Yesterday was different. There were tears. There were laughs. But God was with us.
We were getting ready to go somewhere and I could tell Isaac was almost in tears. So I called him to me and begged him to share. He finally did. All he could barely get out was, "Daddy and I was having so much fun on the roof when he fell". He was sobbing. As all of us, the kids and I gathered around him I tried to remind him that the enemy was going to try to use those good memories to hurt and haunt us. That we couldn't and wouldn't let him do that.
Then I asked if anyone else had anything to say. Hannah began to cry and said, "If God loves us why did he do this?" I tried to explain to her that God didn't do anything. Nothing bad comes from God. I told her that God does love her. I asked her to look around us and see the ones who have helped us. To look around and see the love that he has sent to us through various ways.
Then we bowed our heads and I prayed that God would heal our minds from the attacks of the enemy. Please pray with me.
I had to shop for Matthew and Hannahs birthday presents yesterday as we are celebrating their birthdays together as a family. I can honestly say there was not a thing I enjoyed about it. I miss John being with me. I hated it.
We had a surprise party for Matthew that Allison and Brock Ring put together last night. I had to cry as I saw all his friends, all his support. There were so many there. I cried as I thought how much he was like his dad...he had so many friends...so many that loved him. He even took it as his dad would...quietly and maybe a little embarrassed. But I want to thank each one that was there and for Mr and Mrs Brock who endured all those kids at their house.
So...today will be hard. We are going to church today for the first since. We won't sit down front as we usually will. We will with John's family....I need that support now. But one day I want to make it down to "our" place again. But it will be so hard to walk through those doors.
Then the birthday party. While it won't be voiced we all know the big hole that will be there. He made their days so special. Please pray the kids will be able to enjoy their day.
Tomorrow I am going to try and get the kids to school for a longer amount of time. I think I can get Rach and Hannah there...but Isaac is the one I worry for.
Also, Isaac hasn't wanted to play bb. I know it is because his number one fan isn't there. But he has voiced that he will go tomorrow night to Lindsay. He has asked if he could wear number 10 as that was johns number. It has been arranged. But please pray for him.
My prayer requests are:
For each of us, in our own way, to hear something in the service that will help us
That the kids will enjoy their party,,,,their time
That school tomorrow will be easy for EACH of them and I will be able to meet their needs
That Isaac will do better than he ever has before, if he gets to play, and be so proud of himself
That Matthew will begin to share, and want to be with us more.
That our devotion time will be a time to share, to learn, and to gain insight to all God has to offer us.
And I still wake with a sick feeling and a panic every morning.
That I can bring myself to shop....
Which reminds me of what Isaac told me yesterday..so precious...like his dad...."Mommy, what do you want for Christmas? I want to use my money to buy you something you really want"? Oh, if he could only give me that. But, I thought how sweet, that like his dad....he didn't want to bother me and use my money...but he was using his.
Pray that Christmas will really be about the Christ for us. That somewhere we can fine the real meaning of Christmas.....and not about the HOLE that is there.
I love each of you. You can't know how you have helped me.