I cringe as I write that. What a celebration John would make for each of there birthdays on the morning of it.
We did have a good day celebrating their birthday. It was hard though. Something many of you probably didn't know was that John was a cake decorator. And for each child he would decorate their cake to be whatever they were into at that time. One time Matthew was into Scout trucks. And his friend Mark Hance...Jeeps. John decorated the cake to make it look like his Scout was pulling Marks Jeep out of the mud. It was something. He was perfect at it. We always looked forward to that...even the kids. That wasn't there yesterday....I know the kids missed it.
I forgot my bro-in-laws birthday....I apologized to him and he hugged me and said, "You know..it is okay because any money you would have spent on me I would want you to spend on the kids." I had to cry at that.....it sounded to much like my loving John. Always giving....never taking.
Church was awesome yesterday. Oh, it was hard. But the message was so good. We even re quoted the 3 main points about prayer last night in our devotions. Debbie B. I want to thank you for helping me to know how to get the comments to print. I printed some verses and some prayers that many if you said and shared them with the kids during devotions last night. I talked to the kids about how John never said much, but his life, the way he lived was what people remember about him. When he was given the option of right or wrong he always chose the right no matter the consequences. I told them that he lived as Jesus wanted him to live and that has to be our goal....to live as Jesus lived.....so we can touch lives as their daddy did.
We went to Target as a family last night. I asked them to just look around for things they may want for Christmas. We were all so quiet I noticed. Matthew didn't even make a list (which I had asked him to do). They wanted me to make a list...I couldn't. Donetta, Teresa and I talked and we are going to get together. Maybe for shopping. I don't know. I just can't find myself doing it without John. I just can't. I miss him so much.
We haven't heard from OWU (where Matthew was attending school....now will be SNU) but they have not told him how he is to finish out the year. We need to know. I am praying...and ask you that they just let him take the grade he has and that is it. I know he doesn't want to have to go up there....and he has been gone so long I'm not sure taking a test would be worth it. Please pray for that.
Pray for the kids today. We are going to try to attend for a few more hours. I will be with them.
Pray for my Isaac. He is having a hard time with this. He is handling it in a different way. Acting out in some different ways. Ways that at time I cry because it is just too much. He is just wild to say the lease. Running around the house...jumping on furniture...picking on other kids, being disrespectful.....pray that God quiet him.
Pray for Matthew. That he open up. That he will come out and spend some time with us.
Pray for all of them as they deal with this. That God will come to where they are...and to what they need.
Pray for Christmas. Just pray. I don't know how I can do it....even to fake it.... I don't know how......please pray.
I saw that Panera Bread was having fund raising night Thursday....I will try to be there...pray that God will give me strength.......
When people as what I we need...PRAYER. That's all...just pray.
OH! Isaac will be going to his game tonight. It is in Lindsay. Please pray that he does well so he can feel good about himself. And that he will forget that his number one fan is not watching from he stands. Pray that that leaves his mind as he plays and that he just have fun. BE WATCHING NUMBER 10! Coach Brown said he could have his daddy's high school number.
Thanks for reading. I love reading your comments...it makes a difference..never think it doesn't.
Every word, every deed....never goes ungrateful. I love you all....all.