Saturday, December 19, 2009

Sat Dec 19

Eric, thank you for your thoughtfulness. God has used you in so many unexpected ways. Debbie, your offer was so sweet. I will get with you today...somehow. Hearing your voice put a ray of hope in my heart. You just have such a joyful spirit. I pray that God bless you and your families this Christmas.

Yesterday was another hard day for me. I can't place my finger on why it was so hard. It was just full of tears. As Grace put rained all day.

I awoke with a panic. Had to take some med just to calm me. Isaac went to take his first test. I found out later he passed it! An answer to prayer. He also passed his Science which was the one that I just didn't think we would get a "D" on. It was a high C....we are happy.

Since my kids have been in Mrs. Troyers 3rd class we have bought her some kind of snow globe. Well, I had forgotten. So Rach and I ran to Hobby Lobby and picked one up. From there we picked up Jay and went to the Superintendents office for their little Christmas get together they do for the staff. That was so hard. Seeing John's co-workers, knowing that they are missing him also. I know that I didnt stay long. I apologize...I just couldn't. We took the globe to Mrs Troyer, and as usual she loved it, loved Rach and loved me. If you ever need a hug, love or friend...Mrs. Troyer.

We left the Super's office, Jay also, Rach and I headed to the Middle School to pick up Isaac. As we were driving to the school some christian music was playing and Rachel said, "Mommy, I remember a time when Daddy and I were in the car together, and you know that song where it talks about the little girl and daddy, and how they dance....and then the song says that the guy hopes that she will never be too big to dance with her daddy and her wedding?" I said yes. She said,"Well, one time daddy and I were listening to that song and daddy said, "that's a sad song" and I asked "Why" and he said, "Because I hope you and Hannah are never too big to dance with me at your wedding". She said, "I hugged him and said, "Don't worry Daddy, I will never be too old or too big to dance with you at my wedding." We both broke down at that time. I mean she sobbed, for the first time, sobbed. We held each other in the car, in the parking lot. I didn't have words. I just prayed. Then, I told her how I had put out prayer requests for each of them, that God would send someone who could fill that hole that was left. That I knew, and she knows, that no one can fill daddy's place, but someone God knows that will be able to do with you all those things that daddy did with and for her. I told her that he would send someone to be very special to her on her wedding day. I prayed with her that God would close that hole, that He would send someone to be close to, to do those things that she loved to do with daddy. She just couldn't stop crying. It was her time.

Hannah and Matthew are left. I don't believe they have come to that point. I don't see it far away for Hannah. Though she seems to keep herself busy with her friends. Matthew...the way he is handling it is so different. I don't know how it will play out for him. I worry about him. He seems so angry....all the time....its in his eyes, the anger I mean. Its in his words.

Thank you to the very special family that brought gifts to my family on Thursday. I know you had your family Christmas last night. I know what you adults gave up for my family. I hope you were somehow blessed by your giving last night. I hope you enjoyed your Christmas. And thank you for giving so that my family could have. That is so Christlike.

The Middle School took up a collection and got Rach and Isaac mini computers. They were so excited. Thank you to each of you that gave. EACH of you. I wish I could hug each one and let you know how much I appreciate what you have done.

Today....if I can bring myself to do it, I am going to go stocking shopping with Sallye. I just have a hard time with that. But she offered to help last night.....we will see.

Thankfully, I don't have to do grocery shopping today. Since I can go any day next week. But thanks for being there and available Janeane. I know you were waiting. I will take you up on it some other Saturday.

Roger....I can't say enough. I don't know if you are even reading this blog. But you held a very special place in John's heart. I wish you were here so I could tell you how much he thought of you. Thank you for thinking of my kids....of us. Thank you, thank you again.

Also, I had a houseful of God send men that came to do some work in my make it more comfortable for my family. Thank you for giving your time and all that labor. I hope the blessing is returned to you and your families one day.

Prayer requests:
For God to bring that special someone into each of my kids lives
For my children's hearts to heal, mend
That we would find some Christian grief counseling where we could attend TOGETHER
My family as they travel from Illinois and Colorado
Peace, peace, peace
Wisdom for all the decisions I have to make
Strength for
Strength for my kids
A special prayer for Matthew...his anger, his hurt...
Wisdom in how I can help him
Just, pray that God would be there to meet my/our need before we know we need it

Thank you for reading. When you respond, when I see you and you tell me that you have read tells me that you care. And, I need to know that.

I love you,


Kristie said...

Still reading .... still praying ... even on the days when I can't think of anything wise or profound to say (which, quite honestly, is most days!) Just know that I'm thinking of you and the kids .....

Anonymous said...

Mrs. Griffis,
I read your blog everyday. Somehow it helps with everything I do. It helps me remember the way Mr. Griffis did things. He always told us to do the right thing. Somehow he would give me advice even when I did not ask for it. I guess he could just tell. That really meant a lot to me. He was such an inspiring man and an influence in my life.
This summer I went to horse camp. I remember Rachel being there. I remembered how much she enjoyed it. Well, I have my own horse at the horse barn. Anytime if she ever wants to ride then just tell me and she is welcome to come with us!

Anna Cochran

Pat said...

Still caring, reading and praying.

Anonymous said...

Saundra, my thoughts and prayers are constantly with you. There's not much time in the day that you aren't in my mind. We talked last night about how today would be one month since John went home. It seems crazy to think that! I love you and I'm here for anything you need!


Anonymous said...

I want you to know that i have been reading your blogs everday. Honestly, at first i wasnt sure if i could so i put it off for about a week or two but i finally got myself to read them. i started from the beginning and as i was reading i realized that it was helping me to understand everything better and see things in a different way. You and your family have inspired me in so many ways. All of you have impacted not only my life but so many people in this world. Me and Hannah have shared a lot of great memories together and i will always be here for her..i just dont always know what to say or when to say something but I love her so much and lately i havnt been able to control my mind and it keeps flashing memories(good ones!), like the time i went camping with all of you to Lake Murray, or the time we went hiking in the Witchita Mountains, except you had a hurt knee so you couldnt go:(, and so many more. I will never forget how Mr. Griffis would always make fun of me and treated me as if i was his own kid. I loved that feeling. I love having these memories but when these memories slip into my head i cant always control my emotions and i wish for them to go away..but i dont want them to go away forever.. just at that moment. And it's good to cry and just let everything pour out and i hope that Matthew will be able to just really cry and pour out his feelings soon. We can not explain the things God does but we can pray for an understanding and i have been and will keep continuing to pray for you and your family. I love all of you and care about you guys so much. If you ever need anything or anytime Hannah just needs a friend..I will be there. I love you.


Tollya said...


As I'm reading this Rachel is here playing Wii Dodgeball with Bethany, Morgan and Winslow. It is SO good to see/hear her laugh! Our group of 6th grade girls are so close - I pray they stay that way.

I pray for you every day - all day! Please know we're here for anything you need. I love reading your blog posts to know specifically how to pray each day.



Anonymous said...


I am crying as I read your post, especially about Rachel. She is so precious. We are praying everyday for you and my kids never forget to pray for your kids. They don't really know them but they hurt for them. And we are hurting for you so much.

Please keep writing. We are holding your hand; I hope you feel it.

Lisa & Eric

p.s. We are really praying for Matthew.

Becca said...

Mrs. Griffis,

I have been reading your blog for quite some time, but have not yet commented. My heart goes out to your family. I live just a few houses down from you and go to the same church as you, yet I have never met you nor did I ever get to meet John while he was here on this earth and I am very sorry that I was never able to. Every time I read your blog or take my little dog for a walk past your house, I pray for you guys. God Bless.


Anonymous said...

Saundra - Sometimes what seems like blessings to us as parents, add to the anger our children feel. It did (and does sometimes still) with one of my children. I would guess Matthew is struggling that way. Maybe he doesn't view these as blessings but as people "tossing him a crumb" when his life used to be the whole loaf. He will work through it. The Lord will break through. I am praying.


Sina said...

I think you will be that special person to fill the void for your kids.