Friday, December 4, 2009

Fri Dec 3

Sorry I didn't blog yesterday. It was a very busy day....and at the end of the day I didn't have it in me.

Mom and dad left yesterday. It was heart wrenching for all of us. I know it was just as hard for me to say good bye as it was for them. Sallye and Jeff Siems were here with my in laws to help me through it. It was good, because I had the opportunity to really cry. Which I'm not sure I have really done yet. But it was a good cry.

The school is being so good to us. I went with Hannah to her 6th hour (they don't want to go alone) and sat in there with her. She did get some work done. I had to go to 7th hour with Isaac and Rach, so Jay came and stayed with Hannah after class so that Ms. Tackett could work with her. She feels somewhat better about it now.

Isaac and Rachel got Math help from Mrs. Benda and Mrs. White. That really helped. They all hated to go to school. I asked them specifically why and they each answered that they didn't want to see the other kids. So, we are trying to work them into it slowly.

Last night we went and picked out a tree. Rachel and Hannah and I had our moment of tears. That was one of John's favorite things. He really made it fun for us. But, we do have a tree, sitting in water until we are ready to bring it in.

I had a calm (the first in the evening) as I lay my head down last night. I told someone that I want to shout from the mountain top, "This is not me! This is GOD carrying me!!!" I know I could never do this on my own. I know he is with me. I don't know how I will do it. But he is carrying me....and the kids.

My mornings are the hardest. I guess as I am trying to wake up I lay there and think. Then my mind wonders to places the enemy would love for me to stay. So I am trying to quote scripture. I just hate mornings.

I took Rach and Isaac to a few hours of tutoring this morning....Hannah went to one hour. Then at 1:00 I am taking Hannah back to Trig, and at 2:10 Rach and Isaac back for more tutoring.

The house seems so lonely. John used to like to have Christmas music playing a lot...I can't. I still want Christmas to go away. How do you enjoy Christmas when the one you love, that loved Christmas so much isn't here to enjoy it with you? You know what he used to say, "I love Christmas because it is all about the kids. I love to make them smile on Christmas morning." Oh, how I miss those words.

We had our own tradition on Christmas eve. I don't know how I will do it. We would check to make sure all the gifts were ready,, that Santa had indeed come, he would take a bite of the cookies that we had made as a family (another tradition), drink the milk, then we would sit and stuff the stocking together watching his favorite Christmas movie: A White Christmas. It's all gone....it will never happen again. I can't deal with that.

My prayer requests today are:
Peace...for all of us
I need Matthew to open up. He seems to hide in his room all day....I miss him too. I need him.
Wisdom in dealing with the questions that the kids have.
Quiet and sound mind for me
Happiness for my children
That OWU (Matthew's Old College) would find mercy on Matthew and make it easy for him to make the transition to SNU.

I feel badly that I have not sent thank yous out. I have been terrible about that. I will get them out. But, please know that I am so appreciative for ALL that you have all done for the children and myself. I consider each of you an angel from God. I am blessed by you. Please please know....thank you so much.

8 comments:

david b mclaughlin said...

Still praying for you daily. Please let sending thank yous out be the last thing on your mind!

dm

Anonymous said...

Hi Saundra,

So good to read words from you. You and the kids are always in our hearts...
Prayers are continuous and never ceasing! In Galations 4 it talks about the fullness of time and @ the "perfect" time God sent his Son to be born. So many things had to be in place socially, politically,etc. for Jesus birth to happen.

As I think about your prayer requests, I am reminded that your faith right now will bring answers, @ the right time, in the FULLNESS OF HIS TIME. There is an old song that starts out, "In his time, in his time. He makes all things beautiful in his time. Lord please show me everyday, as you're teaching me your way, that you do just what you say In Your Time.

I would love to share a cup of coffee with you some morning after I drop mason off. Possibly...also, Mason would love to see you and "hang" with Isaac. He asks about him often.

We love you much! Phylis, Grace and Mason

Donetta said...

I think of you all the time and pray for you constantly. My heart just aches for you. This is such a hard thing to go through at any time but I know it's so much harder during the holiday season.

I came by to see you yesterday. I missed you though. I will get by again really soon. Call or e-mail if you need a friend to come by and I'll be there. :)

Love you!

Anonymous said...

Set aside the guilt of the thank you cards. Those that gave, did so because they wanted to do something to ease your burden.

Still praying.

Becky

Summer said...

It has been so good to see you and your precious children these past few days! Prayers continue, Saundra! We love you all and will do anything to help! Again, so good to see you!

Summer

Anonymous said...

Saundra, I hope you can find comfort in the words of this song:

I’ve stood on the bank of a wide raging river
Trusting that I’d get across
I’ve made my way through some valleys and deserts
Beleiving that I’d never get lost
I’ve been at the foot of what felt like Mt Everest
Knowing I’d have the strength for the climb
Cause through every trail, each test and temptation
One thing is sure every time

If you ask me why I have no hesitation
God does what He says He will do
I’d simply say every battle has taught me
There’s nothing He won’t help me through
So why should I dwell on the hardships and struggles
When I look just beyond them I see
The way this will end is with great celebration
Deep in my heart I believe


Chorus
Over and over again and again
God is faithful
Over and over, again and again
Through it all He’s made me able
To stand and survive
To come through alive
When it sure looked like I couldn’t win
Jesus is with me
So I claim the victory
Over and over again

Jadean Murray

Wendy Vaughn said...

Saundra,

Thank You for your update. Please, don't fret about those Thank You Notes, that's the last of your worries. If you never get them out it is OK! I don't think anyone cares or expects it. All that has been done has no return expection. I am continuing to lift up your specific prayer request and know that you and the kids are Loved and Cared about Very Much. Keep unloading your feelings and hearts concerns, that is very, very healthy for you at this time.

Wendy Vaughn

Brad said...

Saundra,
Recently Trinda and I were going through a tough situation,(nothing like this though), and I heard a message by Andy Stanley that has really helped me.
He was talking about the deciples, and said, If you would have asked them at what point in Jesus ministry and the time you were with him did you ever feel like you were let down. He said they would have probably said yes it was during the last supper and the time leading up to when he was crucified. We believed him to be the Massiah, he was to come and save us, He was going to come and conquer the world. Now he is talking about being killed. We felt like we just waisted three years of our lives. This guy isn't who we thought he was.
But if you asked them when was God working the hardest in there lives and doing the most in their lives, was it when he healed the blind man, or was it when he sent all those demons into the pigs, or was it when he raised Lasarus from the dead, that must have been very cool.
They would probably said no, it was in the same time that in that upper room he was working the most in our lives. He was prepairing us for what he had for us to do for him.
Saundra I can't even imagine what you are going through, but God is working something even bigger in you through all this.
We are praying for you guys constantly. Brad and Trinda Segard