As i write this i am listening to the song by Rich Mullins, "Hold Me Jesus" cuz I'm shaking like a leaf. That is how I feel today. Hold me Jesus.
April....my fridge is fixed thanks to your loving father. And I would never be offended over something that was meant only for good. Thank you for sharing the dream. Someone once told me that God does use dreams when we really need them. I needed that. Thank you again.
Donetta, I have heard that song. You are right. It is for me. I was also listening to songs from Point of Grace this morning. They are all so good. Those "old" songs as I would call them.
If you have any of the old cd's that you don't use anymore...I would love to have them. I don't have fancy equipment, just a cd player....I am happy with that. But I so want to surround myself with his words of music. I always just listened to KLOVE. But I now know there is so much more out there.
Donetta, remember when we went to that concert at the church...who was that group....that I loved? I can't remember.
Yesterday was lonely. It seemed that all the kids had their own thing to do. I didn't. Cuz the one I did things with is gone. It was just Rach and me. We decided to go go Walmart and return some things. As I was walking to the car, I thought, "Well, this is the way it is going to be from here on out...just me and Rach." Not that I don't love her, or being with her. She is my sweet loving Rachel....but it was so different...I was so lost....so lonely...... I can't even explain how I felt. It just wasn't right.
Today I am venturing out. I'm scared. I am going to coffee with Sandy, Karalee and Sallye. I'm scared. I don't know why. I have a sick feeling in my stomach. I am afraid to leave the kids alone. Remember where I was when this all began. I still can't go to Panera....we are going to IHOP. But I don't want to....I don't want to. I know I have to if I am going to move on. But I am so afraid. Every time that phone rings I will be so afraid. I can't stand the thought.
Today the kids are going tubing with their cousins. I am sure it will be the same thing for me. Until I see them walk through the door.
I think I am going through some stage of grief. I just can't believe he is gone. That was my last thought before I went to bed last night and the first when I woke. I can't believe he is gone.
Contentment for me where God has placed me
Wisdom...especially financial...I am so afraid
Wisdom with the kids
Freedom from fear
That God would cont to work in Matthew's heart, soul, and mind. (I do see a change)
Protection for my children
Hannah running in the 5k. I know it starts at the Route 66 park by Lake Overholser. I haven't got the time yet.
An angel for my children to fill the void that is left.
Isaac, that he will somehow get past having John as his buddy and will accept the one God sends in his stead....as another buddy
A hedge of Angel around my house, around me, around each of my children
Jay, Marilyn and Dawn....as they too, come to terms with all that has happened.
Thank you for reading, for you care, concern, prayers...and OH so much more. You are God send...everyone of you.