Well, we made it through another day. And actually felt like it was better. Maybe just keeping myself busy has helped. Not to mention that I see God answering prayers.
I first want to tell Pat that the little poem you said was a blessing. I read it to the kids during devotions last night and each one said how much they loved it.
Jeff....I was so glad to hear from you. It made me somehow feel like John was here.....I can't explain it...it was just good to hear from you. Thanks for the encouragement.
Mikenna, I am not sure who you are. But I know...if you had Mr. Griffis...he did touch your life somehow. He had had that way. Thanks for feeling for Hannah. It is good to know that some kids haven't forgotten. I know with kids...life goes on and they forget to pray.....I appreciate that she is still so close to your heart.
Isaac only got to play for 30 seconds in the game...at the end. He was sad..yes. But we encouraged him that there was probably a time when daddy only played 30 seconds too. I don't always understand coaches reasoning...but that is why they are the coaches and I am the mom! He said he is holding on.....just waiting for his time. I told him that his daddy would have been proud to have him wearing his number in any case. That he was in Heaven with a big smile.
Hannah did better at school. Ms Tackett is helping her so much. And Ms. Kimbro has been an enormous help to her worries about school. I appreciate the teachers so much.
Rachel is doing better as well. She still has trouble going to class. Mrs. Williford explained to each of the classes that Isaac and Rachel want no question, and they want to be treated the same as before. They love the hugs....but being treated differently, pitifully brings back the pain of why they are being treated that way. So, I hope this begins to make a difference for them.
Isaac still has trouble facing the kids. I hope the game last night helped. He still is acting out in unusual ways...but I have a special friend that is a child psychologist on it. She is trying to help him.
Matthew....my answer to prayer. I had time, between the kids classes, to be alone with him. We went to his favorite store. Backwoods. John and him used to go there just to look around. So that's what we did. He dreamed, and tried to show me things that "I needed" to stay warm. We had a good time.
On the way home we had a good talk. I explained more thoroughly how he needs to be a father figure to Isaac. He said that Isaac really is annoying now. I told him that this was his way to mourn for his daddy. That we had to give him patience and understanding. When we got home he asked Isaac to go outside and play BB with him. Then at the game, as John always did, he bought Isaac a red Gatorade, then sat right behind him on the bench. I saw them share looks now and then. I was so proud of him. He even told Isaac on the way home that he was the best player there.
Later they played pocket tanks together...in the living room.....Matthew was out of his room. I see the change....God is working.
During devotions the grieving book we are reading said to share a memorable time or something that our loved one taught us.
Isaac: He remembered the fun that he and daddy had this past summer when they went to the ranger game.
Rachel: remembered a time that she and daddy played bb together
Hannah: remembered a time that John was helping her cross country train...he on his bike she was running beside her. She said her ankles were hurting so they stopped and he said, "You know Hannah, this is kind of like life....some things will really hurt....but to win...we have to keep going....and at the end the pain will be gone. I thought....what a memory....and a lesson.
Matthew said he learned to be patient with those around him.
I shared that I wanted to be like John. Say little, but speak by my actions and attitude.
It was a good cry...but at the same time it was an important part of our healing.
Today I am going to school with the kids again. I am hoping they can go a little longer again. The school and teachers have been wonderful.
That Matthew would continue to heal....that we all would heal a little everyday
That I can somehow go to, be in, etc....those places that were very special to John and I
That somehow....somehow....I can go on
That Matthew will hear good news and a release from OWU
Mr Shadid....I will have to think of that puppy. I think the kids would love it. But we do have a black lab, and a schnoodle, and a cat. I have to consider the cost along with everything else. It isn't out of the question yet. All do is for my kids...if this will help....I will consider it.
Thanks again for reading....for the comments, for all you do and say. I can't and wouldn't want to be without them. I love you all.....
One more prayer request: I am terrified of losing my children..to accidents etc. I'm terrified when Matthew leaves to go somewhere....I am scared when they are out of my sight....pray for me.....I can't lose one of them to anything.