Monday, December 7, 2009

Mon. Dec 7....Matthew's Birthday

I cringe as I write that. What a celebration John would make for each of there birthdays on the morning of it.

We did have a good day celebrating their birthday. It was hard though. Something many of you probably didn't know was that John was a cake decorator. And for each child he would decorate their cake to be whatever they were into at that time. One time Matthew was into Scout trucks. And his friend Mark Hance...Jeeps. John decorated the cake to make it look like his Scout was pulling Marks Jeep out of the mud. It was something. He was perfect at it. We always looked forward to that...even the kids. That wasn't there yesterday....I know the kids missed it.

I forgot my bro-in-laws birthday....I apologized to him and he hugged me and said, "You is okay because any money you would have spent on me I would want you to spend on the kids." I had to cry at sounded to much like my loving John. Always giving....never taking.

Church was awesome yesterday. Oh, it was hard. But the message was so good. We even re quoted the 3 main points about prayer last night in our devotions. Debbie B. I want to thank you for helping me to know how to get the comments to print. I printed some verses and some prayers that many if you said and shared them with the kids during devotions last night. I talked to the kids about how John never said much, but his life, the way he lived was what people remember about him. When he was given the option of right or wrong he always chose the right no matter the consequences. I told them that he lived as Jesus wanted him to live and that has to be our live as Jesus we can touch lives as their daddy did.

We went to Target as a family last night. I asked them to just look around for things they may want for Christmas. We were all so quiet I noticed. Matthew didn't even make a list (which I had asked him to do). They wanted me to make a list...I couldn't. Donetta, Teresa and I talked and we are going to get together. Maybe for shopping. I don't know. I just can't find myself doing it without John. I just can't. I miss him so much.

Prayer request:
We haven't heard from OWU (where Matthew was attending will be SNU) but they have not told him how he is to finish out the year. We need to know. I am praying...and ask you that they just let him take the grade he has and that is it. I know he doesn't want to have to go up there....and he has been gone so long I'm not sure taking a test would be worth it. Please pray for that.

Pray for the kids today. We are going to try to attend for a few more hours. I will be with them.

Pray for my Isaac. He is having a hard time with this. He is handling it in a different way. Acting out in some different ways. Ways that at time I cry because it is just too much. He is just wild to say the lease. Running around the house...jumping on furniture...picking on other kids, being disrespectful.....pray that God quiet him.

Pray for Matthew. That he open up. That he will come out and spend some time with us.

Pray for all of them as they deal with this. That God will come to where they are...and to what they need.

Pray for Christmas. Just pray. I don't know how I can do it....even to fake it.... I don't know how......please pray.

I saw that Panera Bread was having fund raising night Thursday....I will try to be there...pray that God will give me strength.......

When people as what I we need...PRAYER. That's all...just pray.

OH! Isaac will be going to his game tonight. It is in Lindsay. Please pray that he does well so he can feel good about himself. And that he will forget that his number one fan is not watching from he stands. Pray that that leaves his mind as he plays and that he just have fun. BE WATCHING NUMBER 10! Coach Brown said he could have his daddy's high school number.

Thanks for reading. I love reading your makes a difference..never think it doesn't.
Every word, every deed....never goes ungrateful. I love you all....all.



Anonymous said...

I wish I had some wonderful words of wisdom for you - but please know that we are always praying for you and the kids.

It will be great to see Issac at the game tonight. I know the boys will love having him there. They are at an age where, I know, none of them will know what to say to him but they all love him & will love seeing him.

Love & Prayers

Anonymous said...

I would love for you and Teresa and me to go shopping! Just call me or e-mail me and let me know when. I'm still praying, as always. Thanks for continuing to write so we know how you're doing and what's going on. I'd love to be there with you every day just to talk about things but since I can't this is good. :)

Love you friend!

Burns Family said...


Me and my family are praying daily for strength and comfort for you and the kids. As part of our evening routine the children pray for you and the kids every night. I too lost my father unexpectedly when I was young. My reactions seemed to be similar to Matthews, shock and isolation. He sounds like a strong boy, he just needs time. When I was struggling with the loss of my father, someone told me that the Bible mentions that a thousand years on earth is like a day in heaven. And said, that to him he is just getting there and turning around and seeing the rest of us come home. That gave me comfort. My heart aches for you and the kids and wish that there was something that could be said to answer the questions of "why". Only God knows that. Blake told me that he saw Isaac in the commons the other day and he wanted to go over to talk to him, but he knew he was upset. He told that he wanted to cry. I told him to just pray for him and put him individually in your prayers. So, he does. We will continue to post on your blog to let you know that you and the kids are on our minds and in our prayers. If there is anything at all that we can do for you, please let us know.

In our Prayers,

Anonymous said...

I've known Phil Brown for 40 years+.... Isaac can be assured if he has issues at the Game Phil will know what to say. But I know the old number 10 is still watching!! I can remember when John played, he wasn't the biggest but he had a lot of heart, I am sure Isaac will do that number proud!! Jeff

Anonymous said...

I continue you and your precious family in prayer. I read your post and pray for each thing you are asking us to pray for.
I keep this on my refrigerator and read it daily since losing my husband, I hope it will help you too.
Whatever your cross
Whatever your pain
There will always be sunshine
After the rain
Perhaps you may stumble
Perhaps even fall
But God's always there
To help you through it all.
Love, Pat

Anonymous said...


I have been hesitating to leave a comment because I just don't know what to say. But I just wanted you to know how much John meant to my kids as their teacher. My oldest HATES math! She absolutely hates it. But John, with his jokes and just general attitude made that her funnest class ever. She had him first hour several years ago and he made her year! Adjusting to middle school was hard but he made it easier. My middle daughter also had the blessing of having him and she quoted him so often I feel like I could hear his voice! Every joke he told, every funny, entertaining thing he did she reported to us. He made such a difference in their lives. I just wanted you to know that.
I can't possibly say anything that will help you but you and your kids are on my mind constantly and we pray for you daily. When I read your blog my heart just hurts for all of you. Please know that our prayers will continue. Each of you are precious to the Lord and He is holding you in the shelter of his wings.

Love and Prayers,
Kori Bussert

david b mclaughlin said...

Looking forward to the game tonight. Go #10! Go Bronchos!

Sister Chris said...

"We have this moment to hold in our hands and to touch as it slips through our fingers like sand. Yesterday's gone and tomorrow may never come, but we have this moment today" -Gaither song

All you have to do today is moment by moment. Try to find a joy, a peace, and a hope in each of them.

Anonymous said...

Saundra- We are looking forward to Matthew being at SNU. Please let me know if there is ANYTHING I can do to assist in the process. Erin
717-6272 (office)

Anonymous said...

In reading your daily comments my heart aches for all of you and at the same time praising the Lord for giving you strength, wisdom & most of all comfort! It may not always seems that way at the time, but I can hear it in your words. You are so right, the devil is right on our shoulders when we are hurting the most. Don't let him win. Whenever you miss John or daddy the most, when it hurts, always try to remember the good memories and how he would want you to be. John was a awesome Godly man and you can see that thru all those he touched around you! Hold onto that and God's grace for each moment of each day! We are always praying. Keep trusting & holding on to God and those people He has put in your life. Love you all!

Anonymous said...


I read you blog daily to check in on you and know how to pray for you. I try to put myself in your shoes. What would I do? What would I say? I can't even fathom it! I only hope I would have your courage and strength for my family. You have blessed me with your words. Every day continue to cast your cares on Him. Continue to let HIM be your source of strength. And just a suggestion....give Matthew time. When my parents died, my son had a very hard time being around me as he hurt seeing me hurt. He struggled seeing me cry or grieve. It was painful for him. Just continue to be there for him as you have been. He knows you love him and you're there for him. I hope Isaac does well tonight! Looking forward to seeing #10 on the court when they have a home game! :)

Wendy Vaughn said...


Haven't been on for a couple of days. Just wanted you to know that you and the kids are still in our daily prayers. We Love that your blogging, it keeps us from wondering how your doing,what's going on and how to continue to pray. It is also GOOD for you.

I can see the Lord working as everyone seems to be moving forward a little at a time. How slow or fast really isn't the point it's the fact that they are moving forward. The steps may seem small but steps are being taken. And really these steps are huge considering it hasn't been that long. Of course some days will be better than others but that is to be expected.

You may already know this but I feel like I need to say it. Every grieving stage you and the kids are going thru is normal and its OK!

It is such a Blessing to see How God is Working thru you to be encouragement and strength for the kids. We can all see this out here and its exciting to watch him work in such a way.

Remember to just take it one day at a time and sometimes it could be one second at a time.

As for Matthew and his Birthday, I can really feel the emotions you are going thru because Mon. Dec 7, is Lora's Birthday to, so I could truly put myself in your shoes. It is truly heart wrenching. Praying in a special way for Matthew.

We Love You All and Prayers Continue.

Wendy and Lora Vaughn

Anonymous said...

Love to you and your sweet children. I am praying for you everyday. You are loved!
Annie Duggan

Anonymous said...

my heart breaks everytime i read your blogs. tho i do not know your kids personally, i knew mr griffis very well and i reach out to you guys with anything i can give. i love you and your family. you guys have touched me, my family, and my friends. i dont try to understand why things happen the way they do, i just know that it was for a reason... i see hannah at school and try not to cry, i just couldnt help it today, i broke down... (i dont think she saw) i look up to you guys with all that i have. god loves you, all of you, and feels your pain. i am praying for you and your kids... all the time.

Anonymous said...

Dear Saundra,
Stopping by to say good night. Prayers for rest, hope and healing.

Anonymous said...

Praying for you and your family tonight. May God give you peace and rest tonight.

Jenhomemom said...


You don't know me very well but my Ally & Issac are in the same grade and Hannah & Kyle run Cross Country together. I work at Lifeway Christian Store and I would like to let you know anytime you want to come in and look at any book, devotion, or study that might help all of you in your grief, I will be more than happy to help you find what would be right for you & the kids. Kyle had a hard time several years ago when my Grandpa passed away after a long illness. It's taken time and a lot of prayer and words of wisdom from others to help in be "okay" with the anger he had at God. I know your kids will be okay. Time WILL heal the pain and make it easier to live with. We are praying for you all!

Jennifer Bellah

kaylee ann said...

I wish I knew of the right words to say to bring your family comfort, but I just want you to know that you are in my prayers. I ache for you as I read your blogs, but I can sense God's healing in your writing.Thank you for sharing and for letting us know of ways to pray.


Anonymous said...

Hoping Hannah's trig class and all of school went okay today if she was able to stay a bit longer today. As always, thinking and praying for you all.

The Shadid Family said...

From Phil Shadid:


I found out that Matthew and I have the same birthday and we both are left handed. I wanted to call him as all of you have been on my heart. We have thought a lot about you and all of your children. I call Mark Williams very frequently to keep informed. Mark gave me Matthew's cell number early this evening as I told him I wanted to call him. I knew Matthew didn't really know me all that well outside of church softball but I was glad I called him. You have wonderful children. I really enjoy watching them at sports as they are all so gifted at sports. I can still remember lifting Hannah up on my shoulders during our Two from Galilee performance a few years ago. I hope to see some of Isaac’s basketball games and Baseball too. I believe Rachel is in Math with my daughter Christina. I asked my Sunday school class with Tim Campbell to pray for Kim Powell as she is teaching the math class now. Annie and I wanted to bring you and the children one of our collie puppies from our new litter. Mark told me you all have a couple of dogs already but I thought a new puppy could bring some warmth to the kids. Let us know if you would like one.
I pray God will bless and give strength to you and your children during these times.

Our number is
Phil and Anita Shadid 470-3456

tammy said...

Saundra, I am continuing to pray for you and the kids. I know it has been a long time since I have had seen you all but when I saw you and your precious family on facebook, the memories just flowed. I am sooo sorry that you and the family have to go thru all of this. My heart just aches for you all. I know it is difficult for you just to get up in the mornings or even just to sleep. But as I read your blog and I am thankful that you are writting, Our God is with you and the kids. I know there are days the devil wants to make you think its just too hard but Our God will give you the strength. Peace will come and the kids just need time. So do you. God will Heal your Hearts!! Give Yourself Time. You are Doing Good Saundra. I love you. I alwys Have and I alwys will. MY Prayers are with you. If you need a place just to get away, we have a extra room at our house bring the kids if you want. Got a trampolene for the kids to jump on and a Road Ranger to drive around with. Big
field to just drive in. We can take you to our camp ground to camp or fish or paddle boat, canoe, whatever you want. Its very peaceful out there and noone is around when we go. It helps to just get away from everything and relax. WHat EVER you need I am here. just email me or call 474-0168. Love you.... tammy Campbell Mendez