Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Dec 8....Tues

Well, we made it through another day. And actually felt like it was better. Maybe just keeping myself busy has helped. Not to mention that I see God answering prayers.

I first want to tell Pat that the little poem you said was a blessing. I read it to the kids during devotions last night and each one said how much they loved it.

Jeff....I was so glad to hear from you. It made me somehow feel like John was here.....I can't explain it...it was just good to hear from you. Thanks for the encouragement.

Mikenna, I am not sure who you are. But I know...if you had Mr. Griffis...he did touch your life somehow. He had had that way. Thanks for feeling for Hannah. It is good to know that some kids haven't forgotten. I know with kids...life goes on and they forget to pray.....I appreciate that she is still so close to your heart.

Isaac only got to play for 30 seconds in the game...at the end. He was sad..yes. But we encouraged him that there was probably a time when daddy only played 30 seconds too. I don't always understand coaches reasoning...but that is why they are the coaches and I am the mom! He said he is holding on.....just waiting for his time. I told him that his daddy would have been proud to have him wearing his number in any case. That he was in Heaven with a big smile.

Hannah did better at school. Ms Tackett is helping her so much. And Ms. Kimbro has been an enormous help to her worries about school. I appreciate the teachers so much.

Rachel is doing better as well. She still has trouble going to class. Mrs. Williford explained to each of the classes that Isaac and Rachel want no question, and they want to be treated the same as before. They love the hugs....but being treated differently, pitifully brings back the pain of why they are being treated that way. So, I hope this begins to make a difference for them.

Isaac still has trouble facing the kids. I hope the game last night helped. He still is acting out in unusual ways...but I have a special friend that is a child psychologist on it. She is trying to help him.

Matthew....my answer to prayer. I had time, between the kids classes, to be alone with him. We went to his favorite store. Backwoods. John and him used to go there just to look around. So that's what we did. He dreamed, and tried to show me things that "I needed" to stay warm. We had a good time.

On the way home we had a good talk. I explained more thoroughly how he needs to be a father figure to Isaac. He said that Isaac really is annoying now. I told him that this was his way to mourn for his daddy. That we had to give him patience and understanding. When we got home he asked Isaac to go outside and play BB with him. Then at the game, as John always did, he bought Isaac a red Gatorade, then sat right behind him on the bench. I saw them share looks now and then. I was so proud of him. He even told Isaac on the way home that he was the best player there.

Later they played pocket tanks together...in the living room.....Matthew was out of his room. I see the change....God is working.

During devotions the grieving book we are reading said to share a memorable time or something that our loved one taught us.

Isaac: He remembered the fun that he and daddy had this past summer when they went to the ranger game.

Rachel: remembered a time that she and daddy played bb together

Hannah: remembered a time that John was helping her cross country train...he on his bike she was running beside her. She said her ankles were hurting so they stopped and he said, "You know Hannah, this is kind of like life....some things will really hurt....but to win...we have to keep going....and at the end the pain will be gone. I thought....what a memory....and a lesson.

Matthew said he learned to be patient with those around him.

I shared that I wanted to be like John. Say little, but speak by my actions and attitude.

It was a good cry...but at the same time it was an important part of our healing.

Today I am going to school with the kids again. I am hoping they can go a little longer again. The school and teachers have been wonderful.

Prayer requests:
That Matthew would continue to heal....that we all would heal a little everyday
That I can somehow go to, be in, etc....those places that were very special to John and I
That somehow....somehow....I can go on
That Matthew will hear good news and a release from OWU

Mr Shadid....I will have to think of that puppy. I think the kids would love it. But we do have a black lab, and a schnoodle, and a cat. I have to consider the cost along with everything else. It isn't out of the question yet. All do is for my kids...if this will help....I will consider it.

Thanks again for reading....for the comments, for all you do and say. I can't and wouldn't want to be without them. I love you all.....


One more prayer request: I am terrified of losing my children..to accidents etc. I'm terrified when Matthew leaves to go somewhere....I am scared when they are out of my sight....pray for me.....I can't lose one of them to anything.


Anonymous said...

A simple thing that has helped me after a significant loss, is to help others. I know that John was a generous person, and you are as well, I know the strength it takes to get through a loss, but I encourage you as a family to find a way to bless others in this time, it helps to pass along what I know we all see from your family. I am encouraged daily from your posts, whatever you do, keep the posts you write and the comments in a folder. Someday all of this may be helpful to someone else, or yourself....time is not an enemy, but a helpmate....I see a wonderful family learning and growing together, emotionally and spritually... Jeff

flamingoluvinmom said...


I wanted to tell you I pray for you and your family everyday when I drive by taking kids to school. You are a very strong woman and mother! When you are having a hard moment, just remember someone,somewhere is praying for your strength!....Christie Sipes

Anonymous said...

Below is a link to a song. It's called "He Knows My Name" sung by Israel Houghton. You may have heard it. I read your posts daily and lately as I have read, I have thought about this song and just prayed that God would continue to show you how much he loves your family...that he hasnt forgotten you and that he sees every tear that falls. My prayers are with you and your family! ~April


Anonymous said...

Saundra, I am so glad that the poem helped you and the kids as it has helped me. I have prayed that God show me a way to help you, the poem comes from him. Love you all.

Anonymous said...

My name is Carol. About three years ago, I read a comment on one of those boxes you get with inspirational sayings on them. It said "When you do what you can, God will do the rest." Two years ago Jan 4 my daughter had a car accident. Her life as she knew it changed forever. Nothing is the same for her, she was headed D1 in softball, now she is wheelchair bound. I say this to you not as a "story" to compare, but as a testimony to what God can do in your life. I still have that comment on my mirror, and it is funny how God sent it even before I needed it.

God is working in your children's life. What you have been through is unimaginable to me, but I truely admire that you are strong in ensuring that the memory and spirit of your husband says as a living presence in your home.

As I am learning how to deal with seeing my daughters life change, I know that we are truely blessed. And I would have taken her place if given the chance. Your husband will be with you every step of the way this Christmas, around every corner, under every nook, so draw your strength from his presence.

When you have a rough moment, or your children see adversity -- cast the devil out in the name of our Lord. I tell that ol' devil that he forgets that Jaque had a 2.42 k per inning average, and that her bleachers are full. That he is alone, and everyone is on her team. I know that your beachers are full as well.

Bless you and give you strength today. I pray Jer 30:17 for you and your children. Amen.

Anonymous said...


Your post brought tears to my eyes. Praise God for answered prayer about Matthew and the way that he really stepped up with Isaac. Eric and I have been praying specifically for him, that he would have strength and wisdom. We are so very proud of you Saundra. You are guiding your family through such a hard, hard thing and doing it with so much grace. I know you don't feel strong but God is with you.

Baby steps...we are still praying...you can do this!


Lisa & Eric

Sister Chris said...

Thinking about you moment by moment, and for Matthew, Hannah, Rachel, Isaac.

Anonymous said...

Praying for you and each of the kids, that you feel God's presence around you all.

Kristie said...

Saundra, I am so happy to read the optimistic report today .... I know that things are still difficult for you and the kids, but I am encouraged by the steps each of you is taking to help one another through this. I will continue to pray for peace for all of you, and for the upcoming holiday season to be bearable.

And although I'm no psychologist, I imagine you fear about the kids is perfectly normal. In fact, it would probably seem more unusual if you didn't have that fear. Just know we'll all do our best to pray you through that, too.

Anonymous said...

Saundra -
Stopping in to say goodnight. I was awake at 2 a.m. praying for you. And up again at 3:30 a.m. I am especially burdened for your oldest son and have been praying particularly for him.

Matthew -
The Lord will restore to you the years the locusts have eaten. Never be afraid (especially because you are young) to do what God has put on your heart. The Holy Spirit presses in on us for a reason, and when we discover the reason we find a piece of our miracle!

Anonymous said...

Saundra, this cheers my heart to read this tonight! Tuesdays are my crazy day so I didn't get to read what you wrote today until just now but I'm so happy that yesterday was a little better for everyone. I'm so glad God is working through things for you and the kids. I'm still praying and I'm still here for you when you need me!

Love you!

Anonymous said...

Saundra, I'm not sure if you remember me or not. I worked at SNU during the '70's, '80's and early '90's. I knew Mitch well as I worked in the Rel Dept my last 11yrs at SNU. I knew John well also. Bethany was my home for 62 yrs, but I've since moved to Kentucky to be close to my children and grandchildren, but I also keep very close ties to the Bethany community. You are truly blessed with family and friends, but I do know they can't take John's place. I read your blog every day and pray that with each day comes an inkling of healing. I've never walked your path, so I can't say I know how you feel. I can, however, pray for the needs you list at the end of your notes. That helps to know how to pray. So please know that prayer is going up for you daily in Kentucky by myself and my family.

I'm an avid Gaither fan. This was my post on Friday, Nov 19th, "John Griffis heard God's 'Midnight Cry"...John's call came suddenly and he was ready...would you be ready?"

I've listed the link below if you'd like to hear the song.

Ivan Parker "Midnight Cry"

You may have to type it in.

Jadean Murray

Kari Moroz said...

We love you, Saundra! There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of you and ask God to just hold you and the children. You are such a blessing to us who read your honesty in this blog. You are such an encouragement. I see God working in your family in such huge ways, and He will continue to do so. So have NO FEAR of the future, God is taking care of you. I see His love and mercy every time I read your blog. Hugs! We will not stop praying for you!

Anonymous said...

I have been praying relentlessly for Matthew. So glad to hear that those prayers are being answered! And I will not stop praying for all of you. You're always in my thoughts.