This morning...in the shower....
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus there's just something about that name,
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Let all Heaven and Earth proclaim,
Kings and Kingdoms will all pass away,
BUT THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT THAT NAME!!!!!
That song kept coming to me. JESUS! JESUS! All I have to do is call JESUS! I call HIM today.
I don't know what today may hold for us, but I want JESUS, I need JESUS to carry me.
Rach made a great breakthrough this weekend. She went to a birthday party...by herself. She didn't want to stay overnight....understood, so she was home by 9. But she talked non stop about her fun time there. Mr. Spindle...you must be something....she talked about as if she was talking about her daddy. How funny you were, the things you said and did. Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Spindle for bring joy to Rachel.
Isaac had a little harder time. He is just trying to find someone to fill that hole. Matthew, bless his heart is dealing with his own grief. I can't ask him to fill Isaac's hole. But, Isaac needs someone to stand in the gap. He is so alone, so lonely. I was doing laundry last night, Matthew was in his room and Isaac actually came and asked me who he could play with. Please pray that someone be there for him.
Hannah seems to be doing well. I really think her friends are keeping her head above the water that is raging. I remember one time John and I were talking to her about spending more time with the family because she was spending so much time with her friends. Her comment to us , "But they are so much fun to be with!" I don't know what that says about us....but they make her happy now. Maybe it lessens the pain for now.
Matthew is still angry. I asked him to take Isaac for a haircut yesterday and he just plainly said "NO". I knew not to push. Jason, God bless him, took him for me. Hey, he is one handsome dude! But, it hurt Isaac. He kept asking me why Matthew didn't want to take him. I just told him he was having a bad day. But, pray for Matthew.
Yesterday...afternoon...morning wasn't good, but yesterday afternoon Sallye took me out to buy the Griffis/Williams Christmas gifts. Sallye knew I may not make it....but I knew she would do what ever it took. Well, I made it. It was the best afternoon I have had yet. We laughed till our stomachs hurt. There were times when memories of places or things or things John and I had been, seen, talked about would arise and I would begin to hurt, but then something would take my mind away.
I imagined that that is how it will be one day. I will have good days, then memories will come....and they will go...and I will be able to go on.
Anna, thanks for your comment about John. He had a way with kids. That was his calling. I am so glad that you enjoyed him as a teacher and a friend.
Tara, Thanks for reading. Thanks for being Hannah's friend. I know John used to give you such a hard time. But he would laugh as I would get after him and he would say..."Ah, she can take it". He did love you. As he really did love all of Hannah's friends. He did think of you each of you as an extension of our family. You were all special to him. You are still special to me. My prayer is that you take something that he taught you....something you learned from him...his kindness, his love....and you pass it on to someone else. Pass on his compassion. He had so much.
Again, thank you to all of you for all you have done. I really am trying to get out the thank yous. There will be a message in the Bethany Tribune next week that I want each of you to read. I just can't thank you enough.
My Prayer requests:
That the songs that I listen to will strengthen my faith
That Rach will continue to open up as God would have her to heal
That Isaac will find that person to fill his "John" hole. A buddy, a pal....
That Hannah continue to heal in a healthy way
That God would touch Matthew's heart, mind and soul...that he would find a friend to feel comfortable to pour his soul out to
That Johns life will continue to touch others and change them for the better
My Family comes in Wednesday...pray for their safety
That I will find peace and comfort in the words I read and the music I hear.
That God would send and "ANGEL" to each of my kids. As he did for me with Sallye.
That God would be with Jay and Marilyn, Dawn and the rest of us......they hurt too.
Wisdom in raising, making decisions for my children, for our future.
Church is always hard for us....but I know I need to keep the kids going no matter how I feel. Pray that something will touch each of us today. Pray it will be easier every Sunday.
Thanks for reading...please keep letting me know. Kristie...you amaze me....except for when your computer was down...you comment everyday. I look forward to hearing from you...even if its a sentence. You are always encouraging to me. Thank you.
Love,
Saundra
Sunday, December 20, 2009
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Saunie -
Below are the lyrics to a song that was performed in the high school drama musical that I directed last spring. I plan to bring the cd of the entire musical with me when we come this week - you'll understand why once you hear all the songs. I am also copying the place where you can listen to this song. I hope it encourages you today.
THIS DAY
Yesterday the sky was bright and clear
I could see the sun and I could hear the song
Faith flowed like a river free and deep
And grace was not so hard to be believed
But that was yesterday
And what was close enough to touch
Now seems a world away
So what about this day
This day all His mercies are new
This day every promise is true
Father, help me to believe
Give me faith I need to know You
And trust You this day
This day
Who knows what tomorrow’s light will bring
Tears to cry or maybe songs to sing out loud
But only God can see that far away
And He made us for living day by day
‘Cause He wants us to see
That the God that He’s been every day of history
Is who He is this day
‘Cause You are the same yesterday and today and forever
Through every season Your truth and Your grace never change
Oh, Lord, I do believe that the God that You’ve been every day of history
Is who You are this day
This day…this day
This day Your mercies are new
This day Your promise is true
This day my hope is in You, Lord
This day
Copy the address below in your browser:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCrBczelMwM
I love you, Saunie.
Saundra, I'm glad you know that I read and comment every day because I care, and not just because I am a busybody!! :)
Every day when I am driving somewhere, as I get to the end of my street, if I turn left, I pass your house. Even if I turn right, I look at your house to check for cars before I make the turn. Since I am a fairly typical stay-at-home mom with about a bazillion errands to run, especially this time of year, that means I am looking at your house numerous times each day. Just know that every time, I pause for just an instant and say a quick prayer that RIGHT THEN, things are going well for all of you. Just know that. :)
There are countless times that we think of not only you and your kids, but we remember John. Our daughter will bring up, (almost daily) a memory of him from last year. You are never far from our thoughts, and most definitely remembered in our prayers.
To me, several of those old familiar church songs are like "comfort food for the soul." I don't know why. But there are some that comfort me even when the lyrics don't match my thoughts. Thank goodness for comfort food!
Know that many of us stand with you in your pain, even when we do not comprehend it. You are in my thoughts daily, and you are surrounded by love and concern.
Janet Hall :)
Saundra, you continue to amaze me with you gift of writing you blog and sharing you deep emotions. I do believe God is working, in His time, to bring you and the kids healing.
I'm praying especially for your family to arrive safely and that you can truly enjoy your time with them.
Matthew is especially heavy on my heart. 35 yrs ago today, Dec 20, my father died at age 53. I had a brother Matthew's age. He dealt with daddy's death very much like Matthew...very private, very much to himself. He's now a year younger than daddy was when he died. He's a wonderful man, loving husband and father. I believe God will do this work in Matthew also. I continue to pray for someone to be a mentor to Matthew.
Your family has become very special to me and I pray for each of you every day.
Praise God for Sallye...she truly is an angel.
Please continue to share your prayer requests...it helps so much.
Love to you all...Jadean
Saundra, I'm so sorry that Matthew is struggling so much. James was just a couple of years older than Matthew is when his dad died and he had a very difficult time as well. It does get better and they do learn how to deal with it. Just keep watching and praying. James has said he would be more than happy to talk with him if he would be open to that. I don't know if that's something Matthew would want or not but James is available any time you need him. He's told me numerous times to make sure that you know that anything you need that we can help you with just say the word and we are there. Of course, you know that I feel the same way.
Praying and thinking of you always,
Donetta
Saun,
I think and pray for you and the kids daily. God knows your hurt and concerns and he WILL continue to help you know how to handle it all. I hope you all find comfort with the Love of your family coming in for Christmas. Love to you all!
Love,
Lisa
Saun,
I think and pray for you and the kids daily. God knows your hurt and concerns and he WILL continue to help you know how to handle it all. I hope you all find comfort with the Love of your family coming in for Christmas. Love to you all!
Love,
Lisa
Saundra,
Hellow again. I hope your Sunday has gone well and that you~and your children~enjoyed church. I am so glad your angel Sallye makes you laugh...i think it took me a year to laugh. You are so blessed to have offers of help...i'd jump on those offers if it were me!!
Something I ran across and thought of you:
"He satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul with goodness." Psalm 107:9
and in case you don't find time to get into the Word,
"'Obey my voice, and I will be your God...'" Jeremiah 7:23
Peace to you, Dawna
I will be praying for you and your family this week. May God's presence be felt this week in a most powerful way.
Saundra,
I just wanted to say that your openness is inspiring to me. I know that many people are praying for you and lifting you up, but I think many others are being touched by your faith and the genuine way you are walking your journey. Still praying for you everyday!
Krystin Morris
Saundra,
I just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you all today. I'm praying that you will always sense the presence of the person behind the name "Jesus" and that He will provide the strength and comfort you need. And I'm praying that the Holy Spirit will bridge the gap of loneliness for all of you.
Grace and peace,
Lisa Jones
Coach Griffis was my softball coach and 6th grade math teacher several years ago. It is so obvious how many lives he has touched. I was talking to one of my friends yesterday about how your family has been on my heart and I have been hurting for your family, though I do not know the depth of your pain. She told me about this song that might help grasp some understanding through the pain. It is called SEE by Steven Curtis Chapman. He wrote this whole CD, Beauty Will Rise, and dedicated it to his young daughter who died one summer. He prayed that day "We know it is true. We know she is with Jesus. She is safe in the arms of the God who made her. We know she is okay. We know it, but could we just see something?" The next morning they were walking through the house and saw a flower she had cut out and began coloring. There were six petals, only one of them colored in. He turned it over and she had written the word "SEE", a word she had never written before. They then realized that they have 6 children, and only one that is colored in. Meaning they have 6 children and only one that is whole, they rest of us are still waiting for color. I hope this song can help you in some way. Here is the youtube link (copy and paste in the URL), I hope it works
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-25KlfLJOFg
Your family is always on my mind and in my prayers.
Tiffani
Saundra,
Haven't been on in a while but have read all your updates and wanted to let you know our prayers continue. On the day you had a set back and didn't think it did any good to pray I was reminded of Jeremiah in chapter 20. In one breathe he was praising and exalting God and in an instant he was cursing the day he was born. "oh that I had died in my mother's womb, that it had been my grave!" Why was I ever born? For my life has been but trouble and sorrow and shame.(LB) I just thought it interesting that his conversation was so open and honest with God. He was free to praise God for His faithfulness, even tho hope seemed far away,yet express his real feelings at the same time. Despite our feelings of loss and despair, God still loves us. He is with us, even when we cannot feel His presence. I think your stages of grief are very normal and God appreciates your openess and honesty. That is real communication and that is what he desires. That is relationship. We Love You All and are continuing your specific Prayer requests. Whether you realize it or not you are a true inspiration.
You'll Never Walk Alone,
Wendy and Lora Vaughn
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