Another day....a hard day. I want to cover my head with a blanket and wish it would all go away. To think of myself without him for the rest of my life seems impossible. I think ahead of all the things we had planned for our future...with and without the kids. It seems like more and more things bring the past with him to my mind. My mind explodes with thought of him....words from him....I just want to hold his hand one more time. Just have him hold me one more time. Just have him back. I just want to shout that....I want him back.
I wish I could sleep my days away...then I wouldn't have to think. I hate mornings, I hate evenings.
Hannah keeps asking why....I can't even answer her. I don't understand why. She sometimes goes into "hiding" and won't talk just sits quietly.
Rachel just comes and hugs me. Isaac will just come and hold onto me.....not wanting to let go.
He did go to bb practice today which I thought was good for him. I am trying to get him to do his work but he just can't focus. Which is so understandable....I can't either!!!! But I have to get them there....to school. Part of it is me....I don't want to be alone...yet I can't face the students yet.
The girls want to paint their room the color of the comforter that a dear, dear, family put in their room recently. I thought I would get the things for that and let them start...on the dresser...etc.hopefully to get their mind on other things.
My heart is heavy all the time. I just want peace.
My prayer requests today would be:
That the kids can concentrate on their work
That we would have peace
That God would just surround us with his angels of peace and contentment
That I would have wisdom to do whatever needs to be done to help my family
That those that are helping me have peace and wisdom.
Thank you again for all of you who have done. Everyone of you who have touched our lives in every way imaginable.
We love you,