Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Dec 2....Wed

Another day....a hard day. I want to cover my head with a blanket and wish it would all go away. To think of myself without him for the rest of my life seems impossible. I think ahead of all the things we had planned for our future...with and without the kids. It seems like more and more things bring the past with him to my mind. My mind explodes with thought of him....words from him....I just want to hold his hand one more time. Just have him hold me one more time. Just have him back. I just want to shout that....I want him back.

I wish I could sleep my days away...then I wouldn't have to think. I hate mornings, I hate evenings.

Hannah keeps asking why....I can't even answer her. I don't understand why. She sometimes goes into "hiding" and won't talk just sits quietly.

Rachel just comes and hugs me. Isaac will just come and hold onto me.....not wanting to let go.

He did go to bb practice today which I thought was good for him. I am trying to get him to do his work but he just can't focus. Which is so understandable....I can't either!!!! But I have to get them school. Part of it is me....I don't want to be alone...yet I can't face the students yet.

The girls want to paint their room the color of the comforter that a dear, dear, family put in their room recently. I thought I would get the things for that and let them start...on the dresser...etc.hopefully to get their mind on other things.

My heart is heavy all the time. I just want peace.

My prayer requests today would be:

That the kids can concentrate on their work
That we would have peace
That God would just surround us with his angels of peace and contentment
That I would have wisdom to do whatever needs to be done to help my family
That those that are helping me have peace and wisdom.

Thank you again for all of you who have done. Everyone of you who have touched our lives in every way imaginable.

We love you,


Anonymous said...

Your husband was my husbands teacher, golf coach, and eventually colleague. I have never met your family, but my heart truly goes out to you and your family. I can't even fathom the hurt and confusion you and your family are experiencing. I have laid awake many nights thinking about and praying for your family. As I read your blog, I am in awe of how strong you are. I know you must feel like you are falling apart, but your ability to wake up in the morning and get dressed and put your make-up on just confirms that you are a strong woman of God. I know God's grace and mercy is sufficient and will guide you through this most difficult time! I wish there were someway that I could absorb some of your hurt. Please know that my husband Jon and I are praying for your family daily.

Jon and April Arthur

Anonymous said...

I wish I had the words that would take away the hurt you & your kids are going thru. I looked back at the time I lost my girls dad, the time I lost my dad and the time Glen lost his daughter. I feel some of your grief. The only thing that got me thru each one of those losses was strength & wisdom from God, my family, my friends and a good Christian counselor. I knew I had to keep it together for my kids and felt I needed to be strong for them. Many nights I prayed and cried after the girls were in bed. And there was many nights God had to help me fall a sleep. I have asked myself many times why Lord, but in the same breath knowing it was all in God's plan and He never gives us more than we can handle. We thought we'd never make it when my dad dead so unexpectlly. But God gave us the strength and wisdom. Was it easy, no!!! Do we still miss them and wish they were here, of course!! We don't have all the answers but we have a awesome God that does and we can only put our trust in Him to take each day one step at a time. I wish I could remember the book the counselor had me read, it was so very helpful. I am sure your pastor could give you some guidness too Saun. You have many many awesome friends around you that are praying and offering their support to help you and your children. I am praying for you all, too! I don't think there is a day that goes by that I don't think about you and when you come to mind I offer up another prayer for you! God's grace & mercy is sufficient and will guide you through each day! We love you and wish we could do more for you!
Marlan & Glen

Anonymous said...

I read your blog yesterday, at work, and I just started crying!!
It was like I felt what you are going thru!
I think/pray for all of your beautiful family, daily.
In Christ,

Kristie said...

Saundra, just know that I'm thinking of you and the kids today ...

Anonymous said...

I grew up at BFC/BHS and have known your family from a distance. You and your family have been on my mind the last several weeks. On my morning runs I have been praying for you, knowing that you all are probably asleep, albeit a fretful sleep. I'm praying for God's strength to fill you to overflowing and for his peace to encompass you. Know that you are being prayed for often.

Mindy Stevenson

Kari Moroz said...

Saundra, I just want you to know the Moroz family is still praying and thinking of you guys every day! In fact, the Lord brings you to mind constantly. It's so beautiful to see the "G" shirts all over town...I hope that support continues to be strength for you and the kids. There is so much of God's beauty in you, sweet friend, and just know that even in your pain, your honesty in this blog is such a testimony to His faithfulness. I watch and wait for Him to do amazing things with you and your precious family. Please know that you are constantly in our hearts.

live compassionately said...

I don't know you at all but I have been praying for your family. There is a song by Lifehouse that I absolutely love and it came to my mind when I read this post. It is called Broken and the chorus goes:
"I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on
I'm holding on
I'm holding on"

I am praying that the grace and love of Christ will be a comfort to you and that He will show you and your family peace and comfort like no other. Praying for you all
Kristin Moyer

Anonymous said...

We are continuing to pray for you and the kids. I can not imagine what you all are feeling. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you but just know we are praying for you. And again thank you for the specific prayer requests.

Karreen Mathis

Ciindy said...

Saundra, just wanted to let you know you're in my thoughts and prayers. I know that words can't really describe your pain, but thanks for continuing to share with us your feelings. It helps to know what you need. You and the kids are definitely loved.

Anonymous said...

You, O Lord, are a shield around me; You are my Glory, the One who holds my head high. I cried out to the Lord, and He answered me from his holy mountain. I lay down and slept, yet I woke up in safety, for the Lord was watching over me.
Psalm 3:3-5

Wendy Vaughn said...


Just letting you know I am still keeping up with your blog and praying. I wish I had words of comfort but I don't. With such a tragedy as this there are no words that can take away your pain. I wish that I could take the pain away for you but unfortunatly I can't and it's all a part of the grieving process. I can only say that my compassion for you is overwhelming. I can only imagine or maybe I can't imagine the overwhelming feelings you are having to walk thru (and the children) at this time. It is all a process of time and even then it never goes away but does become managable. I ran across this that I am going to leave with you today thru a card.

You'll Never Walk Alone
I said, "The path is steep."
He said, "I'm at your side."
I said, "But I am weak."
He said, "For you I died."
I said, "Dark valleys come."
He said, "I'll guide you through."
I said, "But I'm not brave."
He said, "I'll walk with you."
I said, "Be Light to me,
And Strength as I go on."
He said, "I'm more, I'm Love.
You'll never walk alone."

Sometimes when your in deep grief nothing seems to bring comfort but hope this brings some kind of Life to You. Love You All and keeping your specific prayers lifted up!
Wendy Vaughn

Becky said...

Isaiah 42:16 says:

"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them"

Still praying,

Becky Beals

Debbie Rains said...

Just wanted you to know I will pray specifically for strength for tomorrow. It will be hard to say goodbye to your parents. God will be with you and I believe in you...I'm looking forward to Friday!
Ps. 142:3 When my friend Saundra's spirit grows faint within is you God who knows her way.
Ps. 140:7 O sovereign Lord, Saundra's strong deliverer, who shields her head in the day of battle.
You are loved,

tammy said...

You will never be alone Saundra. I love you!

Anonymous said...

Saundra, the entire Griffis family has been a constant in my prayers. I pray especially for you and your children. I can't know how you must be feeling...I hear your pain and I ask God to help you bear that pain...He will, you know. I've known the Griffis family since they came to Bethany. I watched John and Dawn grow up. I've not left a comment until now, but one thing you said that struck a cord with me...that was...'please don't leave me'. Saundra, I won't leave, although I've moved to Kentucky, you and your family will forever be in my prayers. Your true friends won't leave. You are so blessed to have so many friends there to help in any way you need. Just reach out to them...voice what you need...people really want to feel they are needed, but sometimes don't want to do the wrong thing. I wish I had the ability to say just what you need to hear, but the only thing I can say...I will continue to pray for you until you have reached (and that takes time) a place peace as you've never known. I worked at SNU and Mitch was one of my special Religion guys! I worked at SNU and Mitch was one of my special Religion guys! I remember you, of course, but I knew Mitch better since I worked in the Religion Dept. Your family is special. Again, I pray daily for you and your children. I will especially pray for peace for all of you. Your friend...Jadean Murray

Amy Winn said...

Please know that I pray for you and the kids every day, usually multiple times each day, every time I drive by your house on the way to or from the school. I've just caught up on the blog, and I want to comment on your Dec. 1 entry. I don't have an answer for "why?" either; I don't think there is a reason. Just don't blame God. We live in an imperfect, sinful world, and because we do, life happens, and death happens. To all of us...good, bad, redeemed and sinners alike. And when bad things happen, God grieves and sorrows with us. Remember when Lazarus died, "Jesus wept." I think that 2-word verse says more about God's love for us and His identification with us than almost any other verse in the Bible. Jesus is truly "Emmanuel", God WITH us. Someday, there will be a new heaven and a new earth, with no more death or sorrow. Until then, we just have to trust God to go with us through the pain and sorrow -- and He will. Know that Mark and I, along with all who knew John are praying for you and the kids. If there is anything we can help with, let us know.

Amy Winn

Ross said...

When Phil Moore, my band director in high school and college, lost his daughter Mandy to an asthma attack early in the morning on January 7, 1992, we were witness to the difference God can make in dealing with the loss of a loved one. Though their pain I can't imagine, his faith in God somehow seemed to grow stronger.

One of his favorite songs that he would have us play is "It Is Well With My Soul", penned by hymnist Horatio Spafford in 1873, after several traumatic events in his life, such as the death of his only son, followed by his being financially ruined by the great Chicago Fire, and then the death of all four of his daughters while crossing the Atlantic on a ship.

Here are the words he was inspired to write as he passed near where his daughters had died on his way to meet his grieving wife:

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.


It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.


My sin—oh, the bliss of this glorious thought—
My sin—not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!


For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.


But, Lord, ‘tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh trump of the angel! Oh voice of the Lord!
Blessèd hope, blessèd rest of my soul!


And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
“Even so”—it is well with my soul.


Anonymous said...

"In shady green pastures so rich and so sweet, God leads his dear children along. Where the waters cool flow bathes the weary ones feet, God leads his dear children along.

Some through the waters, some through the floods, some through the fire, but all through the blood. Some through great sorrow,
but God gives a song. In the night season and all the day long."

Saundra, I sang this often many years ago, in the days when I was alone raising two little girls by myself. I just promise you that he will lead you through. I am so sorry for the pain you and your family are experiencing right now.

Paula Anderson

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to pass on some infomation for grief counseling that we used called Calm Waters. Their number is 841-4800. Still praying for you guys.
In His Name,
Chad A. Cochran and Family