Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Wed Dec 9

Last night wasn't so good for me. First, Isaac continues to act up. Very rebellious. Very argumentative. But Gramps and I are working on it. Then, I tossed and turned last night. Didn't sleep. It was cold. I used to wrap up around John...he was a natural heating blanket. Rachel slept on the mattress with me last night and she does let me snuggle with her.....but I miss John.

I missed him the moment I woke this morning. We used to wake up at the same time and lay and talk. Then he would take a shower while I made him tea and me coffee. I really did enjoy those times. When he was finished showering he would come out and we would take just a few minutes to chat before he would wake Isaac, and I the girls. It was a routine....I miss our routine . I miss him.

Isaac was really acting up last night and Matthew, feeling like the head of the house now. Became very angry. We were at grams and gramps and gramps took him to Aunt Dawns house for a few minutes. Grams and I had a chance to talk with Matthew. Matthew seemed very angry even before the Isaac incident. Well, we talked about how he needed to share. His words were..."I don't see why it does any good to share." I am so worried about him. Then he said he was so angry at Isaac for the way he acted that he wanted to hit him.

We tried to explain to him that that was how Isaac was grieving. We had to let him grieve in his own way. I told him that it hurt me and worried me that he had these feelings. But he still said it did know good to talk about how he felt.

When we got home there was little change...he went to his room again.

Hannah is back in school pretty much full time with the exception of a few classes.

Rachel and Isaac are still on the shorter schedule. But they are getting caught up. Isaac got a 88 on one of his P Algebra quizzes, Rach got a 100 on her Math test, and Hannah got a 90 on her Trig test. Isaac has a History test that I am so worried about. He needs a good grade on it. With everything going on it was hard to really sit down and study.

I have an appointment with the Social Security today. I am not looking forward to it.

My prayer requests are:
Matthew...that he will have patience and love toward Isaac....that he can even HELP him
Matthew....that he will find a special friend, doctor, someone that he will finally open up to. We reminded him last night that he hasn't even really cried.
Hannah that she gain confidence in herself again
Rach...that she will cont to share her feeling and her tears. That school will continue to go well for her.
Isaac....that he somehow work his feelings out in a way that wont' be so hard on everyone around him. BUT, he work it out.
Me..as I go to the Soc Sec office today. Just let it pass quickly, and go well.
Christmas.......
And Matthew...I feel like maybe he feels like he has to be strong for me.....help him Lord. I don't even know how to pray for him...maybe you will.

Love,
Saundra

BTW...Jadean...I certainly remember you. Thanks for your words.
PS....Whenever I had an urge to cry...for whatever reason....I used to tell John that I had a big tear in my chest that needed to come out....and he would let me lay my head on his shoulder and just cry it out. And you know...as a woman sometimes I couldn't pin point the reason. Well, I have a big tear in my chest.....I am hurting today...pray for me.

10 comments:

Darlene said...

Saundra,

Every morning I think of you and have you on my heart. I look for your specific prayer requests for the day and keep them in mind through the day.

We love you and your children.

Darlene

Anonymous said...

Matthew was on my heart specifically this morning. I pray that he opens up and that things will begin to get worked out with him - and with Isaac.

If you need someone to go to the SS office with you and would like for me to go, let me know - I'd be happy to go do it with you.

Praying every day!
Donetta

Anonymous said...

Saundra, I stopped reading just now and am taking time to pray for that 'big tear in your chest that needs to come out'. I wish there were words to say, actions to take, etc., to help your mind rest, if only for a moment. You have become very special to me and I will continue to pray for you and your precious family.
Jadean

Shirlene said...

your dear dear husband was a gift my our children..my kids were misfits at bethany...angry..troubled..disrespectful..but your dear husband treated my precious kids with love, compassion and respect..our family always loved him for that...our children are fine now..we are praying for you..your blog writing is so healing as well..1 year ago a very close personal friend was murdered...i have been unable to cry..my emotions froze up...while reading your dec. 2 blog i began to cry and cried for 6 hours...God used your writing to help heal my heart...how amazing..with love & prayers...shirlene tarbox

Anonymous said...

I thought of you today, Saundra, as I read this promise: Psalm: 139:5...
"You are all around me - in front- and in back - and have put your hand on me."

I pray that somehow today, through a word, sight, sound, action...you hear His Majesty whisper just to you.."Saundra...I AM HERE".

Anonymous said...

Praying!

Anonymous said...

Saundra,

Praying for you and the kids daily on my morning run through the neighborhood. Thanks for keeping up with the blog so we know how you are doing.

Mindy Stevenson

Anonymous said...

My friend,

Please remember that everyone deals with grief differently and anger is a part of that process. All of your family is at different stages of the process and I am sure that is so difficult. Matthew is such a GREAT young man and I think he just has to figure some things out for himself. Just as Isaac is grieving by his actions, so is Matthew. As always, my thoughts and prayers go out to you. Much Love!!

"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." Psalm 56:8

Anonymous said...

Mrs. Griffis, Isaac, Matthew, Hannah, and Rachel, I love all of you so much, even before this happened. I want to let you know that I cry every day and night still. I can hardly go into the middle school. It hurts me to look at Mr. Griffis's room. I haven't been in there in a while. Mrs. Wetwiska always talks about him and the ''rules of math'' he taught us in sixth grade. It makes me feel empty. I don't know what to think. Mr. Hayes says that we need to play for him. Play and don't get frustrated. He wouldn't want that. Sometimes it helps me to think of my favorite memories of him. Epically with his softball girls. My favorite was when I broke my finger during a game and he knelt down and said "Smalls, I think your finger might have to be amputated." I laughed over my tears and walked back to the dugout. I miss him so much. But I just remember that Heaven isn't far away(: I love you all<33 Morgan Moore

Anonymous said...

Saundra, know that you and your family continue to be in my daily thoughts and prayers. My heart is heavy for you. I pray that God will continue to give you the strength and wisdom that you need. You know the church has a wonderful program "Stephen Ministeries". If you are interested you can contact Lewis McLain. There are several wonderful Christian lay ministers who have been through special training. They are simply there to walk through this journey with you and be a support. I had a Stephen minister when my dad died suddenly. She was a true gift from God! I'm still praying... Cathy