first to our house to see the paint, then to her house.
She knew something was up. We have learned to read each other like a book. I told her of the the call and she too shed many tears and cried out. It sees so horrible to us.
I told my mom and Sallye, it just seems unfair that a stranger has a part of my loved one....and I have nothing. Nothing. It seems unfair.
I wait for the peace. I wait for the joy. I wait for His presence to overcome. I wait. I feel nothing but pain, hurt, despair. I am hurting friends.
I don't know what tomorrow holds for me tomorrow. I don't know if I want to know.
Matthew starts school. Everything is going well for him. He took Isaac to get a haircut today, then out to the golf course for a while. What a giant step for him. You could tell it made a difference to Isaac too.
Hannah is getting ready for her big night. Homecoming. I feel bad that I just can't get the happy out. It isn't that I'm not happy for her...I am! But, I can't feel it! It just isn't there.
We just need prayer in our home. I need prayer.
Pray that God surround our home, our hearts, our minds, and our souls with his angels. To protect us from the arrows of the enemy.
Continue to pray for the hearts of my children. I want our home to be a home filled with his spirit....where you will find the spirit of God in each of their hearts.
We are getting desperate for our little truck. Now that Matthew is in school.....3 of us going 3 different places....
I have a decision to make this Saturday. Pray for wisdom from above and for me to see it clearly.
I love you all. I loved all of your comments and prayers....please don't stop.